AIBU in leaving my DS at home alone?

[Bex22]

Just wanted a range of impartial feedback. DH and I work fulltime and DS1 (eldest of 3) is fed up with after-school club. DH can work from home for 2 days a week and he has organised his work schedule so he can drop off and pick up so we are minimising child-care. On two days a week, we will need to use the after-school club for two DDs aged 8 and 6, but I was wondering whether to let DS who will be a Year 6 and is a very sensible 10 year old, walk home and be on his own for up to two and a quarter hours. We also have a dog so he would get some company (the dog, I mean!) To give you some extra context, we live in a village, the village shop is across the road, grandparents live at the other end of the village and the other ones in the next village, and I work 9 minutes drive away. I had decided on it, but the NSPCC web-site has worried me a bit because it states the age of 12 (although it does then fudge a bit and vaguely say something about children being alright after school!) Opinions please! I work in education so I suppose I am hyper-sensitive about safeguarding etc!!

I have done this with DS in the last term of year 6. He was a young year 6 as birthday in summer hols. He had a key and had already been walking home from school by himself for about a year. He is a very sensible boy and had my phone number and knew to knock on our neighbours door if he needed anything.

Younger DD carried on going to after school club.

Oh and DS was also fed up of after school club!

I really think it depends on the child. I have a ten year old boy. Hes the eldest and I wouldn't trust him as he's very babyish. It sounds like a good set up. Would you give him a.mobile, an old one so you csn get him at all times?

Personally I wouldn't until secondary school.

Its fine and will give him some confidence before going to high school. Might want to make sure internet parental controls are rigid though 😊

Sounds fine.

Oh and make sure he is able to make himself a snack.... yy to mobile phone, that is the main thing

I think the issue will be what if the younger ones say they also want to go home? Even if you say not till you're ten how do you feel about it?

To be honest I think ten is still a bit young.

I wouldn't have, even though my DD1 is ultra-sensible, mainly because she wouldn't have felt safe on her own. Have no problems doing it now she's a teen. But you know your own child, if he's sensible and is happy to do it, it should be fine

Thanks for these comments; my gut feeling is that he will be fine, otherwise I wouldn't consider it. Yes, I will be making sure he can't access the internet- had thought of that. You're right, he will have to have this situation anyway when he goes to secondary as the bus drops the kids off in the village and then they all walk home regardless. After-school club does its best but the problem is that you have children from reception up to Year 6 all together and I think there is quite a lot of silliness with the older girls telling on the older boys etc etc. He may as well be doing his homework at home!! ;)

I wouldn't, ten is too young. If everything goes smoothly, fine, but will he be able to cope if unexpected problems crop up, or there's an emergency of some kind?

I suppose I could try it for half a term and see how we go- if DS feels uncomfortable or any problems, can then reinstate AS club. It's so difficult isn't it- we were playing all round the block on our own when we were younger than this- parents knew where were but we were in and out of each others houses and there didn't seem to be the same level of concern.

I probably would.
BUT then when I do leave my own alone (11yo just finished yr 6) I'm not always comfortable with it.
My eldest is 14yo (just finished yr 9) and I've happily left them alone together in the house for a few hours for a number of years.
Our primary finishes at 3pm and he can be home by 3.10pm but often goes to the park until 4pm or later. Secondary is a bus which drops at the top of the road at 3.25pm but ds1 sometimes goes to clubs etc.
I like to be home by 4.30pm at the latest, although I'm usually home by 3.30pm.
Occasionally I have courses which get me home at 5.30pm or 6.30pm and I mostly don't arrange for someone to be here now, although the past year has brought a lot of changes in our family life and last term I didn't want them to have to be alone.
I tend to swap my days so I'm home for school INSET days even though ds1 often just goes out.
I've gone to work/meetings for a few hours and left them at home this holiday but haven't done a full day.

Does he feel comfortable with the idea and confident that he can cope? That's one of the most important things (the other being that you can trust him to behave!)

Most children should be able to manage home alone for a couple of hours by that age. Where I live nearly all children are home alone after school from age 8/9 (too old for after school care) and some from younger so its not impossible for children to cope, just a matter of preparing them for the independence and responsibility. Just got off the phone with DD who is home alone now as I had to go to the city today and her only concern is what she can have for her after-school snack!

This is exactly what I do with my son, he started in the last term of yr 5. There is a key safe, he walks home and plays on his iPad or watches TV till I get home. He has been fine.

I did it with my DD. I would phone to check on her when she got home. She was fine, and I don't think could have stood the after school club another minute (she was struggling enough with school - friend issues).

It's fine.

Talk to him about what he can and can't do (mine are banned from cooking when home alone, for example).

Talk to him about who he should contact in an emergency, a neighbour is probably best as first port of call if you have a friendly one?! Leave a list of everyone's numbers next to the phone.

Do the whole 'I'm trusting you to be responsible if you do xyz I WILL find out and you WILL go back to after school club' speech.

I would maybe ask him to give a you a quick call from the home phone when he gets in, just to let you know he is home safe and not messing about on the way home.

Our school encourages children to walk home alone, if safe to do so - not too many roads/ not living too far away - which most don't - the catchment is very small and most live very close - In year 6, in preparation for secondary.

so what you are suggesting sounds perfectly fine.

Do your school not encourage similar?

I don't think I would, personally. Though I'm guessing he may be doing similar very shortly at secondary age

It's absolutely fine to be home alone for a couple of hours in Y6. Usual safeguards in place etc etc.

I know what your DC means about after school clubs. They do tend to be aimed at 5-8 year olds (which is fair enough, because children of that age definitely cannot be home alone).

I'm a y6 teacher and this is quite common in my year group. It's a done thing.

Really depends on the child but mine walked home in year 6 and I don't get in until 6.00pm.
Just sensible precautions like numbers by the telephone and having a neighbour he knows if a problem.
Spare key with a neighbour or key safe is a good idea too.

If he is fine with it I think it is fine. Has he been left at home at all before tho?

If not I would start to do that now - 20-30 mins at a time - so he can see what it's like.

NSPCC guidelines are dangerous nonsense IMHO.

I'm surprised at all the posters who are saying NO.
Am I the only one whose school encourage this in Year 6, in preparation for secondary?
Do you allow your child out alone? Do they get the bus or train on their own? Normally? Ever?

How will they get to secondary?
So they aren't mature enough to do this now? But in a few months time, they will be travelling to secondary alone? By various means of travel?

or do all parents continue to drive secondary school pupils to school?
All our local schools encourage walking to school, if at all possible. Health reasons also apply. Its better for them, reduces obesity.

Some parents drive their secondary school children to school. For many reasons. Some live far away and commute to nearby.
but most kids come from this place itself, so walk.
And most others, come from the feeder schools, most travelling by train.

Those children must have had some preparation, before the first day of year 7, re taking the train? surely.

I do believe a year 6, and definitely a year 7, 'MOST' should be confidently travel to school, and be at home for 1.5/2 hours, happily, in the afternoon, till their parents get home. Unless there are exceptional circumstances, anxiety or SN, etc.

I have this exact dilemma although my 10 year old nearly Yr 6 sonson except he has an older sibling (12.5). I have bitten the billet and gone for it. I have been prepping him to open the door with his own key and he has a mobile. I will be home by 4.15 at the latest and the longest he will be on his own is about 30 mins until older sibling gets home.

It took me until this point of the holidays to make the decision - but I am now at peace!

Hope you manage to make your decision soon