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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you work out holiday cost if you earn less than your partner ?

83 replies

Sunshine250 · 20/08/2017 09:22

We are looking at booking a holiday abroad in October. My budget for a week away is really £800 max which I think is doable. My partner wants to go on a trip which is going to nearly double that each If we do this, it means I'll be paying him back for quite a while afterwards which I could do, but I think it's more sensible just to book the less expensive option How do you work holidays if your partner earns a lot more ?

OP posts:
Piratesandpants · 20/08/2017 09:49

So you're planning a holiday. From the outset you agree a budget that suits you both. Like grown-ups do....

chelseahotel · 20/08/2017 09:50

When we first lived together but didn't have children we ratioed all the bills according to our income. So if he earned twice my income he paid 2:1.
That was at my insistence as DH would happily have paid for everything.

Once we had DC our finances were pooled and it's all family money.

Birdsgottafly · 20/08/2017 09:50

I don't know anyone who makes their Partner do this, they all make up the difference, male and female.

It's something that you should want to do for the person who you care about.

whenyouwish · 20/08/2017 09:52

All from one joint account and even tho he earns 12 times more than me we just book it from joint money.
Before we had kids and a joint account we would just go with where we could both afford budget wise.

Goldenbear · 20/08/2017 09:53

I don't think him going on this more expensive holiday alone is a valid choice at all.

Snausage · 20/08/2017 09:55

I'm in agreement with PPs. The lowest earner should set their max budget; if your DP still wants to go on the expensive holiday, it should be up to him to fork out for the shortfall, not loan you the money. I would've thought the options are:

Buy a holiday within your budget
Go for the expensive holiday and he pays the difference
He goes on a holiday with you and then the expensive holiday with a mate or alone

maxthemartian · 20/08/2017 09:57

How long have you been together? Even when DH was my DP he would have paid the difference without expecting it back, had he been the higher earner.

missmollyhadadolly · 20/08/2017 09:59

I would not pay £800 extra!

Who chose the destination?

How do you split rent/bills/shopping?

Original poster
Sunshine250 · 20/08/2017 09:59

We've been together for 2 and a half years..

OP posts:
maxthemartian · 20/08/2017 10:01

How do you split bills in general? 50/50 or proportional? It sounds like you don't have anywhere near the same disposable income anyway.

Howyoualldoworkme · 20/08/2017 10:01

I do find this 'paying back' a partner/husband thing rather odd. Maybe it is a generational thing. For one of my colleague's 40th birthday present her husband 'let her off' some money he'd lent her Confused

Anyway, back to the holiday. Will the more expensive holiday mean more spending money required as well?

Hulder · 20/08/2017 10:01
  1. Never go into debt for a holiday.
  1. If you are living together you are sharing your finances. This doesn't mean 50:50 - that's a nice bonus for the higher earner. Easiest way is one pot, but if you want to maintain separate finances then you do 70:30 or whatever. Higher earner may have to adjust their idea of a holiday but on the hand they have the loveliness of a partner.
Purplepicnic · 20/08/2017 10:02

How do you split bills/mortgage/expenses at the moment?

Hulder · 20/08/2017 10:04

FWIW DH earns £0 so ours holidays are split 100:0 to me. I have adjusted my expectations of a holiday to something I can afford for two. DH is worth it Smile

That's how I was under the impression living with someone worked.

Biker47 · 20/08/2017 10:06

I earn double what my partner does, last holidays we've been on we've both paid half each, when we both get rid of our debts (mine are larger) I'll be able to contribute more.

WiganPierre · 20/08/2017 10:08

Even when we were first dating, my now husband always paid for me to go on holiday with him. We didn't live together before marriage. Doesn't he think your company is worth spending a bit of money on? He sounds really tight and awful. I can't believe you're living together but he's not willing to pay for your holiday. He knows how good a deal he's got, doesn't he!

43percentburnt · 20/08/2017 10:08

I paid for him. When I met now DH I decided that if I was to be with him and wanted to enjoy things with him our circumstances meant we would have to share money.

MaureenDodd · 20/08/2017 10:09

We've been together 2.5 years, don't live together. Each have 2 DC of school age at home.

I work 16 hours a week and although bills and household stuff are covered with a little extra left over, it's not much and not enough for holiday savings

So OH pays. I will pay for, say, the fuel to get there and buy the 6 of us coffees/ice creams/treats. It isn't expected and he always tries to pay first, but I override him 😀

I find it bizarre that couples can owe each other money when living together - surely finances are shared? Even when you have separate bank accounts?

insancerre · 20/08/2017 10:09

We have a joint account so everything goes in tobtfat and then everything comes out
I don't have to pay back anything
It's joint income and joint expense

Peanutbuttercheese · 20/08/2017 10:12

It is proportional to our incomes and still is after 20 years and we are married but we run our finances very differently to the consensus on MN and I'm very happy with that as is he. We both invest so financial autonomy is required. We have a joint account with £93 in it, it was what was left over from the joint savings account to save for our wedding all those years ago. We have a rather macabre in joke regarding on who is last man/ woman standing and that account.

He sounds tight as hell. He should want to spend time with you. Mean with money mean with love springs to mind.

Phalenopsisgirl · 20/08/2017 10:12

This is crazy, I can't believe you live like this (I have a sheltered life obviously) either you contribute equally and choose something within your budget or you pool funds and use that, paying back over months!? No way! This isn't how 'partnerships' work

MrsOverTheRoad · 20/08/2017 10:12

He's not your partner is he?

Not really.

You live together but he expects you to get into debt for a holiday he wants??

insancerre · 20/08/2017 10:15

If my dh wanted me to pay for my own holiday then he would be going on his own as I don't earn as much as he does
Plus our last holiday was paid for using his bonus

Phalenopsisgirl · 20/08/2017 10:16

And answering how it works for us- dh chooses and organises all holidays, he takes great joy in this. He also pays. If I were to take a trip alone then I would cover that but as he earns 5 times what I do if it's a joint trip he picks up the tab.

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 20/08/2017 10:21

I earn a lot more than my DP (he's growing a business). I pay for our holidays. If I want us to go somewhere then I pay for him - there's no way I would expect him to pay whilst he isn't earning much. It's a partnership.