Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU in leaving my DS at home alone?

89 replies

Bex22 · 21/08/2017 12:53

Just wanted a range of impartial feedback. DH and I work fulltime and DS1 (eldest of 3) is fed up with after-school club. DH can work from home for 2 days a week and he has organised his work schedule so he can drop off and pick up so we are minimising child-care. On two days a week, we will need to use the after-school club for two DDs aged 8 and 6, but I was wondering whether to let DS who will be a Year 6 and is a very sensible 10 year old, walk home and be on his own for up to two and a quarter hours. We also have a dog so he would get some company (the dog, I mean!) To give you some extra context, we live in a village, the village shop is across the road, grandparents live at the other end of the village and the other ones in the next village, and I work 9 minutes drive away. I had decided on it, but the NSPCC web-site has worried me a bit because it states the age of 12 (although it does then fudge a bit and vaguely say something about children being alright after school!) Opinions please! I work in education so I suppose I am hyper-sensitive about safeguarding etc!!

OP posts:
Oblomov17 · 21/08/2017 13:56

Why are all these children being mollycoddled? This generation? why cant they be left alone, happily for a short time? Why are they being driven to school, instead of travelling themselves?

HiJenny35 · 21/08/2017 14:02

No our school certainly doesn't encourage similar, in fact our secondary school insists on seeing patents at pick up for the first week of secondary and encourages parents to collect children from school for the first year of secondary. Our primary has to see a parent before letting a child leave. I wouldn't trust a ten year old in an emergency, fire, stranger knocking etc.

Oblomov17 · 21/08/2017 14:17

Really Jenny? Goodness, well-i-never!!

alletik · 21/08/2017 14:23

I'm in the same position. I'm changing jobs and it's a mile down a busy A road (in a village) to get home. Thankfully there are crossings and DD will be safe. We've agreed to one day at after school club, and the other day walking home alone until I get back (about 30 - 40 mins later) or her older sister (20 - 30 mins later) The other days are sorted.

I think it's fine. We started letting her walk home (when I was already at home) in the last term of year 5, so route and that's all sorted. We've started letting her be at home alone for half an hour or so, so I'm happy, and most importantly she is too. But she will be getting the bus to secondary, and travelling 8 miles to school alone the following year - so I think she can manage one walk home a week with her friends in year 6!

And when I panic, I remind myself of my friend who was told she was being an overbearing mother for not letting her child walk home from school alone. It too was one mile and down the equivalent of a busy A road. The difference was the child in question was only 7 years old and they lived in mainland Europe. And do you know what? The child managed just fine!

mummytime · 21/08/2017 14:34

Really Jenny???? That is weird.
At DC's secondary about 1/3rd travel by school bus, and probably another 1/3rd us public buses. The rest walk home, with only a few being picked up by car (none walked by parents - far too embarrassing). And even with the number collected by car being small there is still a lot of traffic on the roads around school.
At primary they only really started to be allowed home in years 5 and 6, but a few then started to take buses home.

Inadays · 21/08/2017 14:41

I don't mean to detail your thread OP but I wonder wHat people's opinions of my situation are? I work 3 full days per week during the holidays and am out of the house from 8.30 - 6pm. I'm leaving my (fairly) sensible DS (14) home alone for all 3 days and don't like it, but have no other options as he refuses to go to any clubs or do any sporting activities. He seems happy enough playing on his computer and gaming online with his friends. I do contact him 2/3 times a day though! Is this reasonable? Would be interested to know what other MNs think.

scrabbler3 · 21/08/2017 14:46

It's absolutely fine inadays.

booellesmum · 21/08/2017 14:46

Inadays -
It's fine. I work mostly fulltime and can't have all the holidays off.
Mine have both been left full days (8.00 'til 6.00) since starting seniors.
They are happier at home than being dragged out of bed at the crack of dawn to go to a grandparents or holiday club.
They were both capable of making snacks and drinks at that age and knew what to do in an emergency.

vikingprincess81 · 21/08/2017 14:46

I was left alone (for short periods) at that age 400 years ago and wouldn't have any qualms about leaving my dd home. Ds on the other hand, err no. (He's not NT) so I guess it depends on the child. You know your child OP, and I think a mobile phone, maybe a quiet word to your neighbours (if you like and trust them) that he'll be home alone after school, and a list of numbers to call in case he needs them, should be fine. He'll know how to call 999 if needed right? If you think he's ready, then he probably is. You living in a village makes a difference too imho.

vikingprincess81 · 21/08/2017 14:47

Inadays totally fine in my book Smile

leddeeburdee · 21/08/2017 14:49

I have a DS the exact same age and he is also very sensible. I think it sounds fine.
I would call to make sure he was home safely and make sure there were some fairly clear house rules in place about not cooking etc.
We have also set up our home phone so that if you press and hold 1 it calls my mobile, 2, DH, 3, our office - not sure if you can set up something similar, but I know DS and DD both find it useful.

alletik · 21/08/2017 14:50

"in fact our secondary school insists on seeing patents at pick up for the first week of secondary and encourages parents to collect children from school for the first year of secondary"

Have to agree with the others this is most unusual. I've never seen this in any of the secondary schools I've ever taught in. In fact the opposite is true, whilst most schools recognise some parents need to collect their children - at secondary the preference is definitely for children to make their own way to / from school (by whatever means - walk, bus, train etc)

amicissimma · 21/08/2017 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OliviaBenson · 21/08/2017 14:54

I'd make a deal with him that he can start after Christmas but he has to prove himself responsible in the mean time.

bingolittle · 21/08/2017 14:57

I absolutely would, provided you and your son are both comfortable with it.

Of course kids differ, but some are more than fine with this at 10 and it sounds like he's one of them.

Inadays · 21/08/2017 15:05

Thanks everyone Smile

Natsku · 21/08/2017 15:08

in fact our secondary school insists on seeing patents at pick up for the first week of secondary and encourages parents to collect children from school for the first year of secondary

Wow that's really sad actually, feel sorry for the children. It doesn't do them any favours to be treated like 5 year olds when they're not.

And when I panic, I remind myself of my friend who was told she was being an overbearing mother for not letting her child walk home from school alone. It too was one mile and down the equivalent of a busy A road. The difference was the child in question was only 7 years old and they lived in mainland Europe. And do you know what? The child managed just fine

Its similar here (Finland), you won't get told you're overbearing but it's rare to see parents picking their children up after the first few weeks of 1st grade unless they're in after school care and the parent is picking them up on their way home from work. DD is in preschool and isn't the only one walking alone.

TempusEejit · 21/08/2017 15:10

I was left alone for three hours every Saturday morning as a yr6 (late birthday) kid whilst dad took my DBro to football practice. This was pre mobiles and there was no one else I could call anyway! Not saying it was the right thing for dad to have done but because he was totally blase about it I felt no anxiety at being home alone. If something had gone wrong I reckon I'd have just gone round to a neighbour's. I think with all the circumstances you describe your DS would be fine.

toastandbutterandjam · 21/08/2017 15:11

My mum did this with me, never even had to think about it. I knew exactly what to do in an emergency, fire, not answer the door etc. We couldn't leave my sibling till later though. Purely because (she has autism, DCD and SPD) she had no awareness of danger. If there was a fire, I'd climb out the living room window (ground floor level), whereas she's more likely to call me and say 'there's a fire, i'll sit in the living room and wait for you to come and make it go away' - she knows it's dangerous, but she doesn't fully understand the dangers (if that makes sense!)

3 years on and she can be home alone, she loves it, doesn't answer the door, she has a snack in the fridge made for her and waits for someone to come home to cook/help her in the bath etc. She's comfortable with it - we did a few trials where i'd go to a coffee shop (top of the road) for maybe 30-40 mins and see how she got on/if she was comfortable. We do repeat (frequently) what to do if there was a fire etc, just so she remembers!

toastandbutterandjam · 21/08/2017 15:12

Forgot to add, your setup sounds fine to me!

clary · 21/08/2017 15:18

our secondary school insists on seeing patents at pick up for the first week of secondary

They'd have been lucky in our case - DH works till 6pm some nights and I work in education (not the DCs' school) so while I am not late home, I can't ever be there at 3.25pm! What a bizarre request! All of my DC walked home from primary alone (or with a friend or even their sibling!) by year 6.

Inadays that is totally fine IMO. My teens prefer not to leave their room the sofa the house at all!

Original poster
Bex22 · 21/08/2017 15:33

Thanks everyone for all your responses- it is very reassuring to know that I am not the only one in this position, and to hear all your experiences; haven't posted for years on Mumsnet and it has been a revelation! Many thanks.

OP posts:
endehors · 21/08/2017 15:38

our secondary school insists on seeing patents at pick up for the first week of secondary

How on earth do they police that?

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 21/08/2017 15:40

I think it would be fine.

My dses started walking home together from when ds1 was in year 5 and ds2 toward the end of year 4. By the time ds2 went in to year 6 they were letting themselves in as I would stay in bed (night shifts). When ds2 went in to year 8 I switched to day shifts and now they are home alone some days for most of the day. They are 13 and 14. Ds1 was home alone last week as ds2 went to my mums and when I worked, he didn't get up until lunchtime!

It depends on your children but I don't think being too protective helps them at all.

eyebrowsonfleek · 21/08/2017 15:52

I think it's fine. My children have done this in y6 on the proviso that they have to be responsible or it's back to childminder.

Swipe left for the next trending thread