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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in leaving my DS at home alone?

89 replies

Bex22 · 21/08/2017 12:53

Just wanted a range of impartial feedback. DH and I work fulltime and DS1 (eldest of 3) is fed up with after-school club. DH can work from home for 2 days a week and he has organised his work schedule so he can drop off and pick up so we are minimising child-care. On two days a week, we will need to use the after-school club for two DDs aged 8 and 6, but I was wondering whether to let DS who will be a Year 6 and is a very sensible 10 year old, walk home and be on his own for up to two and a quarter hours. We also have a dog so he would get some company (the dog, I mean!) To give you some extra context, we live in a village, the village shop is across the road, grandparents live at the other end of the village and the other ones in the next village, and I work 9 minutes drive away. I had decided on it, but the NSPCC web-site has worried me a bit because it states the age of 12 (although it does then fudge a bit and vaguely say something about children being alright after school!) Opinions please! I work in education so I suppose I am hyper-sensitive about safeguarding etc!!

OP posts:
CreamCheeseBrownies · 28/08/2017 20:52

I think it's a question of stages. This year DD will be in Y6. I'm just about ok with her walking home but I think she needs to do that for a while before I'll be ok with her coming home to an empty house for a couple of hours. She needs to practice walking home alone and being home alone separately before I'm happy to run them together IYSWIM.

At a minimum I would want to be ringing the home phone to check he's back.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 28/08/2017 20:55

I think it depends, a) is he the older end of year 6 so nearly 11, or the younger end and not long turned 10? b) is there someone he can let know he's home/can you check your phone at work? and c) can you trust him to actually go home, watch TV or whatever he's said he'll be doing?

Also will his school allow it? The one I work at is happy for year 6 to walk home alone if parents tell us its ok but DD's school say not until the final term of year 6.

Doilooklikeatourist · 28/08/2017 21:05

Sounds fine to me , DD did the same
Can't believe that secondary school demanding to see parents '!!!!!!!!
shove them on the school bus at 8 and see them at 4-20 here !
after they walk up the lane

AhoyPirates · 28/08/2017 21:13

I would, you just have to talk through some what if scenarios so a child knows what to do. I think it is the unknown that is the worst. Understanding that you need to close curtains because in winter when it is dark and you turn the light on, everyone outside can see inside etc.

You need to lay down what it is he can do in the time he is alone. I would do it for a trial period.

My phone is an android and you can install an app to locate the phone.

Maybe he can text you when he gets in. Also have your number memorised just in case (ds2 knows mine and he is 11) and sort out who he can turn to should anything go wrong.

My friend's son is summer born and his birthday is 31st August meaning he starts secondary school this year 5 days after he turns 11.

YorkieDorkie · 28/08/2017 21:15

I think that sounds fine. Just make sure that he knows not to cook anything or boil the kettle in that time. Leave anything he needs such as drinks and snacks where he can easily get them or some prepared sandwiches in the fridge etc.
Lock the door when he gets in and call grandparents to tell them he's home and safe. I can't see a problem if you trust him.

Viviennemary · 28/08/2017 21:16

I think they're a bit young to be left for over two hours.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 28/08/2017 21:16

Surely a sensible 10 year old with family or kind neighbours nearby can be left for a while. I often was. Here in Germany it's normal for quite young kids to bike, bus or walk to school and back, but they often go with friends.

exLtEveDallas · 28/08/2017 21:25

shove them on the school bus at 8 and see them at 4-20 here
after they walk up the lane

And here (including the lane part!)

The only time I collect DD is if she has done an after school sport, which means she doesn't finish until 5pm (and the busses have stopped)

notangelinajolie · 28/08/2017 21:26

I didn't allow DC's to be home alone until secondary school. SAHM but if I knew I wasn't going to be home eldest DC year 6 was allowed to walk to GP's house 2 mins from school on the proviso I got a text message saying they were safe. Younger ones would have to be either picked up from school by me/DH or GP or stay at after school club.

crazyhairdontcare · 28/08/2017 21:31

I would say that it 100% depends on the child. My son could be happily left at 10, my DD absolutely no way. I have friends whose DC have never got the bus anywhere or been left at home at the age of 13. Do what you're comfortable with, only you know how responsible your DS is.

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 28/08/2017 21:34

I walked to school from 6 or 7 (in a village, and I'm not that old) - I knew that I could knock on any door, and they'd know who I was, and they would help (although I would have picked and chosen my doors :D)

by year 6, no problem, in a village, with plenty of people around who could help out, and these days with mobile phones and skype - I wouldn't hesitate.

Go for it OP - by a year later, and a lot of kids in my village when I was young, and now, was on a 40 minute journey by train and foot to the nearest town for secondary. A bit of time at home alone with the dog is fine (assuming he's not the kind of child that will try to roast marshmallows on the stove or other silly things)

EllaBells · 28/08/2017 21:41

Children here walk home from p2 / p3 and some p1 ! Which is bonkers to me but what OP is suggesting sounds fine.

chickenanbeanz · 29/08/2017 17:19

I lived in a village from the age of 10 both my parents worked full time. My sister (2 yrs older than me) and me were left to our own devices all day in school hols, often my sister would get the bus to nearest town to meet friends so id be home alone
My parents also went out every Friday night from when I was 10 we never had a babysitter. No harm came to us

driveninsanebythehubby · 29/08/2017 22:35

Another in support here! It sounds as though you've considered everything and it seems a rational decision to let him do it. As a PP said, I'd tell him that if he does do anything wrong then it will be the ASC from then on.

You've got me thinking now about my middle son. He's 9, nearly 10 and about to start year 5. He's asked several times if he'd be allowed to walk or cycle home from school alone and be in the house with his 12 year old brother (once he gets home). I've been saying no, but I'm thinking after this I might tell him after the Christmas holidays and the nights are starting to get lighter again we will reconsider it. Maybe ur will incentivise him to improve his behaviour too!

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