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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU in leaving my DS at home alone?

89 replies

Bex22 · 21/08/2017 12:53

Just wanted a range of impartial feedback. DH and I work fulltime and DS1 (eldest of 3) is fed up with after-school club. DH can work from home for 2 days a week and he has organised his work schedule so he can drop off and pick up so we are minimising child-care. On two days a week, we will need to use the after-school club for two DDs aged 8 and 6, but I was wondering whether to let DS who will be a Year 6 and is a very sensible 10 year old, walk home and be on his own for up to two and a quarter hours. We also have a dog so he would get some company (the dog, I mean!) To give you some extra context, we live in a village, the village shop is across the road, grandparents live at the other end of the village and the other ones in the next village, and I work 9 minutes drive away. I had decided on it, but the NSPCC web-site has worried me a bit because it states the age of 12 (although it does then fudge a bit and vaguely say something about children being alright after school!) Opinions please! I work in education so I suppose I am hyper-sensitive about safeguarding etc!!

OP posts:

HiJenny35 · 25/08/2017 00:33

It's not hard, for the first week of secondary all children go to the main school hall at the end of the day and sit on chairs and the parents turn up to the hall and collect them. Not exactly difficult. Form tutors are there waiting and chat with any parents with concerns etc. It's only the first week it's hardly hard.

elevenclips · 25/08/2017 00:42

You said that you will make sure he can't access the Internet. I don't understand this part - if he cannot be trusted not to access the Internet (i.e. Self policing), he is too young to be home alone.

I think hes too young. Sure he doesn't want to do ASC - loads of kids don't. But he has to if you say so.

What's to stop him staying out for ages before coming home if he knows nobody is coming in for 2+ hours?

If you did it I'd suggest you get him an iPhone so you can use the find my iPhone app as a tracker on him.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 25/08/2017 00:54

It's fine. Not all 10 yo's are confident or trustworthy enough but plenty are & you sound confident your DS would be. Especially given how close you & Grandparents are & you're in a village.

You could always start with 1 or two nights a week (Dad two nights) leaving one or two nights he goes to ASC for the first half term then reassess.

Do try to ignore the batshit comments.

quizqueen · 25/08/2017 01:24

Would the grandparents be willing to pop in a couple of times a week each at random times ( as they are both close) just so he knows that he might get caught out if he bought loads of mates back with him!

Pollypudding · 25/08/2017 07:07

I think it's fine if you prepare for this. I did the same for my son - we set some ground rules together - dos and dont's. Mine were things like- no friends round to play. His were - don't play with darts! Quite sensible really. We had a key safe in the garden programmed with his date of birth and we had emergency contact numbers pinned to notice board and some snacks in the fridge. Had a couple of dry runs too. Naturally I was anxious at first but it was fine and I think it made him quite an independent young person.
Hope all goes well with your son.

gamerwidow · 25/08/2017 07:40

As others have said it's fine if your son is sensible and you know he is up to it.
There is nothing about going to secondary school that magically makes a y7 more capable than a y6. A lot of children starting y7 will only be a few months older than some starting y6.

nonevernotever · 25/08/2017 07:47

Another one who thinks it's fine, although, in addition to the other precautions people have mentioned, I would also talk him through what happens if there's a fire (ie leave immediately - no hanging around trying to put it out etc). When I was young our freezer caught fire when my then 10 year old brother was home alone. Our mother was only across the road so he went across to her to ask her what to do, but after that we were all given clear instructions about what to do.

GeorgeTheHamster · 25/08/2017 08:09

I think it's fine. Talk to him about answering the door. I told mine not to, but they felt uncomfortable ignoring it. I think we actually role played doing that at one point!

1981trouble · 25/08/2017 09:54

We live in a village and my 9 yo has been coming home alone for the last few months and being home 15-30 minutes before I get home. He was happy to do this which was key, he is a sensible lad so I was happy too (younger ones won't be doing that until they are 25!!).

We have a set of safeguards in place - mobile phone, he has to text me as soon as he is home, back up of a place to go If he is ever unhappy. And for the first few times I was actually home before him but waiting round the corner to let him do it!!

Based on that, I would have no issue in him being home for a couple of hours once in y6.

Might be too late now but I would start now by building it up - comes home alone for 10-15 minutes then 30 mins as 2 1/2 hrs is a lot to go straight into.

Also make sure he has some ideas of what to do if his key doesn't work, what is he allowed to snack on, can he have friends round, what if someone knocks on the door, no power etc

grannytomine · 25/08/2017 10:00

My GS is a year older and has been doing this for the last year. We don't live far away and if he fancies company he comes to me instead of home and just lets his mum know. My sons did it quite happily at this age as well, unless they are very silly I don't see a problem.

If you are worried would GPs be able to pop in for the first few weeks just to check?

Ffeyone · 25/08/2017 10:01

I did, he was fine, he's 12 now but has been ok on his own since 10. 9 year old DD doesn't like being on her own at all and probably won't for ages, she has a child minder on the one day a week one of us can't to school pick up.

MsAwesomeDragon · 25/08/2017 10:01

Dd1 walked home alone when she was in y6. She'd get home 3:45/4 (sometimes stopped at a park with some friends and wouldn't get home til 4:30). I arrived home just after 5, so it wasn't quite as long as your ds will be at home alone, but it was every night. She loved it, was very sensible, we had nice neighbours who were available in an emergency although she never needed to ask for help.

I'd say it's fine, but only if you have a sensible Ds and talk about what to do in specific situations. Ie, do you want him to answer the door or not, same with phone, what to do if xyz happens, etc.

spidey66 · 25/08/2017 10:02

Jenny
Not a parent, but...
My old secondary school had 1,000 pupils. It would be mayhem if they were all collected!
Also many of the parents were likely to have younger kids in primary school and their day would finish at the same time, how can they pick up from both schools? How do parents fit in in a job with those regulations?

spidey66 · 25/08/2017 10:04

Sorry Jenny just re read your post and it's only first years you're referring to. Even so!

Madonna9 · 25/08/2017 10:06

I walked home alone from school when I was way younger. I used to love the peace and quiet in the house when everyone else wasn't home yet. Got to watch TV, eat an extra cookie ;-)
Maybe he can call his (grand)parent(s) to check in when he's home?
I think it will be good for his self confidence.

swingofthings · 25/08/2017 10:10

Did it with DD. She had to text me as soon as she got home. If I didn't get the text within 5 mns, I'd panic! She was good though and got in the habit and continued to do so for a couple of years although I stopped looking at my phone waiting for it months before.

NeonFlower · 28/08/2017 20:32

I would aim to do it from March onwards. Get through the winter months (don't know about your area but we always seem to get loads of stranger danger alerts in oct/nov and these can be alarming for parents and kids if you ger ones are walking home) and he will be a bit older by then.

trappedinsuburbia · 28/08/2017 20:33

You know your son and if he's responsible enough.
I've been doing it with mine from a similar age, I tell him to lock the door once he's in and keep the key with him, key left in back door also in case a quick exit is needed (thinking of fire). Not to answer the door, mobile phone on him etc.
Also he could chap on any of the neighbours door if needed, they're a pretty reasonable bunch.

BananaThePoet · 28/08/2017 20:38

You say walk home alone - does that mean without any friends going in the same direction?
I walked home from school without adult supervision from the age of seven onwards but I wasn't alone - I had friends along the way.
I think I'd be concerned if a ten year old was walking a lonely patch of road totally alone because of the risk of stranger danger - but I suppose with a check up once he arrives home to make sure he gets there safely and so there wouldn't be a long period of time where nobody knew he was missing - it ought to be okay. At least you'd know to get worried and start a search if he didn't arrive - though these days a mobile phone can sort that out too.

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 28/08/2017 20:39

I wouldn't. We actually had a massive house fire about 4 years ago. I was frozen with shock when it happened and couldn't move to get out.

How would a 10 year old cope with that? My dad is going to her childminder still when she starts secondary next week. There's always Y7s at her minders, so I'm not alone in this.

indulgentberries · 28/08/2017 20:39

What does your DS think? If he's not keen then he's probably not old enough yet.

StarUtopia · 28/08/2017 20:45

I would. Personally, I find it quite worrying when parents of 15yr olds + talk about how they won't let them be home alone. Independence is a good thing. It shows you've done a very good job of parenting !

I'm happy now for my 4 yr old to be downstairs on her own in the morning if I'm still in bed. She's sensible and would come and ask me if she wanted something. i know it's not quite the same, but I believe she will be more than ready to be left alone at age 10!

Lweji · 28/08/2017 20:47

We actually had a massive house fire about 4 years ago. I was frozen with shock when it happened and couldn't move to get out. How would a 10 year old cope with that?

Probably better than you, actually.

Cleanermaidcook · 28/08/2017 20:47

I would if he's sensible. My eldest Dd got 2 busses by herself to and from school in year 6 because we moved house, it wasn't ideal but she was fine, I think independence is a good thing. X

Lweji · 28/08/2017 20:48

I think you've been lucky, OP.

Even recently there was a thread where some pps were adamant a 10 year old couldn't be left with a 13 year old.

If he's happy to, then it's fine.

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