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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how you work out holiday cost if you earn less than your partner ?

83 replies

Sunshine250 · 20/08/2017 09:22

We are looking at booking a holiday abroad in October. My budget for a week away is really £800 max which I think is doable. My partner wants to go on a trip which is going to nearly double that each If we do this, it means I'll be paying him back for quite a while afterwards which I could do, but I think it's more sensible just to book the less expensive option How do you work holidays if your partner earns a lot more ?

OP posts:

paq · 20/08/2017 09:23

Don't get yourself into debt for a holiday. If you have a max then stick to it.

sooperdooper · 20/08/2017 09:28

You say this is my max budget and if he wants to do a more expensive holiday & can afford it he pays the difference - that's what I'd say to DH but guess it depends if you're married/living together

Josieannathe2nd · 20/08/2017 09:28

My partner would top up the holiday! If he wants to go to the more expensive option then that's his only option. Or I'd pay for both our flights and he'd do accomodation. Best to make sure you have equal spending money when your actually away as that can be awkward otherwise. However these days I'm pretty much a SAHM & book our family holidays from our joint account, after we've budgeted together.

Goldenbear · 20/08/2017 09:28

Are they your living with partner - do you have children together. If so I think they should pay the difference if they want the holiday so badly. Saying that, even before me and DH had children he would've paid for the extra and did, I've never really paid him back for stuff. I'm 39 so I'm not talking the 1970s.

mintbiscuit · 20/08/2017 09:29

Do you live together? When I lived with DH before marriage all money was pooled. He earned a lot more than me.

If you don't live together I would position it as you have written in your post i.e. you will struggle to pay for more expensive holiday. Tbh if he doesn't tell you you're being silly and that he's happy to top up the extra, i'd be questioning him as my partner. If he wants luxury but doesn't want to put his hand in his pocket for his partner.....

Can't believe he would expect you to pay him back!!

Jaimx86 · 20/08/2017 09:30

In the past, I've asked DP what the maximum is they can afford and if I want a hotel/location more than double that I pay the extra amount. I've spent up to x3 more than them in the past when I've wanted an expensive resort. When I've been studying and not working, DPs have paid for holidays.

MrsOverTheRoad · 20/08/2017 09:33

My partner (now DH) would have paid the difference or the whole thing if he wanted me to come!

NotTheCoolMum · 20/08/2017 09:33

OP ask yourself, if it were him that could not afford the holiday you wanted, would you demand to go anyway and demand he pay you back?

Is that the behaviour of someone who loves and respects their partner?

What is with all these financial abuse posts lately.

caffeinestream · 20/08/2017 09:33

If he wants an expensive holiday he can pay the difference.

Original poster

Sunshine250 · 20/08/2017 09:34

I do live with him , but he's not offered to pay the difference
So I know that if we go with the more expensive option, I'll be paying him back for about 3 months

OP posts:

pourmeanotherglass · 20/08/2017 09:36

We're married with children, I earn twice as much as DH, and we have a joint bank account so pool everything.

If you're not living together I guess it's different. You need to tell him your budget, then if he really wants to go someone you can't afford, he either needs to go with other friends or subsidise you to go.

Goldenbear · 20/08/2017 09:36

I personally think that's a bit miserable but maybe it's a generational thing.

Orangebird69 · 20/08/2017 09:37

I'm sahm so dh pays for everything. We just decide together where to go and what we want to spend. Although even when I was working he earned at least 5x what I did so he still paid for holidays then. Even if we did 'split' things, he'd make up the difference and I don't have to pay him back. I don't understand that at all.

5rivers7hills · 20/08/2017 09:38

The low earner sets the max budget. Then you either holiday at that budget or the high earner tops it up.

5rivers7hills · 20/08/2017 09:40

Doesn't sound like much of a partnership if he wants to force you into a higher cost.

For years I've bloody compromised on holidays because DP hasn't taken much out of the business and he won't let me top up the holidays.

So he sets the budget and we go camping in wales! (Actually I also holiday separately because he works all the time on his business and won't take annual leave and I do take mine!)

Witsender · 20/08/2017 09:42

Nope, stick to your budget. If he really wants to do the more expensive one he should pay the excess.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 20/08/2017 09:42

So you haven't shared finances yet and have more of a "flat mates" financial arrangement of paying your share but not a partnership in terms of money?

OK, so rather like if your flat mate was suggesting you went on holiday together, you say you can afford £800, if they are inviting you to go on a more expensive holiday, you can't afford it, sorry, so no.

Your DP is the one who then has to make the decision, do they want to go on holiday with you or someone else? If it's you, then they need to decide either to go on the holiday you can afford (max £800 each) or they pay the difference to go on the holiday they want to go on.

Hold your line, you can only afford £800, but dont mind not going away if they want to go with someone else.

sooperdooper · 20/08/2017 09:43

If he's unwilling to top up the extra set your max budget and stick to it, and explain you don't want to be in debt over a holiday - there's plenty of options within your price range

caffeinestream · 20/08/2017 09:43

Don't owe him money for a holiday! If he wants to go somewhere you can't afford, you need to tell him you'll be staying at home unless he's willing to make up the difference.

£800 for a week out of school holidays is a perfectly good budget and if he wants to spend more, that's up to him.

If you live together, is there a reason you don't share finances?

Boulshired · 20/08/2017 09:44

anything I book with friends and family with separate finances the decision is on the lowest income / reduce use money affordability. I would never put someone I cared in debt for something that I fancied doing.

Porpoises · 20/08/2017 09:45

We pay proportionally to our incomes. It allows us to go nicer places and feels 'fair' to both of us. (He's the higher earner and he's the one who suggested it).

AnnMeredithPerkins · 20/08/2017 09:46

dont go in to debt for a holidy - either he tops up, you go to the cheaper place, or you save up and go later

Goldenbear · 20/08/2017 09:46

I think I'd have to question my relationship with a man who had made the commitment to live with me but because I couldn't afford his expensive holiday idea, ditches my company for the holiday and goes with someone else.

guiltynetter · 20/08/2017 09:48

this is not normal! if you're in a loving relationship you don't 'pay back' for a holiday, that's just odd. you either go on one you can afford or he pays the excess.

Firesuit · 20/08/2017 09:48

You don't go over budget for a holiday. Spent what you can afford, he can decide whether he prefers to subsidise you or go alone. (Both valid choices. Though if that means never going on holiday together, that's something both need to factor in when thinking whether it's the right relationship.)

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