to 'ghost ' friend?

[Weather152]

Friend ( not a close friend) has been sending me lots of texts including asking to meet up . I'm really busy just now due to a work situation and other things and each time have replied letting her know this She sends me a lot of texts about other stuff too and I have been finding it too much Last time she texted to meet up I explained again why I was busy and I said ' catch up in a couple of weeks' She then sent me a curt reply to that and it's really put me off
She's since texted about other stuff and I've never done this before to anyone, but I just didn't reply
Her persistence in texting including to meet up has put me off and I feel like ' ghosting' which I've never done before ..

[sonjadog]

Does it really matter if it is "rude"? Sometimes being rude is necessary.

[acapellagirl]

Yes I agree Sonja

[Sally52014]

You sound like a delightful person

[elevenclips]

People saying ghosting is hurtful - well yes it is but some people can't be shaken off any other way because they refuse to listen to what has been said/written to them. This women is harassing the OP. Repeatedly ignoring what OP says and still pushing and pushing. Quite reasonable to ghost someone in these circs.

[ISpeakJive]

Personally, I think ghosting would only be ok to do if the person in question has been told how you feel about them already and just carries on.

Continuously ignoring a person just makes you a rude person!

[Nikephorus]

I'd send a text when she gets in touch again, repeating that you're very busy and that you will be in touch with her when you've got more time but you're sorry that right now you don't have time for lots of texts or to meet up. And add that you hope she understands & you'll be in touch in a couple of weeks or a month (or whatever you think is reasonable and that you'll be able to stick to). If she reacts badly then you're perfectly at liberty to walk away because a decent friend would understand that life gets manic at times. You're explained in the past that you're busy and she's not accepting that so it's not like you're suddenly cutting all contact without explanation.
Friendships don't have to last forever. It's perfectly acceptable to walk away from ones that aren't working just as you would a relationship or a job, or as you'd move house if your circumstances changed.

[Booboobooboo84]

I would honestly reply with I've asked for some space, you haven't given me space so I'm afraid we can't be friends anymore. And then block. I think your well within your rights to do that

[RallyRoundTheFlagBoys]

I think people are misunderstanding real ghosting. When it happens someone cuts you dead completely without telling you why with no chance to understand, apologise for or rectify anything you might have done. That's why it's so painful, there are no warnings and no opportunity to understand or to grow. Just silence, with all the cards in the hand of the ghoster. It's very cruel.

[Booboobooboo84]

Yeah it is, but sometimes the ghosted person has actually been told clearly they've just chosen not to see it rally. We can all see the OP has told her friend clearly but when the OP cuts her off completely she will feel ghosted. Two sides of the same coin

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Friendships drift. I never see the point of going out looking for the antagonism that would result from specifically ending a friendship. What do you say without coming across as a complete C? The truth presumably "Sorry, but I just cant be bothered with you any more" or perhaps "You're just sooooooooooooo draining" ... just let it slide

I agree. There's a difference between a friendship sliding and ghosting.

[meltingmarshmallows]

I honestly don't get why people think it's so bad to drift away. Surely that's better than having a confrontation or being blunt and upsetting her?

She should be taking the hint / listening to you. If she can't I wouldn't blame you for just having less to do with her.

[pinkblink]

You sound like a bitch tbh, i wouldn't give up contacting one of my friends because they where busy, I'm pretty sure most normal people wouldn't

[GherkinSnatch]

pinkblink would you not give them space if thats what they're clearly asking for?

[meltingmarshmallows]

@pinkblink Rude & unnecessary.

Read the OP, "not a close friend". This person is overstepping boundaries and showing a lack of social skills by not recognising the OP isn't mutually as keen -or able, time wise- to talk / meet all the time.

I'm sure most "normal" people would find this difficult.

[RallyRoundTheFlagBoys]

Booobooo, that's the point I'm making..If someone tells/warns you it's not really ghosting imo...It's a friendship ending because someone didn't listen. Real ghosting gets no warnings and no explanation. It just happens and you are powerless and never know why.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

We all know people who are a bit full on, glued to their phones and texting every 5 minutes. They're almost intrusive in their insistence for a reply. I know a couple, nice people but just too full on and a bit draining. I just reply to about one in every 5 or 6 texts and usually explain I've been busy/ rarely look at my phone or whatever. I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings but equally I'm not going to be that involved with them.

[Anxietyreallyblows]

In your case op I would send her a final message explaining that you obviously can't be here for her the way she needs who could with that clinginess and you are taking a step back to focus on family but you wish her all the best for the future. Then if she keeps at it then I would block. But at least she will always have that final message if ever she, like a poster way above, starts to have an epiphany.

I have been ghosted before in the way RallyRoundTheFlagBoys describes. I didn't deserve it as my friend later admitted, and it hurt and upset me so much. It really fuelled my anxiety to have nothing, no reason. When the friend tried to reestablish three years later I ghosted her in the form of polite hello but nothing more and swerving all invites. She was no only a coward but our friendship meant nothing to her so why should it to me?

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

You really don't need to do a 'final message.' If they're so unenlightened as to not realise they're over stepping the mark they're not going to suddenly realise! They're much more likely to get defensive and/or hurt.

[gandalf456]

Exactly. I would rather be ignored tbh

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

A final text such as people are suggesting is likely to be shown to anyone who will look imo! This isn't reality telly, you don't have to announce what you're doing every 5 mins.

[Sashkin]

I'd have ghosted without a second thought. You've told her you're too busy to see her, and she is completely ignoring you and carrying on trying to persuade you to meet up with her regardless. What's the point of keep repeating yourself if she's not listening?

[Happydoingitjusttheonce]

I've let a 40+ year friendship slide. I decided I'm too old to put myself in situations I don't enjoy. This friend was very rude to another good friend to the point I can't respect her anymore. I just make excuse after excuse and then maybe once every 8m meet up but only for a coffee with a clock ticking. I don't want to confront it with her so feel this is the best outcome for me

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I watched the film The Gift today, if any of you are considering doing a whole big text/ speech I suggest you DON'T before watching this film

[sonjadog]

The thing about the big text/speech is that once it is done, it´s out there forever. That means you can´t control how it is used and what storyline is given to those who see it, but it also means that you can´t pick up the friendship again. You may think that is fine right there and then, but people change and after you´ve had a break for a while, you might want to be friends again. That´s why the fade out is better than the big gestures. When I was younger (I´m in my 40s now), I was very into big gestures/ getting it out in the open. As I have grown older, I´ve realized that space and time are a much better solution to most things.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

sonjadog cannot agree more!