to 'ghost ' friend?

[Weather152]

Friend ( not a close friend) has been sending me lots of texts including asking to meet up . I'm really busy just now due to a work situation and other things and each time have replied letting her know this She sends me a lot of texts about other stuff too and I have been finding it too much Last time she texted to meet up I explained again why I was busy and I said ' catch up in a couple of weeks' She then sent me a curt reply to that and it's really put me off
She's since texted about other stuff and I've never done this before to anyone, but I just didn't reply
Her persistence in texting including to meet up has put me off and I feel like ' ghosting' which I've never done before ..

[0ccamsRazor]

It is always best to act with truth and integrity, she deserves to be treated with respect.

[GherkinSnatch]

Personally, I'd just carry on as you are. You've told her several times to leave you alone because you're busy and she's taken that on board at all. Surely most people would take the hint and not want to continue bothering someone like that when they've said they're busy?

[MyPatronusIsAUnicorn]

I'm surprised some people actually have friends. Yes, how dare someone who is supposed to be a friend actually want to meet up and spend time with you. The inconsiderate fuckwit!! Tell them to piss right off now and wait until you deem it ok to be in touch.

That's not just at you OP btw.

[AlternativeTentacle]

Are you really too busy for one cup of coffee?

[JemandScout]

When you say a 'friend', how much of a friend is she? What is it that makes you not want to meet?

[5rivers7hills]

I dont think hunk you are actually friends. Friends generally managed to find time to speak to each other in a day or two not "in a few weeks".

You sound a great mean towards her really!

Like, how dare your friend want to talk to you. God, the cheap of some people. Being all friendly like.

[Weather152]

To be honest, my experience is that if I do meet up with her , I'll get constant texts and phone calls again
I find the phoning more intrusive than texts, especially due to their frequency

[Aeroflotgirl]

It sounds like you don't want tone her friend, fair enough. Just tell her your very busy at the moment and not able to meet up. If she keeps on, just delete her.

[Booboobooboo84]

I've been friend ghosted and it's hard but I deserved it. I was being way too needy on a friend, I was very lonely and actually being selfish and not considering what the other was going through and the demands on their lives.

If the friendship is over then tell her. If not then a simple response if I won't be able to answer for two week sucks due to work then putting the setting to do not disturb is fine. You could also ask her for some space. Explain if she doesn't give you the space then the pressure she putting on you will end the friendship

[Booboobooboo84]

The other thing is while your re establishing the boundaries of your friendship which is what your kind of doing don't reply or respond to anything. Then every Sunday morning as an example message and ask how they are. Don't reference any of the missed texts or calls. You'd asked for them not to be sent so they don't exist

[JemandScout]

OK, but do you enjoy her company? Is it just the frequent calls that's bugging you? If so, just tell her you are not a phone person and rubbish with texts so not to take offence if you don't respond. I

[user1497435493]

Ghosting is the coward's way out. But sometimes you just gotta do it.

I bet every single naysayer on here has done it - and had it done to them. I have done it to several people before - and had it done to me. Shit happens, and sometimes when you can't shake people off, it's the only answer.

I have had to do it this year, to a woman who has been driving me fucking nuts for about a year. Clingy, whiny, always complaining about her job, making sarcy comments about my 'small' house, which is apparently inferior to her 5 bed detached with 3 en suites that she and her partner have (with a £300K mortgage,) and snide comments about our car being 'old.' (2009!)

The straw that broke the camel's back was when she asked me to take her somewhere (because she could drive due to a sprained ankle,) and I said I couldn't because I had an appointment. She said 'any excuse!' Like I was fucking lying.

Then a week later, I saw her in the street when I was chatting to a couple of mutual friends, and she virtually blanked me and started going on about a wedding they were all invited to (I wasn't, as I didn't know the person in question - she went to a hobby group they went to,) and I thought it was rude to chat about it in front of me.

Plus, she never responded to any of my texts, unless I was saying what she wants to hear ( yeah, of COURSE you and Steve can come round in 10 minutes and keep me and DH chatting all evening with your inane fucking drivel, and then shove your laptop into my DH's lap for him to fix for fucking free. I mean we have sod all else to do except sit here waiting for you to call and visit us. )

And it's not me with the problem, as I don't feel like this about anyone else.

So yeah, I ghosted her. Stopped answering texts, swerved off in a different direction when I saw her, and never answered the door on the 3 occasions in 4 weeks that she knocked (according to someone else, to find out why I hadn't texted her back.)

So it's OK for her to ignore my texts, but she has a meltdown and drags other people into it because I don't answer hers.

She can fuck off.

#sorrynotsorry

[thebear1]

Is she actually a friend or someone you don't know that well who wants to be? If you have been good friends in the past then I think ghosting is pretty mean.

[KermitsLoveChild]

Like user I have had to do it when straight talking just didn't work, and I did it with support and advice from this forum.

I had a friend at school who kept in touch when we left but the older we grew the more it became clear she was stuck in about 1991. Over time she became more clingy and after one horrendous phone call we did lose touch.

2 years ago she found me on Facebook and as it had been 8 years since wed spoken I agreed to send her my mobile number. What a mistake that turned out to be. I spoke to her twice in a that first couple of weeks and then it became hell. She phoned 12 times a day and sent texts. I told her to back off so she said she'd only contact me on. Friday...but kept ringing everyday. She texted over and over asking for my landline. She contacted a friend of mine from school saying she'd found her number in an old address book and asked her for my landline number. This went on and on until I eventually blocked her. Then I had to block her from FB too. If I unblocked her on my phone it would ring within 24 hours even a year after blocking her.

Eventually I texted her saying basically 'new phone who dis' although more eloquently. She replied saying she was looking for me and gave my full name, DOB, town where I live and my Mums name . I replied apologising saying I hadn't a clue who she was on about.

The texts and calls stopped but Facebook ramped up. She's blocked everywhere now. Last week I received a message from her nephews FB account!!!! It's been 2 years now since we last spoke.

Some people won't be told to bugger off.

[user1497435493]

@thebear1


Is she actually a friend or someone you don't know that well who wants to be? If you have been good friends in the past then I think ghosting is pretty mean.

Me personally, this woman was not an actual life-long, long-term friend; more someone who forced/pushed herself into my life. I thought she (and her DH) were OK-ish at first, but they started to piss me off fairly quickly - and my DH too. Self absorbed, bitter, and jealous she was. Jealous of me, and jealous of several other people too. She made snide remarks about her DH's sister, and her brother's wife; their house, their car, their career.

She also ruined New years eve at the pub last year with her wall to wall whinging about her job.

Every time me and DH tried to change the subject, she changed it back. 3 hours we heard her rambling on about her job. But when WE tried to chat about anything, her eyes wandered behind us, and after 20 seconds, she talked over us with something about HER again.

Best shot of her I am.

I have half a dozen good friends; 2 I have had for 20+ years. As I said, I don't feel like this about anyone else, so I know it's her, not me. Plus, DH couldn't stand her.

@Kermitslovechild

What a dreadful story! I have a similar one actually. Like you, it was a girl I knew at school (mid 80's.) We were in the same class and that is all we had in common. When we left, she took my landline number (and a few other peoples too,) and rang me and we met for a coffee once or twice. But we had nothing in common and I didn't care to see her anymore.

But like you, she kept trying to trace me via the phonebook, old schoolmates and old neighbours, the internet, etc. She even saw me in the local paper as I was in a feature, (won't say what for!) and the bloody paper put the road I live in, in the article!!! So she traced me really quickly.

This was some 15 years ago. I dodged her when I could for 3 years and then left the home town I lived in. On FB and twitter even now I actually don't have my real surname, as I don't want her badgering me. (Also cuts down chances of stalking from others too!)

Some people just cannot take the hint! As I said I have been ghosted in the past - not sure why, maybe I was too full-on at the time, a bit moany, or they may have just thought we had little or nothing in common. But nevertheless, I took the hint pretty sharpish. I have no idea why people don't take the hint a lot quicker.

Then again, as I said about the woman I have recently ghosted, it could be that these people are so self absorbed and selfish that they can't actually see - or believe - that they are an annoying, self-absorbed twat, and that it could be possible that they are not liked by people.

[pigeondujour]

I hate demanding friends. I ghosted someone who was extremely needy (although batshit in other, much worse ways too.) Friendships, like relationships, shouldn't be about how much you can tolerate.

[Weather152]

What I can't understand is the persistence ....as in if one of my friends couldn't meet for any reason, I wouldn't keep pushing and ringing them til they could

[sonjadog]

Kermit, when she contacts you, what does she say? Does she just pretend that she wants a chat? She is far beyond clingy and well into stalker territory.

[TheLegendOfBeans]

Just tell her. Tell her!

Knowing that someone is being "off" with you results in two outcomes:

1. You persist and try and get the reason out of the person who's being off
   
2. You step away and cease worrying about what's got the goat of the other person.
   

My former BFF has been a bellend to me for the past 18months....I've tried everything to retain the life in the relationship as I know something's up. But she's becoming unavailable and borderline unpleasant so I've decided to withdraw for my own sanity even though I don't know what I've done.

Don't be a cow, OP. Grow some balls and hit her with the truth. Either way you'll hurt her feelings badly but at least you won't be stringing her along.

[sonjadog]

I forgot to answer the OP. I think if you have said to her that you are busy and will contact her in a few weeks time, then you do that. Just ignore every communication from that point until you are ready to contact her again.

[Armadillostoes]

Please don't ghost her. It is hurtful and not okay. It's really difficult I know, but be kind. If you can't be friends at least be honest, ghosting is cruel and cowardly.

[KermitsLoveChild]

Sonjadog the last message I received was 'Hello. Hope you and the family are well. I am just home from Lanzarote where I was on holiday with the family. Really hope I hear from you soon'

I wish I knew why she doesn't give up.

[sonjadog]

I guess she is lonely. That message doesn´t really require an answer though, so don´t unless you want to.

I have a an overly texting friend. I´m not going to get rid of her because she has many great qualities and I like seeing her, but the texting drives me insane. So I now only answer when it suits me. Sometimes I feel a bit mean, but it was suffocating before.

[KermitsLoveChild]

Fanjo believe me I have been honest and more than once. I have told her to stop contacting me, I have told her the level of contact is too much but she doesn't listen, she just carries on.

Two YEARS since our last short conversation and she's still trying to get me to respond. I do ponder sending a last message telling her why I haven't replied. Again.