Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about your bottle fed awful sleeper babies?

93 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 23/08/2017 06:15

I have a 7 day old EBF newborn and the nights are hellish Sad

I tend to get about 3 hours broken sleep in a 24 hour period with last night being the low point of me having had only 45 minutes sleep between midnight and now (06.00) Sad

The cluster feeding and screaming unless he's on me are unbearable and after three horrendous nights in a row I'm nearing my limit Sad

My mom, who is very anti breast feeding has been on my case about how I should just give formula and it will solve all my problems Hmm I really want to keep breast feeding though but her constantly going on at me, coupled with how vulnerable I feel because I'm so exhausted, I fear is going to lead me to give in.

I need to hear how formula isn't the answer and hear stories about formula fed babies who have been just as much a nightmare baby as an EBF one.

I just need to know that my mother isn't right Sad

OP posts:
eatabagofdicks · 23/08/2017 06:21

I had trouble breastfeeding and couldn't do it for long. I ended up bottle feeding my ds. He cried constantly. He didn't sleep well at all and it was a huge shock to my system.
Do you have much support?
I know it really sucks and sleep deprivation is torture, but it will get better. When they are very little and sleep is non existent it can seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
Have you had a visit from a nurse to check your latch etc?

eatabagofdicks · 23/08/2017 06:22

Btw you are doing a great job op Flowers

Sipperskipper · 23/08/2017 06:24

Have you tried a dummy? My first few days of EBF were like this, at one point she didn't leave my breast for 48 hours! I was keen not to use one but the midwife suggested she was comfort sucking and to try it. It worked really well and certainly didn't affect her feeding - if she was hungry she would refuse the dummy and keep crying. It soon gets better, honestly!

Justanothernameonthepage · 23/08/2017 06:25

My first was formula fed and an awful sleeper. He would sleep for 20 minutes at a time and then wake up wanting to interact. It took 8 months to get him to the point where he'd sleep for 6 hours.
Some babies just don't sleep that much. My ebf is more typical with her sleeping patterns and at 7 weeks I started to get 5 solid hours at night.
3 hours sleep between feeds at 1 week is normal. Exhausting but normal. What might help is pumping and letting a partner do the first feed.
1 week old baby is still getting used to not having food on demand so it will take a while for their bodies to adjust - breast or bottle fed.

eatabagofdicks · 23/08/2017 06:25

Also if he's screaming when not on you it sounds like he may have colic or reflux, sometimes they eat to soothe themselves even though it causes more pain. Check with your doctor just incase.

stresshead84 · 23/08/2017 06:26

Both of mine were FF. DS1 slept very well, DS2 had reflux and was a nightmare sleep wise until the reflux stopped at about 10 months, then he started to sleep through the night occasionally Grin.

Nuttynoo · 23/08/2017 06:31

Are you producing enough milk? Is his latch okay? Talk to your hv/GP if you have concerns

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 23/08/2017 06:31

Thanks everyone.

He's gaining weight really well (he's already 60g over his birthweight) and in the day he's wonderful, but night times are just a killer.

I EBF my DS1 (he's now 3.5 years) and I remember it being difficult but I can't recall it being this destroying unless I've blocked it out.

In the day he typically feeds for 30 minutes, settles straight back to sleep and wakes again about 2.5-3 hours later for his next feed. Between 8am-8pm he's a really contented baby but our nights are just utterly shit Sad

OP posts:
Justanothernameonthepage · 23/08/2017 06:32

You are doing a great job. What might help is being completely honest with your DM. At a point when she's not going on about feeding methods.
'Mum, I don't know if you're trying to make me feel awful or trying to help. But I'm breastfeeding LO. If I need to switch to formula then I will do. I'm breastfeeding because of X - (health/convenient/cost) and we're lucky that I can and we've got the research showing that there is no difference so switching won't change anything except I'll be fumbling around with bottles at 2am instead of staying in bed cuddling baby. I'm sorry if this is sounding harsh, but I'm fed up with you banging on about formula. I need support not criticism right now.'

Justanothernameonthepage · 23/08/2017 06:34

Oh and the cluster feeding should die down soon - it's baby making sure the milk supply is established so it doesn't feel like it, but it's a great sign.
With your first it might have felt easier as you didn't have a small child to watch in the daytime.

Crunchymum · 23/08/2017 06:36

At 7 days or doesn't matter how you feed, they aren't going to sleep much. And this will carry on for weeks / months.

You just need to take it a day at a time and muddle through at this stage.

Justanothernameonthepage · 23/08/2017 06:38

And if you need to allow someone to feed baby with the odd bottle of formula (and baby takes it), then that's completely ok. It doesn't have to be breast feed or bottle. Combination feeding can also work. The problem isn't the feeding, it's the not feeling supported when you are at an emotional time. Be honest with her. If she won't support, the start limiting time with her.

Tangoandcreditcards · 23/08/2017 06:43

Both mine bottle fed from birth.

DS1 woke every night until he was 2 and a half (4 times at least until he was 1)

DS2 is just starting to occasionally sleep through and he is 19mo.

We stopped night feeds for both around 6-8mo.

I know (very well) how awful sleep deprivation is. But the fact is there's not much you can do when they are so tiny. And how/what they are fed doesn't make much difference. We found changing anything always made it worse, so just keep doing what you're doing and DS will find his rhythm in time (hopefully less time than mine!)

Malters87 · 23/08/2017 06:43

Omg no!! Don't quit!!!
You're doing the best you absolutely can for your baby and its just a sign of how brilliantly you're doing that he's chunking on weight and so contented. Can you sleep in the day when he does?! I see you have a three year old is there nursery?!
I'm sorry you are being made to feel like this. My in laws were the same in the early days and it makes everything harder but it is absolutely not your fault or down to anything you are doing. Babies don't sleep 😂 he is establishing his feeding routine and your milk supply so this is a very important time. You probs do already but try to keep night feeds dark and quiet. We did this from the off and DS learned the night and day thing fairly quickly....
Not that this stopped him waking up every night (he's nearly one)but at least the sleep stretches were longer.
Keep going mama and don't be afraid to reach out for help!

Tangoandcreditcards · 23/08/2017 06:45

PS - He's tiny! Even bottle fed my two were feeding every 1.5-2hrs day or night until 8 weeks.

calimommy · 23/08/2017 06:47

Both of mine are shite sleepers. DS1 was BF until 5 months then bottle -crap sleeper. DS2 was BF for a year -crap sleeper. Expecting much the same with the next dude in a few weeks. It's just genetic. Your not doing anything wrong xxxx

NoseyJosey · 23/08/2017 06:50

I've bottle fed two babies, and whilst my first wasn't and still isn't the best sleeper he wasn't anywhere as nocturnal your your lo sounds. My second is an excellent sleeper please don't hate me and at 3 months was sleeping better than his 3yr old brother. Each child is different, and sometimes changing tactics can help, it's not always the answer we hope. I'd persevere to spite mother until YOU decide to switch. No shame if you decide to introduce a bottle or 2 for dh to have a turn, or even express for the same reason. It's your choice though, and if you want ebf then do it. You sound like you're doing an amazing job, it's rough with no sleep, but it gets better

Luckymummy22 · 23/08/2017 06:59

I had a crap sleeper when he was breastfed.
Put him on the bottle and he was still a crap sleeper.

I had a good sleeper when she was breastfed but didn't put on a lot of weight.
Put her on a bottle and she still didn't gain a lot of weight.

These weren't the only reasons for giving up bf'ing btw but both times I gave up after a month or so and if I'm honest I wish I had carried on 2nd time.
My mum was similar to yours. She wasn't anti bfing but was definitely more in favour of bottle feeding x

Cupcakegirl13 · 23/08/2017 07:00

Sounds par for the course for a 7 day old regardless of how they are fed. This is the hardest time , just do what you need to to survive , accept all help and kindly explain to your mum hat her opinion isn't helping ! It does get better but it's such early
Days.

FittonTower · 23/08/2017 07:10

I had one of each and both were bad sleepers. While my ff baby could be fed by my husband which was helpful when I was sleep deprived and exhausted I found dealing with a breastfed baby overnight so much easier. She snuggled up with me in bed and I didn't need to get up and mess around with making bottles. Pros and cons to both ways I found.
You're doing a fabulous job. Tell your mum to get stuffed (in the politest way you feel able!) If she's not got anything useful to say.
I ff my second for all sorts of reasons and I think formula is a wonderful, liberating, lifesaving thing but I can't imagine why a to be can be "anti-breastfeeding" . How can you be anti feeding a baby?

user1480334601 · 23/08/2017 07:21

Make sure you're keeping the room he's sleeping in during day light and noisy ie don't whisper around him etc. Then at night keep everything dark as possible and quiet, minimum interaction. It helps them figure out night is for sleeping day is for being awake which will help

7 days is still very early. The first few weeks are purely just surviving as a new parent. Try sleep during day with him if you can it's not an easy time but it passes Flowers

Tell you're mum youre sticking with breast feeding and not to mention it again as it's stressing you. I have a pushy mother and have had to be almost mean to her to get her to back off about some things re baby! You and baby come first and your decisions are final

What about expressing milk so can be bottle fed by partner too to give you a break?

Finally, if it did come to formula feeding (your choice only)it's not the evil thing midwives make it out to be. My 10 week old has formula fed from day 2 and is hitting all milestones, right weight, and very healthy and happy, no colds etc

Good luck :)

Nomoreboomandbust · 23/08/2017 07:28

Not piling in with advice as you have enough just hugs and Flowers

It will get better and you will sieep xx

littleshoutymouse · 23/08/2017 07:30

Oh my love you are only 7 days in. You are in the eye of the storm right now.

Breastfeeding is really fucking hard to start with. This is the worst bit - they are hungry, yes, because your milk supply is still building. They feed constantly to bring it in more. Rest assured your baby will be getting milk, and you might find over the next week that they become painfully swollen at times as your boobs respond and the milk production goes in to overdrive. It settles again. It took me about 6 weeks to start to feel like I knew what I was doing with it all. I know 6 weeks probably feels far, far away at this point, right?

I'm not a die hard breastfeeding only bottle hater but from my own personal experience, do try to stick with it. I hated breastfeeding for 6 weeks and nearly gave up, in the end I did it for 15 months and was so sad when DD gave it up by herself! Once you get over the initial issues and the crushing sleep deprivation, it does become easy. Search Kellymom on google, its a brilliant resource and helped me through the early days. Use health visitors and weigh in drop in centres to put your mind at ease.

With regards to sleep, that will become easier as you find coping mechanisms - we found both DDs responded well to a vibrating bouncy chair for falling asleep in. DD1 loved a swaddle (DD2 hates it). We used a Ewan sleep sheep for DD1 too and he became part of our nightly routine. The routine probably wasn't necessary but it made me feel a little more control of the nights, which I used to dread.

Can you get family members/friends to come and help in the day with the baby so you can get a few hours kip here and there? That was also a lifesaver for me.

I wish you all the best, sounds like you are doing a great job. Keep it up!! Flowers

FraterculaArctica · 23/08/2017 07:39

Congratulations on DS2 Writer! (We've been on and off the sleep threads together before). IME 7 days is about the worst, they do go through a period of a few days when they're up all night. When did you get out of hospital? It's often made worse by transition from hospital to home. If you want to keep exclusively BFing I'd try and hang on in there a few more days - use the blocks of time in the day when he's asleep to get as much rest as you can - and the all night marathons may well pass in another few days.

Will you share his name or a photo? I bet he's lovely x

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/08/2017 07:46

It's such early days. This hopefully won't last. Can your mum have DC1 in the day so you can get a bit of sleep? Thatd be more supportive than her crap advice.

Swipe left for the next trending thread