Is this really rude? (Wedding stuff)

[WomanEmpire]

We have a maximum allowance of 42 guests for the ceremony.

150 for Reception.

Now tallying it up we are 22 over the Ceremony allowance and that's really cutting out people we would rather not have too.

Is it rude to have plus 1s only invited to the reception?

So for example:
Godmother and 2DD's invited to both and her partner only invited to the reception.
There's a few family's that if we did this for the lesser known partner it would help out massively.

Is this beyond rude/awkward/bad form or acceptable?

Ah OK it's not canapés it's a buffet. Op when you said no meal we took you at face value.

I think I understand what you're trying to do. Do you have no idea how many are coming in the evening? So I guess the buffet is for th ceremony people only and their other halves? Then an evening do which is a room and a bar and a drop in if you fancy?

I still wouldn't split for the ceremony I'm sorry.

So really it's

Some come to ceremony with partners
Some come alone, their partners wait behind
All meet up at venue and have a buffet
Evening do, everyone else comes if thry wish, no dress code, bar, no food, just a bit of a get together?

I wouldn't split families up, I think that is rude and likely inconvenient for them. Make the ceremony smaller just with really close family, and carry on with the party you had planned afterwards.

Is extremely rude and I'd not attend a wedding if my dh was not allowed till the evening reception ! Can you not change the venue to somewhere more suitable ? It doesn't sound suitable at all and your getting going to piss off a lot of people

Just talk to them and explain the situation. It's not your fault they cocked up the venue. It's only around 20 people, so contact them and explain what happened and you're really sorry you can't invite their partner to the ceremony. Do this before you send out the invitations. Theyre your friends and family so hopefully they will understand that you're just doing your best.

It does seem a bit skimp food wise. The last few weddings I've been at have all had dinner about 5pm and then a buffet about 10/11pm. Day guests got both and reception guests got the late buffet.

It seems a bit stingy.

We had a tiny wedding, just very close family followed by meal in a hotel. No formal reception. Hate weddings!
Next day we held a garden party for friends and family at our home and it was buffet style, diy catering. I think providing your non attendees have access to somewhere warm with food and drink during the ceremony bit, that should be fine.

I'm swayed by the cheese & crackers

Buffet is perfectly acceptable as a reception meal.

I'm not close to my husband's friends/rellies & I really wouldn't care if he went to a ceremony without me/me & the kids.

Likewise I have friends/rellies that he doesn't really know so would be OK with missing the cereony.

As long as we could both get to where we needed to be at the appropriate time(s) it would be fine.

I appreciate that it isn't like that for everyone though.

Who have you got that you need to pare down?

Cousins who you don't see that often it might be OK for example.

I don't think it's rude for new ish partners (non-married), so like boyfriends and girlfriends, and if they are local (not traveling from far as where would they go). I think it's awkward if it's older, married people or people who have traveled to be there, and definitely not for those with kids as it leaves one of them to tend the children alone. But for people without serious partners but who you'd otherwise give a plus one to if you could, I think it's fine. I think if Pippa Middleton can do it, you can too.

I went to a wedding like this. DH was a friend of the groom and went to the ceremony at 4pm, I arrived at 6 when they had a BBQ and cut the cake. We lived locally though which made life a bit easier.

I had no issue with it. The bride and groom were on a tight budget and I was surprised to be invited at all but they had the wedding they wanted and, imo, that was the most important thing.

Have a word with the venue - their mistake - and see if eg you can put seats squeezed in at edge / kids on laps. Or check it out yourself and explain to guests and see what happens....!

I think it is really rude. I would probably look at changing either the date or the venue.

Now you've said its a later wedding I actually don't think it's too bad

It's a bit awkward but not your fault this has happened. Can the venue arrange another room with a video link? Perhaps just have reserved seats for close family and then make it first come first served for others to avoid bad feeling. Otherwise decide which couples/families are most important. Splitting up couples and making the other half hang around on their own outside would be very odd IMO!

I wouldn't split people up, I'd just have immediate family at the ceremony and the rest at the reception.

How late are you expecting it to go on until? I'm just thinking that if people eat the buffet early, by about 9 or 10pm, they might start getting hungry again. You'll need to make sure there is plenty of food as there are bound to be some guests who pile their plates up as they're not having a proper meal.

Also, you mention having picnic blankets outside. I assume you have plenty of room indoors for everyone if it rains?

I was invited to a wedding, me to the ceremony and me and my partner to the evening do. I thought it was ridiculous, especially as it's 2 hours drive away. Oh and our kids were not invited at all to any of the day!

We didn't go to any part of the wedding!