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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband and toilet time

118 replies

C0untDucku1a · 20/08/2017 12:39

I dont know if im being totally unreasonable being so irritated by this.

My husband has a minimum of three poos a day. He doesnt have any diagnosed health issues. It annoys me because he spends so much time in a day in there. We only have one toilet. I have in the past suspected he does it for quiet time. we only have one toilet so it impacts us all.

Aibu to be so irriated? Should i be ordering him to see a doctor... or eat less??? Or are three - four poos a day normal?

OP posts:
TheRadiantAerynSun · 21/08/2017 14:05

DH can take a while; he goes at certain times regardless of weather there is one in the chamberso to speakand will wait until their is.

I go only when I need one.

We both find each other's way incomprehensible.

Is not so bad for us as our toilet and bathroom are separate, so he's not hogging all the facilities. He will also swiftly vacate with relatively good grace if someone needs to use the loo.

milliemolliemou · 21/08/2017 14:11

@Polly. (1) it sounds abnormal - who needs 3 x half an hour poo sessions? (2) there is only one loo in OP's home so it's pretty selfish (3) what's he up to? I'd be tempted to turn the wifi off as well - providing I'd had a decent discussion with him.

And what does OP's DH do when he goes out to work/visits friends/goes to a restaurant?

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 21/08/2017 14:16

I'd be tempted to turn the wifi off as well - providing I'd had a decent discussion with him.

That's exceptionally controlling. It's not okay to tell someone how long they can poo for, and to try to punish them by turning off the wifi. They're an adult, they can take as long to poo as they want and entertain themselves while doing it.

Controlling behaviour is not acceptable.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 21/08/2017 14:34

That's exceptionally controlling

Using the one and only toilet is also controlling. I'd not bother with the wi fi - I'd set the burglar alarm, set it off and then go out.

vikingprincess81 · 21/08/2017 14:36

keeponworking I kinda want to go for a drink with you just to see what else you know GrinWink

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 21/08/2017 14:38

Using the one and only toilet is also controlling. I'd not bother with the wi fi - I'd set the burglar alarm, set it off and then go out.

Using the toilet isn't controlling Confused It's a bodily function.

I feel sorry for your poor husband. If my DH ever did anything like that to me we'd be getting divorced; controlling behaviour regardless of gender is not acceptable.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 21/08/2017 14:52

Using the toilet isn't controlling It is if use is excessive and unnecessary and restricts others' access.

Nuttynoo · 21/08/2017 14:54

4 times a day is normal for me. I move a lot 20-30k plus steps per day as a mininum, I drink water militantly etc. If anyone can't 'put up' with their partner's normal bodily function, I'd question whether the relationship is in a good place in the first place.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 21/08/2017 14:54

It is if use is excessive and unnecessary and restricts others' access.

It's not excessive or unnecessary; it's simply how often and how long it takes for him to empty his bowels. Everyone is different in that regard.

noeffingidea · 21/08/2017 14:54

My dad used to do this, except he took a book in. We had one toilet between 7 people.
Yes it was annoying as fuck having to wait up to 30 minutes when you were dying to wee.
I can understand having to poo fairly frequently but not the need to read a book, be on the phone or ipad while you're doing it. Everyone else in the family managed to just use the toilet for it's actual purpose - weeing and pooing, wipe, wash hands, then just get out of there.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 21/08/2017 14:57

It's not excessive or unnecessary; it's simply how often and how long it takes for him to empty his bowels. Everyone is different in that regard

What noeffingidea said answers this "I can understand having to poo fairly frequently but not the need to read a book, be on the phone or ipad while you're doing it. Everyone else in the family managed to just use the toilet for it's actual purpose - weeing and pooing, wipe, wash hands, then just get out of there".

Leaspr · 21/08/2017 16:32

My opinion is always "If it takes that long and you need to force it - it wasn't ready to go"!
My partner drives me insane but he has a medical reason. Me? I'm in and out within a few minutes!
A few times a day isn't being unreasonable though.
Perhaps he could check that no one needs to go quick before he disappears in there for half an hour though!

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 21/08/2017 17:23

not the need to read a book, be on the phone or ipad while you're doing it.

People read books, newspapers or Go on the phone or iPad to relax themselves, thereby aiding the process.

noeffingidea · 21/08/2017 18:10

whattodo perhaps they should read their book or ipads sitting outside the toilet on a chair like nomal people then, and pop into the loo when they're suffuciently relaxed. (assuming they have to share with other people).
A healthy digestive system doesn't need a 30 minutes relaxation session to produce a shit. If it does there's probably something wrong.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 21/08/2017 18:15

A healthy digestive system doesn't need a 30 minutes relaxation session to produce a shit. If it does there's probably something wrong.

Everyone's different.

noeffingidea · 21/08/2017 18:26

whattodo no they're not that different really. The human body works in a certain way.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 21/08/2017 18:28

noeffingidea Everyone's different.

Dianag111 · 21/08/2017 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EvenworsethanGlen · 21/08/2017 21:46

That's exceptionally controlling. It's not okay to tell someone how long they can poo for, and to try to punish them by turning off the wifi. They're an adult, they can take as long to poo as they want and entertain themselves while doing it.

Controlling behaviour is not acceptable.

For Christs Sake Whattodo. Lighten Up! Grin

We're discussing pooing habits. POO!!!!
Nothing to get worked up about.

clippityclock · 21/08/2017 21:48

My 7 year old takes his tablet into the loo, books, lego even. He sits on the loo for so long sometimes he gets pins and needles in his legs. I could not care less but I feel his future partners may end up on Mumsnet Grin

CaoNiMartacus · 21/08/2017 21:51

I'm another one who finds it hard to understand lengthy toilet visits. Why go if you'll need to be hanging about, forcing one out? Surely you wait for the call of nature, curl one off, flush and you're done.

dudsville · 21/08/2017 21:53

My oh does this. We have different systems and different wishes for how to grab a quiet moment. I'm in and out in a couple of minutes and like a cup of tea on the sof a. He takes 20 min easy.

dudsville · 21/08/2017 21:54

I honestly believe he enjoys it in there. Thankfully is just us 2 and we have plenty of toilets between us.

Oysterbabe · 21/08/2017 22:06

DH takes ages too. I think he's hiding from our toddler.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 21/08/2017 22:08

It's unhygienic

No, it isn't.

It must just be a man thing.

No, it's not.

For Christs Sake Whattodo. Lighten Up!

We're discussing pooing habits. POO!!!!
Nothing to get worked up about.

So it would be similarly okay, and nothing to get worked up about of course, if a husband were to control his wife's toileting? If he decided to tell her exactly how long she should poo for and what she could or could not do while she was doing it?