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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want my dad to make a fucking will?

111 replies

Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 21:45

Short history: DM died in 2010, DF (64) got with his partner within three months of her passing. DF owns his house, his partner sold her house and lives with him rent-free. They've been living together for nearly 4 years. My sister and I are very concerned that he has no plan in place in the event of his death.

We're pretty certain his property would automatically go to us, as he and partner are unmarried but surely if she's been living there all this time she may have some claim over it?

Sister has tried to ask dad (gently) to make a will but he just gets very quiet and withdrawn, it is v in line with his behaviour since DM's death to not want to rock the boat and to bury his head in the sand.

But is it time to ask a little less gently? If he wants to leave his partner something that's his choice and I'd respect it, but all I can see is an ugly mess having to be unpicked, with his partner's v interfering family all sticking their noses in.

OP posts:
Hassled · 23/08/2017 21:48

Is it possible he goes quiet because actually he's already made a will? But assuming not, I don't think the GF would have any sort of claim.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 23/08/2017 21:50

YANBU. Tell him if he doesn't make a Will, it will leave a hell of a mess for you and your sister to sort and it's the last thing you want to do when you are grieving.

MIL hasn't bothered to make a new Will since she got divorced. She's crap at actually sorting stuff out and I can forsee a time when DH (as NOK and eldest child) will have to sort all her bloody stuff because she can't be bothered to make a Will. Her accounts will be frozen so nothing to pay for her funeral if she doesn't appoint an executor. DH doesn't have any savings, I do and I'm not paying for her funeral. This sort of attitude pisses me off tbh. It's selfish because it means a lot of work for loved ones left behind.

PetraDelphiki · 23/08/2017 21:51

Sorry but even with a will she might be able to challenge as a dependent if she's been living there and supported by him...

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:00

He definitely does not have a will. His house is worth over £100k and he has a fair money in ISAs, saved by him and DM in their 35 years of marriage. His current partner has sold her house, gifted a lot of the capital to her kids and bought a static caravan - so has v little saved up of her own.

Her family all live nearby and are v involved in her and DF's day to day life, whereas my sister and I both moved away after uni and never really went back. He spends every Christmas with them, except one, and that caused a huge fight between him and his partner, as she refused to join him and made him choose between us or her. It was really upsetting to see him so cowed and sad about it.

Her family are pretty small minded and racist, so I like to keep my family away from them as much as possible, but I obviously make an exception for her because deep-down, she is kind and v sweet with my DS. I don't think she has any untoward intentions but I do think her and my dad are both being very, very naive.

OP posts:
scrabbler3 · 23/08/2017 22:06

If she were posting, what would her version be, do you think?

I agree that wills are vital. But maybe your father doesn't want to leave it 50:50 to you and your sibling but doesn't know how to tell you.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:09

And, scrabbler, as I said before, I'd be fine with that

OP posts:
welshmist · 23/08/2017 22:10

A friends Dad lost his wife, then a new woman moved in, she was nice enough with an awful family. She got dementia, he died, the awful family swept in took her off with them put her in a home and got everything. Now there was a will which vanished it had named the two sons as getting everything, the eldest son died suddenly he said he had made a new will, it was never found. The youngest son was too nice and chose not to kick up a legal fuss. A great deal of money the house and everything was lost to the other family

Halfsack · 23/08/2017 22:10

Maybe he wants to leave it all to a charity

PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 22:12

I agree with a PP he has probably made a will already. I would say just put it out of your head, presumably all being well this is a problem for the very future you.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:13

Halfsack he hasn't left it to ANYONE. That's the problem!

OP posts:
Chunkymonkey123 · 23/08/2017 22:13

Your dad is 64! Maybe he's thinking hopefully he has a while to sort it out and he's seeing how things go with his girlfriend. If they get married he won't need a will or if he makes a will leaving her nothing it could ruin their relationship.
She will only have a claim to the house if she has been paying the mortgage or has paid for renovations.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:13

He hasn't made a will, my sister has outright asked him that.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 23/08/2017 22:14

You can advise him if you like. But really you can't tell him to do anything even if you think it's the wisest thing to do which it is. As others have said if he goes quiet he obviously doesn't want to discuss it and he may have already made a will.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:14

Yes he's 64. But my mum died at 56. My FiL just died at 59. Shit happens and the grief is enough without having to have to think about what happens to their estate.

OP posts:
PetitFilous123 · 23/08/2017 22:15

your dad could just be...lying?

But probably he just wants to see how his relationship progresses?

Boysnme · 23/08/2017 22:16

I've just read this and thought you could be me! My DF is reasonably wealthy. His new wife was not. She will inherit everything if he were to pass first, which in itself I don't mind, she's nice and has been really good for him. I do mind though that it could potentially all end up at her ungrateful children. And whilst this does grate on my nerves I won't ever fall out with him - it will just be a horrible mess to try and sort out should we be in that position!

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:17

He hasn't made a will. For the third time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:19

That's what I fear Boysnme, the mess...

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 23/08/2017 22:19

It's his decision at the end of the day. Some folk don't make wills even if that seems mad to us.

Embekkisson1 · 23/08/2017 22:19

I think he is still quite young at 64, I think your stressing out to much . It's a very personal thing to make a will or discuss it . What people say and what they actually do about their will is usually two entirely different things . You need to ask yourself why your getting in such a state about it . 64 is hardly elderly nowadays .

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:21

So I should give it another five years and see what he does? He has high blood pressure and diabetes.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 23/08/2017 22:21

Don't be naive op. He has made a will leaving her the house. Why else would she have divested herself of her capital?he just doesn't want to tell you that he's given your inheritance from your mother to his new partner. This is why your mothers share of the house should have been left in trust for you both. Too late to do anything now.

Nicknacky · 23/08/2017 22:23

Op, personally I would just assume it's been left to her and if that changes in the event of his death then you will need to deal with it then. It's not worth getting stressed about.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:24

I don't think that's true NorthernLurker, it would be v unlike my DF to do that.

OP posts:
MummaGiles · 23/08/2017 22:24

Ignore the people who are saying your DF's partner would have no claim to the house. She could make a claim under the inheritance (provision for dependants) act as a dependant on the basis she has been maintained by your DF by his provision of accommodation. Her claim on the estate could amount to a sum equal to that which would be necessary to maintain her living standards as immediately prior to your DF's death. There was a case recently where a woman who had been estranged from her mother for decades successfully claimed against her mother's estate, which had all been left to charity, because she had a reasonable expectation of maintenance (Illot v Red Cross I think it was). It is important that your DF makes a will to avoid any difficulties for you, your DSis and his partner should anything happen to him. His is not a straightforward situation.