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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have refused to remove our coats from free chair in the pub

257 replies

user1498921160 · 19/08/2017 15:14

We were out earlier in a local pub for lunch. There was five of us sitting around a table, with our jackets, cardigans, elderly person's walking stick etc on the sixth chair.

A family of four came in and went to a table for four behind us. The daughter, aged about six, put her stuffed toy on one of the chairs and then kicked off that there was no seat for her.

Mother then came over to our table and asked us to move our stuff off the spare seat so her daughter could have it. We pointed out that there was a spare seat at their table and she said 'oh the giraffe is using that chair'. We replied that our coats etc were using our spare chair and she went off in a huff.

WWBU. Obviously, if the seat had genuinely been needed we would have moved all our stuff.

OP posts:
FanjoForTheMammaries · 19/08/2017 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jg1 · 19/08/2017 21:09

Maybe I'm talking out of line but I see this on so many AIBU? threads where totally unreasonable behaviour is challenged from a snack point of view.
It's just unreasonable. Full stop. Entitled people think they are entitled enough without every entitled situation having to 2nd guessed for an.
I have encountered too many entitled tests and not 1 of the instances I'm thinking of involved sn.

Jg1 · 19/08/2017 21:10

Sn not snack FFS!

FanjoForTheMammaries · 19/08/2017 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PerpendicularVincent · 19/08/2017 21:12

I think there are a reasonable proportion of parents of children with SN on here - i am one myself - leading to SN being assumed when it wouldn't necessarily be if you were talking about the situation at home with your friends or family.

I see your point Jg, but you may get jumped on. So many threads get derailed with arguments over things like this, which is a shame really.

MsGameandWatching · 19/08/2017 21:14

Sorry, sorry, sorry for this but does every thread regarding entitled parents/children have to go down the autism road?

You're so so so sorry that you said it three times but still couldn't stop yourself from saying it? So not sorry at all then.

Autism is part of every day life not a little detour down the "autism road" so yes it can come up on every single thread if a poster relates their experience to it. You seem to find it an irritant, which makes you a bit of an arsehole.

MadMags · 19/08/2017 21:15

Here we go again!

PerpendicularVincent · 19/08/2017 21:16

Exactly Mags, every time

SkintAsASkintThing · 19/08/2017 21:17

I'm fully aware of that Fanjo.......I have a child who is capable of such violence 6 to 1 care was suggested so he could access a respite facility (( the number of people it would take to restrain him safely )) his last meltdown was in February. He is in no way, shape or form high functioning. But we adpat and we change our way of doing things as needed.

I also have a child in the family who for reasons known only to her cannot cope with half full cups. (( she's non verbal )) she will try and force people to finish their drinks, only in public. She's fine at home.

We havent been able to take her out for a meal for years without booking entire rooms for a family gathering. And THEN we bring cups with lids ala mc donalds and get permission to pour our drinks into those as she's fine with covered drinks. We adapt, she lives a life and doesnt impact on others. We hire a room in a local pub for family birthdays etc so she gets the same experiences as anyone else, every once in a while we might pop into an empty cafe we're passing to see how she copes as she's always adapting and we wantbto make life more accessible for her. That's our job !!.

I wouldn't be so rude to suggest you don't teach granny to suck eggs but........

And no, I still wouldnt give up my seat to the theoretical Autistic kid with the giraffe. 😬

MsGameandWatching · 19/08/2017 21:18

Yes here we go again. If only a poster hadn't kicked it all off by whining about "autism roads" and how people shouldn't be allowed to ruin threads with it, which is essentially what you're saying if you huff and puff about people mentioning autism in relation to the discussion.

TenForward82 · 19/08/2017 21:22

Right load of nutters on this thread. Please keep your PFBs away from my DD, k thx.

TenForward82 · 19/08/2017 21:25

To add, I would have moved the coats for a polite request from the parent of an autistic child who politely explained their child has SN. But in the absence of an explanation of SN, I'm inclined to believe they're entitled AF.

Jg1 · 19/08/2017 21:25

Ok. I have life experiences that could relate to a lot of threads but I just don't assume that that is the case when, to me, it quite clearly isn't.

MsGameandWatching · 19/08/2017 21:27

But they think it does or they wouldn't have mentioned it would they. Who are you to police that?

I kind of think if people were allowed to mention autism or additional needs without whiny foot stamping about how it's spoiling the thread, then the discussion would continue to progress and evolve naturally. It's not the mention of autism that's the problem but the people who complain about the mention of autism. It's a fact of life and no one should be shut down when the mention on the basis that they're being big spoil sports.

Jg1 · 19/08/2017 21:29

I'm not stamping my feet and I'm not calling anybody a spoil sport. Yes, mention any sn but is it always the answer to any entitled behaviour?

Jg1 · 19/08/2017 21:30

Some people are just entitled. Fact.

MipMipMip · 19/08/2017 21:35

With regard to coats on the back of chairs (a PP's suggestion) it is bloody annoying if you have a long coat. If you move your chair the coat ends up under a leg and you'll often find people step on it. I try to avoid doing that whenever I can. Definitely an option of last resort.

MsGameandWatching · 19/08/2017 21:37

You just don't want to have to think about those uncomfortable additional needs that might get in the way of a good whole sale slagging off. When you're whining "here we go again" and can we not go down the autism road again do you ever stop to think why a poster might mention it? I can tell you actually, I have a child with autism and as I read the OP, in my minds eye I could see just this situation arising. She has a stuffed octopus - totally outing myself now - that goes absolutely everywhere with us. She might have done what the OP describes. I would have handled it by giving my chair up and remaining standing till another became available. Rather than than subjecting the entire pub to the WW3 that would ensue. So when I read this thread that's exactly what I thought about. I didn't mention it because it is a long story and I couldn't be bothered but now here we are speeding along the "autism road" so you get to hear my tale Smile

But anyway, let's leave it there shall we as the poster after you is moving the discussion on as will always happen even without these tedious little in thread bust ups.

blackteasplease · 19/08/2017 21:39

Aw I think I would have let them have the chair. I would have found the giraffe thing quite sweet.

Ywnbu as such though.

The walking stick is the only reason I might not have given them the seat, for instance if there was nowhere else it could conveniently go. I wouldn't personally have given my coats a seat over the giraffe though.

MadMags · 19/08/2017 21:41

When you're whining "here we go again" and can we not go down the autism road again do you ever stop to think why a poster might mention it?

Excuse me but don't lump me in with comments about "going down the autistic road". I said "here we go again" because it seems to me that SN can't be mentioned without the thread turning into a bun fight, not because someone mentioned it.

MsGameandWatching · 19/08/2017 21:46

Perhaps you should have qualified that then Mad because you seemed to be lumping yourself in with that comment. Apologies if I was wrong.

JimLahey · 19/08/2017 21:47

Was wondering why there were 10 pages on what seemed like a simple thread only to see a debate on autism? I guess I'll rtft now but wow...how quickly did that escalate? Confused

Tapandgo · 19/08/2017 21:49

This is one seriously weird thread

MadMags · 19/08/2017 22:16

Yes, you were wrong. Apology accepted!

Coldkebab · 19/08/2017 22:18

Sounds like a spoilt brat to me. I wouldnt like being interupted eating my food its rude. And i certainly wouldnt stop eating to clear a chair unless it was for a person who needed it.