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AIBU?

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Original poster

Selling something that I gave for free

109 replies

Wilberforce2 · 23/08/2017 21:05

Just been on Fb and a family member has shared a link from a selling site to a really nice piece of furniture that I gave them last year. Furniture was hardly used but when my step son moved in it wasn't big enough so I gave it to family member and we bought a new one. They now obviously don't want it anymore and are selling it for £100, I don't expect any of the money because if I wanted money I would have sold it but I can't help thinking you shouldn't sell something that someone gave to you for free? I would have preferred her to give it away to someone else or to charity.

AIBU or not?!

OP posts:
rachrach2 · 23/08/2017 23:09

Someone did that to me recently on a smaller scale and she did try to offer me some money when I gave it to her, but felt she should have just passed it on.

I've been given loads of baby things and I always offer it back. Things they don't want back I have either passed on or sold and shared the money, would never consider just keeping it!

Birthday/Christmas presents (especially children's) are different - when mine grow out of something I either give away, or if I do sell it, I put the money towards something else for them.

hiphopcat · 23/08/2017 23:12

It is up to them what they do with it @Wilberforce2 but it is perfectly understandable that you would feel miffed. It's a bit disrespectful to the person who gave you the gift to sell it on!

I would never give them anything again.

TalkinBoutNuthin · 23/08/2017 23:12

It's so easy to say 'give it to charity'.

You do realise lots of charities are really fussy with things they accept? Around here, only one will collect furniture, they can only do collections on 2 days in the week, during working hours, and you have to book them weeks ahead, and you have to send them several photos of the furniture so they can decide if it's good enough for them.

Giving things away on Freecycle encourages the worst of people, who are rude in their reply, mess you around with collecting etc. Sometimes it's better to offer it for sale, be willing to take a lower price (they likely got less than the £100 for the furniture) but know that the person wants it enough to actually pay for it and they will then show up.

WanderingTrolley1 · 23/08/2017 23:21

If I'm giving something away, I would rather it was later passed on (for free) or donated to charity, rather than sold.

mmmmnuts · 23/08/2017 23:27

I would just assume they need (or want) the money more than I did. Obviously.

BoomBoomsCousin · 23/08/2017 23:29

I don't see how them selling it and using the cash for something is really any different than them using the thing you gave them in the first place. If it had been a family heirloom you had given them to keep it in the family I could sort of see your point.

Summergarden · 23/08/2017 23:29

If people take things from me for free, they're doing me a favour as I can't bear clutter.
I couldn't give a toss what they do with it afterwards even if they do sell it, no longer my concern!
Life's too short to be worrying over little things like this.

Beadieeye · 24/08/2017 00:01

I wouldn't dare, not that I'd want to. It's just immoral.
They could have given it to charity or if they were determined to make some profit, sent you a quick message like 'hey, we no longer have a need for that table you gave us, would you like it back or do you fancy going halves if I can find a taker for it?'. Some people!

highinthesky · 24/08/2017 06:16

I don't much like gifting - either giving or receiving - because I don't actually need stuff, nor do the people I feel an obligation to buy for. My policy of buying consumables (alcohol, flowers, candles or chocolates) or giving cash means it's not generally a problem. I was very PO'd at a rich and ungrateful friend that decided she was entitled to my DD's old clothes, yet hasn't even been bothered to offer her a token gift to welcome her into the world. It didn't stop me from sending her a brand new outfit for her DD when she was born recently. I haven't had any acknowledgement let alone a word of thanks for it.

Anything I don't want or need goes straight to the chazzer. I'd be very cross if I went out of my way to spend time and money selecting something that was no use to anyone.

Having read this thread perhaps I should be selling my unwanted stuff.

Polichinelle · 24/08/2017 06:37

I don't understand. What do you do when you no longer want an item that was gifted to you? Are you supposed to just take it to the tip? Or give it back to the original gifter? After I had to downsize, I sold a lot of stuff. I'm sure some items had been given to me as wedding presents or other presents but I can't even remember by whom. Too long ago

DameSquashalot · 24/08/2017 08:19

OP when people pass things on to me for free I always give them away for free. I would feel terrible if I sold it. Taking it to the tip isn't the only alternative to selling it.

Neutrogena · 24/08/2017 08:21

You should be grateful to have such an entrepreneurial family members.
You gave it away - thus lost ALL rights to dictate what they do with it.
Be quiet and maintain good relations.

lljkk · 24/08/2017 08:30

It's not a Gift if it comes with strings.
I'd rather never have "gifts" from people like OP.

BlurryFace · 24/08/2017 08:31

TalkinBout I agree it's not always that easy to give to a charity shop, we tried to get a charity shop to collect a sofa we had bought from them 6 months prior (a friend of a friend was moving and giving away two much nicer sofas) and they refused it because of the pattern!

OP, it's a year later, I think it's different to if they flipped it within a week TBH. They obviously liked it and used it so I don't think I would begrudge them.

NewPapaGuinea · 24/08/2017 08:55

Offer to buy it and see what they say

BetterEatCheese · 24/08/2017 08:58

If they'd sold it straight away I would have said it was off but as it's been a year I don't see the issue

TalkinBoutNuthin · 24/08/2017 09:05

llijkk - i agree, and this thread has reminded me of why i rarely accept freebies off friends or family. I can't be bothered with the strings that come attached attached.

A few people offered to 'lend' me baby things, i turned them all down with a 'sorry, but i don't like borrowing these sorts of things and then needing to be worried about what happens to them'.

Whathaveilost · 24/08/2017 09:11

If someone has extended the hand of kindness and generosity to you and given you something for free, it's classless and tasteless to then sell it on at a profit.
See to me this is a load of pretentious guff! Going on about being classless and tasteless and extending the hand of kindness and generosity!!

Someone has something and they don't want it anymore so they get rid of it. It is as simple as that! That person has used the item for a while and now they don't want it, so they shut of it. They happen to make a bit of cash on it. The original person had that option as well. I wish I could see the problem.
Incidentally I have never sold anything on but passed it on us I can't see the problem.
People do get funny about money!

Whathaveilost · 24/08/2017 09:17

Offer to buy it and see what they say
Why on Earth would the Op do that!
They may take her up on the offer and she would end up with a piece of furniture she doesn't want and a £100 down. Grin

NewPapaGuinea · 24/08/2017 09:35

More in a tongue in cheek way

FatBettyintheCoop · 24/08/2017 09:45

Not cheeky at all, just being sensible.
Let's face it, it's much easier (lazy) to just give things away. It actually takes effort to sell stuff...

Shadow666 · 24/08/2017 10:00

I think a birthday present or Christmas present is totally different than someone giving you something to help you out.

My local Freecycle group has very strict rules about people caught selling stuff on will be kicked out of the group.

Firesuit · 24/08/2017 10:05

I don't see any problem with this. If I give something away, it's because I don't want it and can't be bothered to sell it. I would be perfectly happy for them to put it on ebay the day they got it, if that's what they want to do with it.

I think what's gone wrong here is that the "gift" is valued more highly by the giver than the receiver, as in the giver is more emotionally attached to it then the receiver, who would not have chosen it if they were buying an item of that type. The giver got over the pain of separation by feeling it was going to be valued elsewhere, and now that compensation has been ripped away. I know someone who sold a nice car to his daughter for less than it was worth, and was hurt when she sold it a year later because she preferred to get a smaller one.

EssentialHummus · 24/08/2017 10:09

Based on previous threads like this, if I was ever offered stuff I would now ask the giver before passing it on/selling further (and it is starting to happen with baby bits). I think that's the best approach. But if she is skint and selling for that reason, I'd let it go but not give anything to her again.

hellswelshy · 24/08/2017 10:17

Really can't see how this is cheeky at all. Agree with Whathaveilost

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