to think that you don't start eating before everyone's been served?

[lucydogz]

We had a large family party, and lunch was baked potatoes, salad and cold meat etc. I think that you just don't start digging in before everyone's served (especially as the food is cold alread). By the time I'd sat down, a couple of people had all but finished. AIBU to think that adults should be able to wait a bit before tucking in?

From Debrett's:-

Starting
Generally do not start before everyone has been served, so look around and take a lead from others. An exception may be if it is a large party and the host asks people to start, as the food may get cold. Those who cannot tolerate very hot food should still pick up the spoon or knife and fork and look as if they are starting at the same time; this will ensure that their neighbours do not feel obliged to wait as well.

Someone mentioned Debretts?

Bingo!

Sorry, shoveling food in your mouth whilst others are trying to serve is selfish and greedy.

Would I judge someone doing that - yes I would. Self control is a good word to use as well.

I don't really understand the timings here. To me, the OP saying a large family party means at least a dozen people around the table in which case just handing around the salads and meat would take far longer than it took for OP to hand out the baked potatoes. Someone always dithers over whether they do or don''t want coleslaw, someone needs to make space to put a bowl down beside them, someone else retains the fork from one of the salads which then gets passed down the table - unless people were literally flinging the rest of the food onto their plate and hoovering it up I don't see how they could have finished by the time OP sat down.

Personally, I think it's rude to start eating before everyone is seated and served but, regardless of the fact that this party was seated and with cutlery, it sounds like quite casual dining and with presumably quite a lot of people and dishes being passed back and forwards, it could be difficult to see when everyone has actually finished serving themselves and was ready to eat.

I always wait for the hosts to start eating.
If husband cooks and wife starts eating then I do too

Now no contact (for other reasons) with family members who told my polite children that they were 'being stupid waiting and should just start eating because that's what normal people do'. Grrr. I hate it.

I always thought it was polite to the chef to start eating straight away. I've been being rude for years

If the food is cold then I think people can wait as long as the host(ess) does not then spend ages wandering around looking for sauces, asking if everyone has everything they need and thinking they are being hospitable but actually making lots of hungry people wait. MIL used to be like this. I have a lovely dinner in front of me and I can't start because she's still in the kitchen doing something! Although she would say start but you didn't really want to because then you'd be finished and she'd only be half way through hers.

But if the food is hot, it would be good if people would have the manners to let people start before it gets cold. That applies whether you are in your own home/at a friend's house, or out at a restaurant where they don't serve everyone at once.

Being overweight has fuck all to do with it. I'm overweight and go with the flow. However I soon learned to serve myself up a plate in t he kitchen when hosting as one time by the time I got to sit down and eat the Christmas dinner buffet i made for 12 people the only thing left was turkey and gammon. Dh begged food off everyones plate and made me up some emergency bisto. One (skinny) cousin had 10 roast spuds and 4 Yorkshire puds.

In my family someone normally says "Please start" and if they don't, you wait, or someone (usually my dad) asks if it's OK to start

One (skinny) cousin had 10 roast spuds and 4 Yorkshire puds.

Now that IS rude

Actually being overweight has everything to do with it. You don't think they got like that being polite and waiting until everyone had sat down. She wanted to get her 'fair' share she told me when I said some had not even started eating yet.

I was once told that if there were fewer than six people at the table, it is polite to wait for everyone to have their food before starting; more than six, if the food is hot then those served first should start rather than wait and let their food spoil.

Seems a sensible rule of thumb to me, so that's what I generally do

A good host would tell people with hot food not to wait. Should have dished up the baked potatoes all at once and got people to help themselves to everthying else. YABU.

in our family we wait, except one member of the family has a partner who hasn't cottoned on to this yet -after five years- and gets stuck in as soon as. does not seem aware that everyone else (as many as 12!) are waiting. either that, or does realise and doesn't give a flying fuck. has form for insensitive behaviour so maybe the latter.

If at someone's house you wait for the host to start eating first. The host also has to finish last. If at a restaurant you wait til everyone's served.

A lot of people have no manners though!

The exception would be large groups at a restaurant and then I would start if people nearby had been served.

Totally rude not to wait - equally as rude to get up from the table without asking and until everyone else has finished eating. For adults and children alike.

If you're doing baked potatoes for twelve I'd hope you'd put them in serving dishes on the table and not play pass the parcel...

If it's family and close friends we all just tuck in. It'd be a shame for it to go cold out of politeness waiting for a faffer.
Only time we don't tuck in until everyone is seated and served is at new friends or ones we now know would like to say grace first! My DH still cringes when he had a mouthful of food and our host said he'd like to say grace. I've never seen a fork more silently placed on a plate and I don't think he chewed until grace had been said.

Thank goodness dh's family (large) all tuck in whenever they like, and expect the same in return. My family is small enough to wait.

I am fat, I wait.
The exception is if the host seems to be doing lots of other stuff and is taking ages and ages.
But most people can not eat that much in 2 minutes. So I think you are grossly underestimating how long you were keeping everyone eating.

Also I do not respect people who obviously have such negative ideas about fat people.

Someone scoffed your handcooked cold meal in 2mins really? Something doesn't add up.

I personally don't think those sorts of rules apply for cold meals. If you can't be arsed to serve a warm meal at a party then you can't expect them to give an arse about observing social niceties.

Also cold baked potato does not sound nice.

I'd want people to eat the food while it was hot. I forget that people have this rule, because it's never been one in my house. I prefer informality. Generally though o think it's polite to follow the hosts example. For an informal family meal I'd be likely to start eating and forget that rule though.

And I'd read baked potatoes etc as informal to be fair...