Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my dad to make a fucking will?

111 replies

Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 21:45

Short history: DM died in 2010, DF (64) got with his partner within three months of her passing. DF owns his house, his partner sold her house and lives with him rent-free. They've been living together for nearly 4 years. My sister and I are very concerned that he has no plan in place in the event of his death.

We're pretty certain his property would automatically go to us, as he and partner are unmarried but surely if she's been living there all this time she may have some claim over it?

Sister has tried to ask dad (gently) to make a will but he just gets very quiet and withdrawn, it is v in line with his behaviour since DM's death to not want to rock the boat and to bury his head in the sand.

But is it time to ask a little less gently? If he wants to leave his partner something that's his choice and I'd respect it, but all I can see is an ugly mess having to be unpicked, with his partner's v interfering family all sticking their noses in.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:25

For the fifth time, he does not have a will. My DS asked him that outright and he replied. He wouldn't lie.

OP posts:
Dogsmom · 23/08/2017 22:25

There is a legal section on here where somebody may be able to answer your question about whether you and your sister would be the beneficiaries or his partner.

Either way it would be much easier for you all if you knew his wishes, if he dies before his partner would he expect her to continue to live in his house until her death or be kicked out so you can sell it? What if she then meets someone else then dies herself it could all go to some total stranger.

It's not a nice conversation but one that needs to be had.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:26

I agree Dogsmom. I think I'm going to have to talk to him about it.

OP posts:
TattyCat · 23/08/2017 22:26

The problem is whether he dies intestate. In that case, it doesn't 'automatically go to you'. It makes it very complicated, particularly as his partner has moved in. You are right to be worried, because it probably isn't what your DM would have wanted to happen.

He is absolutely entitled to leave his assets to whomever he wishes, however it leaves a big mess for someone else to sort out if he dies intestate; whether that's you, your sibling or his new partner. It's not fair on anyone to have to sort that out whilst also grieving. Also, it will take a lot of time to sort, during which time someone needs to fund ... everything, including the funeral, because his accounts will be frozen.

Lostmymarbles1985 · 23/08/2017 22:27

Age is irrelevant in making a will. EVERYONE who is over 18 and has assets and/or young children NEEDS a will.
If they are not married it will automatically go to children. If they do get married it will automatically go to spouse. Without a will inheritance tax can also be higher. It can take years to sort everything out and leaves it wide open to disputes and family fall outs. Good luck op!

AcrossthePond55 · 23/08/2017 22:29

^^ What Northern said.

I know you don't want to think or believe it, but instead of suggesting that he make a will, I'd suggest that you tell him that you and DSis don't care if he's left his estate to the local cat shelter and then either flat out ask him if he's made a will leaving everything to his partner or tell him that you and/or DSis made an appointment with a solicitor and tell your dad that one of you is going with him in order to make one. See what he says to that.

Kittychatcat · 23/08/2017 22:30

YANBU because it can become very complicated to sort out an estate if there is no will. Many families fall out because people just assume that NOK will do the right thing and all agree about who inherits their possessions, money and property. It never works out like that.

QuiteLikely5 · 23/08/2017 22:30

Op
Even if he makes a will next week it doesn't mean he won't change it.

Fgs the woman has given up everything and more or less spent her kids inheritance so I'm certain they have discussed finances whether you believe it or not!

sashimiyummies · 23/08/2017 22:31

The fact she sold her house suggests to me she is a golddigger with definite plans in mind. I think you need to get harder with your dad and push him to explain his plans.

Dogsmom · 23/08/2017 22:31

I'm quite surprised at the people who think a will is something you don't have until you're old, dh and I have them and we're in our 40's.

Todaywashorrible · 23/08/2017 22:32

She will only have a claim to the house if she has been paying the mortgage or has paid for renovations.

I wish people wouldn't offer advice when they don't know what they are talking about.

OP, she would have a claim by living as if she was his wife and being supported by him in terms of accommodation, bills, possibly food and clothes too, under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents) Act 1975.

I know quite a lot about this as I once fought one brought about in an intestate situation where I would have been the main beneficiary.

Luckily for me, the claim brought was based in quite a large part, fraudulently, so it didn't get too far. However, it did cost about £25,000 to fight it, and when you consider that the other party brought about a FRAUDULENT claim using LEGAL AID, it was pretty outrageous

Nicknacky · 23/08/2017 22:32

She has been with him 7 years. It's rude to assume she is just a golddigger, I'm assuming the op doesn't know the ins and outs of her dads long term relationship and finances.

turtlecreek · 23/08/2017 22:34

It is a common pattern with men, they end up shitting on their kids and the new woman ends up with everything. I think new laws are being put in place to stop this and rightly so.

The Op has every right to be pissed off and worried as pp said on their mother's death her portion should have been held in trust until her father's death. I most certainly will make sure my will is made out to stop this happening to my children.

The Op's DF knows that this woman would disappear without the sniff of money. Sorry OP.

viques · 23/08/2017 22:37

I think all you can do is tell your dad you don't care about the house or money, it is his and what he chooses to do with it is his busines, but that for your peace of mind you want him to make arrangements for his funeral arrangements and expenses so that you and your sister do not have to double guess what he wants .

chicaguapa · 23/08/2017 22:37

Maybe he deliberately doesn't have a Will as he thinks you will be the main beneficiaries anyway and he doesn't want to rock the boat with his DP by explicitly stating that she won't inherit anything.

Should also say that I think even if your spouse will inherit automatically, having a Will makes it easier for your spouse to sort everything out after your death.

Lifechallenges · 23/08/2017 22:42

Having dealt with the death of elderly relatives / parents estates 4x now please tell him to make a will. Only takes and hour or two. Saves hours and hours of heart ache, stress and legal bills later. He can also control what happens. He can do it confidentially with a solicitor.
No will means a load of hassle for the next of kin later.

sashimiyummies · 23/08/2017 22:44

I don't think it's rude to assume she's a golddigger. She sold her own house and made cash gifts so surely that indicates that she expects another source of income.

Nicknacky · 23/08/2017 22:47

He was only 57 when they got together, it's not unreasonable for a couple in a long term relationship to financially commit.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:48

chigaguapa I think you've read it exactly right, that's mine and Dsis's opinion too

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:49

I think what I'll tell him is that he needs to make a will, I don't even need to see it or know what's in it, just to know that it exists is enough.

OP posts:
fullofhope03 · 23/08/2017 22:50

Oh dear Lalalax - I'm so sorry to hear that your DM passed away at such a young age Flowers

Re your Dad - Not really sure what more you can do tbh. The more you and your sister ask him about a will, however gently, the more he may withdraw.
FWIW, I do think, however hard it is psycologically, to think about our mortality, we really really should. And make plans for the (lets face it) inevitable. I'm 55 and a few weeks ago realised that I really needed to get a grip and make a will. So I have. The last thing I want is for my loved ones to have the hassle and shit that comes with no will being in place. But please go easy on your Dad. It's the only way from what you've said I feel. All the best to you OP xx

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:51

He has always spoken to us about our inheritance, and I suspect he bought the house outright in his name only because he assumed it'd go to us, his next of kin, without him needing to rock the boat or make a will. That is much more like my DF than many of the suggestions here. He's a good man, and a very honest man, he's just a coward.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalalax3 · 23/08/2017 22:55

He also dotes on my DS and it's impossible to imagine he wouldn't leave him anything.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 23/08/2017 23:00

There is some ill feeling between you and your sister and your dad's partner's family.

Your sister has hinted about inheriting the house and your dad has closed her down

I think you'll have to accept that he doesn't want to think about it right now or he hasn't decided who to leave it to or he may decide to leave it to his partner or he thinks it'll likely all go on care costs anyway.

You can discuss this with him more forcefully if you've got the neck for it but if you want to maintain a good relationship with him you may have to back off and leave him to make his own decisions in his own time.

Pushing the issue just makes you seem greedy. None of us should expect to inherit from parents or anyone else. We need to earn our own money. Inheritances are bonuses for the lucky few and should be regarded with gratitude and delight not as our expected dues.

acquiescence · 23/08/2017 23:03

Do you not think of you push him to make a will he is likely to want to leave a substantial amount to his partner? Particularly the house she lives in? If you are worried about missing out on his money you may be better off with the current situation! Although it could be more messy of course.