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Original poster

To want my dad to make a fucking will?

111 replies

Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 21:45

Short history: DM died in 2010, DF (64) got with his partner within three months of her passing. DF owns his house, his partner sold her house and lives with him rent-free. They've been living together for nearly 4 years. My sister and I are very concerned that he has no plan in place in the event of his death.

We're pretty certain his property would automatically go to us, as he and partner are unmarried but surely if she's been living there all this time she may have some claim over it?

Sister has tried to ask dad (gently) to make a will but he just gets very quiet and withdrawn, it is v in line with his behaviour since DM's death to not want to rock the boat and to bury his head in the sand.

But is it time to ask a little less gently? If he wants to leave his partner something that's his choice and I'd respect it, but all I can see is an ugly mess having to be unpicked, with his partner's v interfering family all sticking their noses in.

OP posts:
turtlecreek · 23/08/2017 23:05

I'm sure he is a good man Op but it seems this weakness or cowardice leaves them open to misjudging things and it is almost always the children who suffer.

If they do end up marrying later on which seems possible things it will be difficult. Is it possible to set up a trust now for your DM's portion perhaps.

MothQuandary · 23/08/2017 23:06

My Gt GF remarried soon after my Gt GM died. He died intestate and his house and all his money went to his second wife, who then left it all to her DCs. My DGM and her brothers didn't see penny of their parents' combined estates. My Gt GF was a sodding barrister, so he would have known full well what he was allowing to happen by failing to make a will. My DM and her siblings (the grandchildren) have never forgiven their grandfather for cutting out his own children like that. It was cowardice on his part, I imagine.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 23:06

Erm, Heddagarbled that's not what she said at all. And there's no bad feeling between her and his partner's family - she spent Christmas with them twice.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 23/08/2017 23:07

She may have a claim if she can prove she is dependent on him financially. Maybe he has left her the house and money but doesn't want to say. If it was me I'd suspect that he may have done that.

Lifechallenges · 23/08/2017 23:09

Id point out to him that its his money and estate and hence his choice. If he doesnt make a will, some one else may decide.
Wills make sorting an estate out quite easy. No argument as the person who died calls the shots

turtlecreek · 23/08/2017 23:10

It is sad to think that things accumilated when their parents were together will pass on to another family potentially if her DF dies first bacause she has married their DF. As I said it should be corrected by law, France has measures in place to protect children from 1st marriages.

If he makes a will now it will be revoked if he marries her later on.

Graceflorrick · 23/08/2017 23:10

It is a common pattern with men, they end up shitting on their kids and the new woman ends up with everything

^^the PP is absolutely correct.

Grenoble124 · 23/08/2017 23:11

YANBU. My father needs to change his. Keeps talking about it but hasn't done it. It is very tiring.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 23:12

They are unmarried. I'm pretty certain they'll never marry as his partner is a widow too and v devoted to her deceased husband.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 23/08/2017 23:14

Nobody ever thinks that their loved one will screw them over in terms of property and money but that's what's keeps the courts and lawyers busy. It has always been so, it will always be so.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 23:15

Thank you for your useful and considerate input NorthernLurker

OP posts:
Todaywashorrible · 23/08/2017 23:15

It's not relevant that they are not married. She will still have a substantial claim.

ShesNoNormanPace · 23/08/2017 23:16

I'd impress on him the Power of Attorney stuff as well - if he gets ill, needs long term care: then what?

I've made it clear to my DF that I don't care what's in his will or PoA, he just needs to sort and sign the bloody things.

Todaywashorrible · 23/08/2017 23:17

As per my previous post. Maybe you mistook the phrase "as if she was his wife" for "as she was his wife".

Two very different meanings.

LadyLapsang · 23/08/2017 23:25

I think you should think less about whether or not there is a will and more about your relationship with your DF. He could easily live over two decades more. He may remarry. Anything you get should be a bonus not an expectation. Rely on yourself financially for the future.

saoirse31 · 23/08/2017 23:28

Maybe he's sick and tired of you, your d sis and ds asking him about it so frequently and is wondering about what is important to you all, him or his money.

LuluJakey1 · 23/08/2017 23:28

You are right- if your dad wants to be clear about his estate, he needs to make a will. Otherwise, he leaves the situation open to challege. For example, his partner's family could say she had invested her money in improving the house and so is entitled to a share. This happened to my cousin and his father's partner gained 50% of the house value. His dad never intended that butdid not make a will. She had invested 10,000 in the house but they claimed it was more and she got 120,000 back. Then he had to pay a solicitor as well out of his half of the estate.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 23:28

I think I need to reiterate here that I do NOT rely on inheriting anything from DF. My DH and I are financially responsible for ourselves. It's not the money I'm worried about. It's the mess. The aggro. And, as he's my only remaining parent, I will be in absolute bits when he does die, and it'd be nice not to have to deal with the division of his estate.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 23:29

saoirse31 my DSis asked ONCE

OP posts:
HazelBite · 23/08/2017 23:30

I'm coming from a different angle, don't hassle your dad about making a will he will do it when he's good and ready.
When you get over 60 you start thinking about your own mortality, especially if you've had someone very close to you die, its a scarey thing and hard for anyone of the op's age probably to comprehend fully because basically you probably haven't been there.
Its a very emotional thing, and I'm sure the Op's dad has thought about it a LOT, it probably troubles.
Anyway, depending on the size of the fathers estate, the new lady would need to have to have lot of money (that she could lose) in order to challenge in court the daughters claim if he dies intestate.

turtlecreek · 23/08/2017 23:37

It isn't about the money it is about respect. Of course you DF doesn't have to leave you anything that's his choice and he could be with his new partner for 20 years or so all being well. But to not be acknowledged in a will by a parent through lack of thought or remarriage is incredibly hurtful if you have always a had a good relationship.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 23:38

THANK YOU turtlecreek! You get it! 🙏

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 23/08/2017 23:40

Well the estate will be divided anyway, whether by will or intestacy law. In other words, if your DF does not remarry, it will be divided between the children or their descendants. Enjoy the money and pass it on while you are alive - I say that as someone whose family has just paid your father's estate in inheritance tax.

Todaywashorrible · 23/08/2017 23:49

if your DF does not remarry, it will be divided between the children or their descendants. Not in the situation the OP describes it won't. Or only if the new partner decides she doesn't want anything.

The OP says all I can see is an ugly mess having to be unpicked, with his partner's v interfering family all sticking their noses in..

It needn't be so OP. If you accept that your DF's partner has a legitimate claim on his intestate estate, then you can simply let the solicitors sort it out and come up with a figure for her based on the evidence of degree of support, can't you?

Then you don't need to raise the subject of wills with your DF again.

PickingOakum · 23/08/2017 23:57

I'm afraid I think it is hideously selfish not to make a will if you have assets and/or children.

The mess you can leave behind if you die suddenly and intestate is one of the worst things you can do to your grieving family. The stress can be immense at an already very vulnerable time.

One of my oldest friends had a breakdown over trying to sort her DF's estate when he died intestate: the situation was horrendous. It took over six months of nearly full-time work to clear it all up and dissolve all his assets.

The op is right: it's not the money, but the mess you leave behind.