to 'ghost ' friend?

[Weather152]

Friend ( not a close friend) has been sending me lots of texts including asking to meet up . I'm really busy just now due to a work situation and other things and each time have replied letting her know this She sends me a lot of texts about other stuff too and I have been finding it too much Last time she texted to meet up I explained again why I was busy and I said ' catch up in a couple of weeks' She then sent me a curt reply to that and it's really put me off
She's since texted about other stuff and I've never done this before to anyone, but I just didn't reply
Her persistence in texting including to meet up has put me off and I feel like ' ghosting' which I've never done before ..

[Mittens1969]

Yes in that scenario I think I would probably ghost them. I really don't get why anyone would keep texting in that scenario, you'd have thought it was pretty obvious that you weren't interested in any kind of friendship with them.

[acapellagirl]

I agree it's the friend that's rude not the OP!!

[milliemoon]

I've posted this previously but my 'best' friend recently cut me out and it's been one of the most painful things I've ever dealt with. I'll never know why and it nearly broke me. Please respect your friend enough not to do that to her

[Gwilt160981]

I've tried to keep arrange coffees with one friend in the past and she's one of these people who seems to drop friends a lot ( a user.. When her mates are busy she picks up old friends) Recently she mentioned about going to a concert together. I didnt bother replying. I haven't got time for so called friends who use people. Dont blame the your mate being off, probably sick of the excuses. You probably got a good mate there but not for much longer.

[Puffinrose]

Tissunnyupnorth
I think it's basically just ignoring her

[ChristmasFluff]

It really depends on the back-story. I had a mainly on-line friend I'd met through blogging who was fun and entertaining but she only ever contacted me when she wanted something - tarot readings, physiotherapy etc. I didn't mind really, she was fun to be around when we met up which I felt made up for that. Then at the start of the year I was very ill, and she contacted me but I didn't reply for a few days as I wasn't checking phone etc - it was that serious an illness. Then when I did respond to say I was ill and really couldn't talk, she responded by texting every couple of days - and I very much felt it was purely to find out when I would be well enough to do whatever she was wanting. I texted to say please let me have some time to recover, and she sent a text about how I had misjudged her, how she was only texting out of worrying for me etc - and that was the final straw. I ghosted her - blocked her everywhere. I felt like my space was invaded and I couldn't stand it any longer. When someone won't respect your boundaries, then you have to respect them yourself. Ghost if you want to - you've given her enough warning. It's not true ghosting if you have already asked someone not to contact you.

[khajiit13]

Do you even want to be her friend?
I know someone who struggles to find time for her friends. I try to explain to her she will never "find" time. You have to make time for your friends. She might really need you

[Pantryboy]

Ghost away imho she won't stop.
I had a friend like this everything was about her
in the end she didn't tell me about a mutual friends father dying because 'it wasn't her place to divulge a secret'
I read about it in the paper and that was the final straw, best thing I ever did. Don't look back OP

[LadyMaryCrawley1922]

I really wish people would stop using this stupid new term "ghosting" as if it actually meant something. If you don't want to talk to this person, or meet up, then don't. It really is that simple.

[NotTheCoolMum]

Do you like her OP?

If you don't then why be "friends" with her. It's cruel

[user1497435493]

I really wish people would stop using this stupid new term "ghosting" as if it actually meant something.

What an odd post!


'Ghosting' DOES mean something!

Just google it!

Ghosting

the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

[LadyMaryCrawley1922]

Someone invented it like 5 minutes ago. Stupid bloody buzzwords. See also shaming, woke and extra.

[user1497435493]

As I said, I do agree that it's unpleasant and cruel to do it, but sometimes you have no choice.

It's not something people do lightly, they don't enjoy doing it, and as I said, sometimes it is the only thing you can do to shake off a clingy, possessive, friend or acquaintance (who you have had enough of, because of the way they have become,) who won't leave you alone and won't take the hint.

What are the meant to do? Say 'fuck off you annoying cunt I don't wanna see you anymore!' ?

It's all very well saying 'TELL HER you don't wanna be friends anymore!' But it's not that easy, and frankly, just phasing people out and ceasing contact is easier.

And as I said, I reckon the naysayers have done it to people before. In fact, I reckon everyone has!!

[Mountainviewloo]

Extra has been around for years, we were saying it when I was at school in the early noughties

[user1497435493]

So what if the term 'ghosting' has not been around long (and it's several years, not 5 minutes!) but it's still a genuine term.

And everything starts somewhere doesn't it?!

[Coldkebab]

Sorry whats ghosting please

[user1497435493]

GHOSTING

the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

[Coldkebab]

Sorry guys just read the posts. I did this once when i was a lot younger to a boyfriend. Not my proudest moment

[Coldkebab]

Sorry guys just read the posts. I did this once when i was a lot younger to a boyfriend. Not my proudest moment

[gandalf456]

Well, I do think this is harassment so you would be justified in withdrawing when you have as good as explained you need space and why.

I would not worry about her feelings as I don't think she is about yours.

[GherkinSnatch]

I don't think anyone cuts contact with a former friend lightly. I've had to do it three times. First to an ex boyfriend who kept trying to contact me after we had (messily) broken up. Second to a former work colleague who just would not give me peace. If I didn't reply to messages in a time scale that suited her I got more messages and it got to the point where seeing a message come in from her stressed me out. Any time we met had to be on her terms, even though she could drive and I would have to get trains and buses with a newborn in all weathers. I was suffering from PND and she then used this against me and I just couldn't do it anymore. A couple of years later she messaged me and I replied hoping things could be ok, and she started with the exact same behaviour.
The last time was a similar woman, but one I had met at toddler group. Again, any meet ups had to be done on her terms with me having to do all the walking, she'd bug me to buy her pyramid scheme makeup, if I said something didn't suit me she'd ramp up the messages until I gave in. It was stressful and any hint of enjoyment I got from seeing her for play dates with the dc was totally negated by the arseache of dealing with her the rest of the time. She genuinely could not see that anyone else might have anything else going on in their lives that might have taken precedence over her idea of what friendship involved.

So not ideal, no, but people who complain about being ghosted really need to look at their own behaviour to see the upset they're causing others that leads them to do it.

[silkpyjamasallday]

Well it might not be a nice thing to do, but sometimes it is the only way. I 'ghosted' all the girls I was 'friends' with in sixth form, they were horrible to me for years but would be nice enough occasionally that I didn't know where I stood, it caused me a great deal of anxiety not knowing if I was in or out of the friendship group. So I took things into my own hands, at the end of school I deleted Facebook and any other social media they could contact me on, and never replied to the few messages I got. Five years later and I have had a few of them get back in contact, but I haven't replied back or even read their messages. They weren't nice people and I didn't want them in my life so I am keeping it that way, I don't really care if it's rude at this stage. Plus in my case I know they are only getting in contact so they can gossip about the fact I've had a baby (which is very unusual among my early 20s privately educated peers) I don't want to be a subject of gossip. It's one of the most liberating things I have ever done for myself.

In your situation though I think you might have to be blunt and tell your friend that you have explained that you are really busy and her constant messaging isn't going to mean you a free to meet up anytime soon. If you don't value the friendship and it won't cause problems in a wider social circle ghosting her you might as well ghost as it's low effort. I am pretty ruthless at cutting people out though, which I know some people find strange and rude but it has made my life much less stressful so I don't much care.

[acapellagirl]

silkypajamas - sounds like you made a good call getting rid of them...

[acapellagirl]

And I'm totally with Silky - ghosting isn't rude imo as imo rudeness involves intrusiveness which ghosting isn't.