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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about your bottle fed awful sleeper babies?

93 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 23/08/2017 06:15

I have a 7 day old EBF newborn and the nights are hellish Sad

I tend to get about 3 hours broken sleep in a 24 hour period with last night being the low point of me having had only 45 minutes sleep between midnight and now (06.00) Sad

The cluster feeding and screaming unless he's on me are unbearable and after three horrendous nights in a row I'm nearing my limit Sad

My mom, who is very anti breast feeding has been on my case about how I should just give formula and it will solve all my problems Hmm I really want to keep breast feeding though but her constantly going on at me, coupled with how vulnerable I feel because I'm so exhausted, I fear is going to lead me to give in.

I need to hear how formula isn't the answer and hear stories about formula fed babies who have been just as much a nightmare baby as an EBF one.

I just need to know that my mother isn't right Sad

OP posts:
Prusik · 23/08/2017 08:55

I haven't read the whole thread, I normally do, sorry. Ds was too poorly to really establish breastfeeding. He's been awful on the bottle though - cmpa (which took ages to diagnose), reflux, only feeds in tiny amounts so pretty much like a breast fed baby. I really wish I could have established breastfeeding as it would have saved a lot of health issues!

Peachypie83 · 23/08/2017 08:56

Oh and Ewan the Dream Sheep is my literal hero. I have panic attacks about the batteries running out. If I had to pick between my OH or Ewan right now, it would be Ewan all the way Wink

BellyBean · 23/08/2017 09:07

Hi OP, are you using lansinoh? I couldn't establish breastfeeding without it!

Dd2 is also a week old today and she seems to have a lazy latch on my right. Definitely call your midwife and ask for latching support, they will be happy to help.

I always double check dd's lower lip is folded down if it's hurting badly, and pull the side of her lip to break the seal and try again, offering nipple nearly at her nose so she has to really open wide.

Sorry, I'm sure I'm teaching you how to suck eggs here!

The hassle of breastfeeding is all front loaded, once you've got the hang of it it's so convenient!

Thishatisnotmine · 23/08/2017 09:07

As others have said, 7 days is very early. My second dd, now 4 months, is nothing like my first who barely slept. Both ebf. I was dreading the night times this time round but dd2 sleeps so well. So I think it could be more down to the baby, not the feeding method. Don't change to formula because of pressure from someone else, only change if it is what you want to do.

Your dm sounds like mine. She didn't understand why I wpuld bf and was baffled by dd1 not sleeping 8 hours straight at 6 weeks (and why I wasn't giving her rusks at 3 months...). Basically, I started to lie when she asked about dd's sleeping "yes, she woke a couple of times last night" rather than "she was awake and I slept a couple of hours again". Didn't help the sleep but meant that I didn't then have to listen to everything I was doing wrong.

Thishatisnotmine · 23/08/2017 09:15

And for white noise I use a great app called Rain Rain. 'Desert wind' is very soothing. Do not press 'seagulls over ocean'! Terrifying for me and a just dropping off dd2!

BillBrysonsBeard · 23/08/2017 09:16

With my first baby I was convinced formula was making him sleep 12 hours a night.. I was wrong, it was just how he was! My second is 6 months and wakes up every 15 minutes some nights for hours on end.. and has done for months Sad

Beadieeye · 23/08/2017 09:17

I won't answer because I don't think it would be relevant but what I will say, is that your mum is out of line. She should support your choices- whatever choices they are instead of making you feel worse.
I would tell her you've switched to combi feeding of a nighttime just to shut her up, but then no doubt she'll be coming up with other 'helpful suggestions'.
You're doing amazingly.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 23/08/2017 10:13

Thanks everyone.

DS is currently back on the breast. DH made me a cooked breakfast this morning though so at least I have some energy.

I've pumped another 90mls off the left breast and even the pump makes my nipples bleed, God knows what a suckling baby would do to it.

I've just tried the nipple shields DH bought but it was a complete disaster as DS couldn't get any milk from it. We persevered for 5-10 minutes but there was no milk to be seen in either the shield or DS's mouth. I feel so disheartened. Effective feeding on the left side with the shield was a positive I was trying to focus on and now I can't even do that.

It's so mentally draining.

I've decided to cancel my friend's visit. The house is a shot hole, I look and feel like crap and I'm really just not up to entertaining people Sad

OP posts:
wiltingfast · 23/08/2017 13:38

Failed breastfeeder x 2 here.

First baby slept beautifully, was a dream sleeper.

Second baby did not sleep Until she was 18m or thereabouts.

Bfing is not the be all and end all. But formula may not fix the feeding issues either. Sounds like you have loads of milk and he can get it so I'm sure it will settle down for you. Don't underestimate the section. It is an OPERATION. Try and remember that and not hop around everywhere.

New baby tho! Congratulations GrinGrinGrin

Vanillaradio · 23/08/2017 13:39

Congratulations on your baby. He sounds a lot like my ds, who for the first 2 weeks of his life slept perfectly in the day and then woke up every 30 minutes to an hour at night. The good news is he became a brilliant sleeper afterwards, slept the night first time at 11 weeks and did so consistently from 6 months.
I am not sure formula is the answer, ds at that stage was on expressed breast milk and formula as he never effectively breast fed and still kept waking.
I can't really help you with the breastfeeding issues therefore. But as far as sleep goes, yes heartbeat noise/ white noise is great, We had Freddie the Frog as ds hated Ewan for some reason. Infacol also helped as he had a lot of trapped wind. And making sure he was the right temperature, he was very sensitive to being cold although prob not so much a problem in August! Otherwise it was just ride it out and wait till his body clock reset. Hope things improve.

Postmanpatisarubbishpostman · 23/08/2017 13:43

FlowersBrewCake those early weeks are sooo hard. It's so much harder with 2xdc to look after.

I think sometimes with a newborn you've just got to settle for the absolute basics.

swingofthings · 23/08/2017 13:53

So you think he is crying because he's not getting enough milk? Hedge you spoken with the midwife/HV?

I bottlefed my two and both cried and hardly slept for weeks. Serum awake every 2 to 2 1/2 weeks after 6 weeks. So switching to bottle won't forcibly resolve the issue.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 23/08/2017 14:03

So you think he is crying because he's not getting enough milk? Hedge you spoken with the midwife/HV?

No, I'm happy he's getting enough milk. His weight gain, his nappies, the volume I can express etc don't cause me any concerns about my supply, he just wants to be held ALL the time at night.

OP posts:
Allhallowseve · 23/08/2017 14:06

Mine are both ff and don't sleep . Ds1 is 3 and has never slept well we had a year of 4.30am wake ups and had a feed in the night until he was nearly 2.
Ds2 is also an early riser currently 10months and had two feeds in night last night then up at 4.50 .
Mine haven never slept well . I cosleep to get as much sleep as possible do what works for you . But don't expect formula to be a magic solution to sleep. I also demand fed so had no routine with feeds if that makes any difference.

ExPresidents · 23/08/2017 14:38

Sorry you're so exhausted OP, it is so hard the first couple of weeks.

Have you tried different positions for on the left? I had similar issues with cracking/bleeding and found I just wasn't as adept at getting DS on on that side, so we did the rugby ball hold on that side for a while which helped massively and once he was latching correctly it was much less painful and I healed even while still feeding. I didn't get on with shields either.

Good luck, I would stick with it, it will get better so quickly although I know it seems like a lifetime away.

SaneAsABoxOfFrogs · 23/08/2017 14:46

My baby is currently 8 days old and also ebf and honesty I could have written your post. I am sorry I don't have anything constructive to add, just a great big hand hold and Flowers as oh my god it's tough. Feeding or holding him ALL night, or if I manage to put him down, getting about 10 minutes to almost fall asleep before he's grumbling and looking for milk again. Husband has been great looking after my toddler, but I'm like an extra from a zombie film right now. I just keep telling myself 'it will get easier, it will get easier'...

Honeybee79 · 23/08/2017 14:48

Both of mine were bottled fed. The first was fab, the second was awful. DD (the second) refused any daytime sleep that lasted longer than 20 mins until she was about 4 months old and the nights were just hideous. It's all a bit of a blur now (she's 9 months and still not brilliant, but much better). I was definitely awake more than asleep at night until she was about 10 weeks or something. In my experience, I'm unconvinced by the myth of formula increasing the chance of sleep!

Lostmymarbles1985 · 23/08/2017 16:19

Try the rugby ball hold on the left if you haven't already. Gives you a better view of babies latch and easier to see that baby isn't just sucking on the nipple.
Both mine were cracked and bleeding with my first. My midwife showed me the rugby ball hold and although it still made my eyes water as he latched for a few days once he got going the pain subsided. After a few days they started to heal and we got the hang of it. Lansinoh nipple cream is also amazing!! Good luck. The sleep will come. My four have all been different but get there in the end!

WombOfOnesOwn · 23/08/2017 16:44

Although people will probably get mad at me for saying so, and in spite of anecdotes about poorly-sleeping FF babies, research has consistently demonstrated that FF babies sleep through the night substantially earlier than BF babies.

FF infants sleep through the night on average at 11 weeks old. Of course, no individual child is an average. Some children will sleep well regardless, some children wouldn't sleep well even if every feed consisted of the nectar of the gods and a tablespoon of Benadryl.

ExPresidents · 23/08/2017 17:11

Womb can you link to any recent scientific research that shows that? I'd be interested to read it.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 23/08/2017 20:11

I have tried the Rugby Ball hold but without success.

I've contacted a BF Support Group who will be phoning me tomorrow to arrange a home visit to assess latch and attachment and advise on possible tongue tie. I feel more positive now that I've taken some action.

DS has been really settled so far this evening and I'm praying for a better night. I can already feel my nipples tingling with dread about what the night may have in store.

I bought some dummies earlier but haven't used them yet. I don't particularly want to but I can't cope with another night like last night.

OP posts:
Jezzifishie · 23/08/2017 20:28

Just in case it is tongue tie - it can be fixed really easily. DD had hers snipped at 3 days old, and it seemed to be more traumatic for me and DH than for her! (Cried for 5 seconds then had some milk and forgot all about it)

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 23/08/2017 20:36

My husband has a slight tongue tie, as does my other son, and as it's a generic trait down the male bloodline I do wonder if new baby is suffering with it.

I took DS1 to by assessed for TT when he was 6 weeks old and although the Specialist said he did have one she didn't think cutting it would be of any benefit as it was so minor and instead she advised me on latch and attachment.

The problems I had with DS1's feeding were nothing in comparison to my current problems hence why I'm questioning whether new baby is affected by a more severe tongue tie. In a way I hope he is because like you said, at least then it can be fixed.

OP posts:
Crabbitstick · 23/08/2017 20:53

You are doing a great job! Well done for persevering.

Formula won't be answer - FF babies may sleep through earlier but research shows that after 6 months there is no difference between BF and FF.

Can you feed lying on your side? That was my absolute saviour when my baby wouldn't sleep.

Your own milk should help your nipple heal too - magical stuff.

I had to cut a few things out of my diet because son was windy and unhappy - broccoli, lentils, curry. If it would make you farty chances are it could effect your baby.

This site is fab for advice themilkmeg.com

Good luck - you're doing great.

Jezzifishie · 23/08/2017 21:06

I was born with a tongue tie, and DD's was severe (her tongue was basically a heart shape, poor little thing). Hope you get things sorted soon - hang in there, you're doing great!!