Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to 'ghost ' friend?

101 replies

Weather152 · 19/08/2017 15:16

Friend ( not a close friend) has been sending me lots of texts including asking to meet up . I'm really busy just now due to a work situation and other things and each time have replied letting her know this She sends me a lot of texts about other stuff too and I have been finding it too much Last time she texted to meet up I explained again why I was busy and I said ' catch up in a couple of weeks' She then sent me a curt reply to that and it's really put me off
She's since texted about other stuff and I've never done this before to anyone, but I just didn't reply
Her persistence in texting including to meet up has put me off and I feel like ' ghosting' which I've never done before ..

OP posts:
FanjoForTheMammaries · 19/08/2017 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ikabod · 19/08/2017 15:36

I had a friend like this many years ago. I need the end I had to tell her that I didn't want to hang out with her anymore. I explained that I didn't want any animosity (we had a lot of mutual friends). But her expectations of me were getting too much, without her giving any thought to or interest in what was happening in my life... She was of course very hurt and it was such a hard conversation to have, but ghosting is so much more hurtful and the other person is left wondering what they did wrong.

Pengggwn · 19/08/2017 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

caffeinestream · 19/08/2017 15:54

Please don't. Being ghosted is horrible - just tell her you'll ring her in a couple of weeks when your free but not to be offended if you don't get in touch in the meantime.

Is she going through a bad patch and feeling a bit clingy perhaps?

feathermucker · 19/08/2017 15:55

You should have the courtesy to tell her if you don't want to be friends.

katiegg · 19/08/2017 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChasedByBees · 19/08/2017 16:02

I think it's rude and hurtful too.

teaandtoast · 19/08/2017 16:06

I think the friend is rude. Op has told her repeatedly that she's busy and the friend just doesn't listen.

Northernpowerhouse · 19/08/2017 16:08

YANBU you have said she is not a close friend. If an acquaintance did this to me, I would realise after a couple of messages that they wanted to cool things down if not end them completely. I might be disappointed but I wouldn't be shirty with them.

Different matter if it were a close friend.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/08/2017 16:08

What's ghosting? She sounds like she needs a friend right now? Just give her a date that you can meet up, or tell her you are so busy that sorry you haven't got much time to see friends lately.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/08/2017 16:08

After that if she is really annoying you, just delete and block her.

honeyroar · 19/08/2017 16:09

To me it only sounds like she's being a friend. You, on the other hand, sound a bit mean. You don't sound like a friend, or that you even like her!

If you do want to be friends tell her what caffeine stream said, in fact say that even if you don't.

Davros · 19/08/2017 16:11

Some people won't let you say no politely, you've tried. I would ghost her if nothing you do to put her off works. She is being rude imo

maxthemartian · 19/08/2017 16:14

I'd probably ghost her. I dislike people making demands on my time, and awkward conversations.
Hopefully she'll work out that she needs to dial down the neediness in future.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 19/08/2017 16:18

Friendships drift. I never see the point of going out looking for the antagonism that would result from specifically ending a friendship. What do you say without coming across as a complete C? The truth presumably "Sorry, but I just cant be bothered with you any more" or perhaps "You're just sooooooooooooo draining" ... just let it slide.

VisitorFromAlphaStation · 19/08/2017 16:24

People ghost each other all the time. You could of course write you don't have any time available to see her and are very sorry that you can't make time for yet another friend but that you're agenda is too full as it is, and hope she can meet up with some other friend for the time being. I'm sure it'll work, but you will probably not get a reply.

CruCru · 19/08/2017 16:25

I want to be kind to you. It sounds as though this friend wants more from you than you want to / can give. Instead of ghosting her, why not only meet up with her in a group for a while? Then you won't have cut her out but are also not having to give the one on one focus.

I don't think you're being horrible. If this person is repeatedly sending you lengthy texts about all sorts of things then it may just be too much. In the same way that you don't want to get too intense with someone you've just started dating, you also don't suddenly want to get intense with a new or more casual friend.

susiesuesue · 19/08/2017 16:27

Please don't attempt to ghost her. She is clearly on a different page to you but is also not a mind reader. caffeine's way of dealing with it is perfect. Be simple, clear and honest that at the moment you are just too busy and that you will get in touch when you have more time. If she ignores this message, then you have every right to start ignoring her texts but give her a chance to back off first.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/08/2017 16:28

Just explain to her, clearly, that you're REALLY busy at the moment and just don't have time for social interaction but you WILL get back to her when the busy period slows down and catch up then.

Or you could do it your way and leave her hurt and bewildered.

Tissunnyupnorth · 19/08/2017 16:31

What is ghosting?

MycatsaPirate · 19/08/2017 16:33

You had time to make this post but not the time to text her back?

Orangecake123 · 19/08/2017 16:39

Just tell her the truth- things are very hectic at the moment. I've been ghosted it hurts.

JemandScout · 19/08/2017 16:42

Ghosting is where you drop someone by not replying to messages and being non committal until they get the hint. TBH OP, if it's not working for you then keep on with the ghosting. Yes you could be direct, but despite what MN would have you believe, most won't do that. It's awkward and as rude as ghosting unless you make up some tosh about 'it's not you, but me' type excuse. The truth is, you don't want to be friends with her. There's no polite way of saying that and most people should be able to pick up on the nuances of others feelings by how responsive they are. We have all been ghosted to some extent at some point. Yes it's hurtful, but we all get over it. Friendships can't be forced.

Original poster
Weather152 · 19/08/2017 16:43

I'm seeing from the replies that a lot of folk think ghosting would be hurtful, and other folk agree with what I was thinking.
Sorry I should have mentioned that in the replies to her when I said that I was busy, each time I have also said
' I will call / text you when things have calmed down a bit' but she has still persisted - that's one of the reasons I was thinking of ghosting

OP posts:
RallyRoundTheFlagBoys · 19/08/2017 16:46

Don't ghost her. Please. It might be an easy option for you, but it's incredibly painful when you are on the receiving end of it. If you are her friend in any meaningful sense of the word you will spare her that and just tell her the truth.