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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with this topless lady?

581 replies

user3785022135267845922 · 18/08/2017 13:09

... we r on holiday in a family resort in sunny country. There is a lady who keeps ending up on the sun loungers opposite us, who seems to enjoy lying topless by the pool everyday. She has a DS who looks about 15, and a DD who looks about 5.

I think it's really inappropriate to sunbathe topless on a family resort in full view of everyone and right by the toddler pool, and with her own DS around. Am I being unreasonable in feeling uncomfortable and wishing she'd cover up?? Smile

OP posts:
Dashper · 19/08/2017 15:05

Butt it sounded like said DS was borderline on the age to change by himself "But you never know with the men in there" (yes, really).

MerryMarigold · 19/08/2017 15:08

Breastfeeding is totally different. If a woman took her top and bra off in pizza express to bf her baby, I would be very Hmm. I don't understand why it's bout possible for a part of the body to be sexual and practical. Men wee out of their penises. They sometimes take a wee against a tree (you can't see much), but if they decided to sunbathe naked and it was a family resort rather than a nudist one, people would be a bit shocked even though a flaccid penis is far less sexual in my opinion than a pair of boobs. But each to their own.

Jedimum1 · 19/08/2017 15:11

mum2benicole, whilst I understand what you say, OP is in a different country with different customs and perceptions about topless sunbathing. The woman in question might be local or might have been living in the country for years and does not even think of it as problematic. I see more problematic to suggest that people should cover up in a country that sees it as normal (not you, OP, I'm not suggesting you did), as it is a bit like suggesting that instead of being cultural differences, the local custom is in the wrong.

GladAllOver · 19/08/2017 15:12

So it's ok for children to see unclothed adults??

Certainly! Why ever not?

(Unless of course you want to teach them some prudish notion that the human body is dirty and disgusting)

JacquesHammer · 19/08/2017 15:13

I'm understanding that everyone has there own views but come on when there's young kids???? Why would that be ok for them to see

Yes. They're just breasts.

RallyRoundTheFlagBoys · 19/08/2017 15:27

Ok.. I'm going to ask..if breasts aren't sexual, as we are being told, why would it be SEXUAL assault if some random man groped them while you were on the bus..or walking down the road..or lying round the pool even?

Witsender · 19/08/2017 15:32

They're boobs not bollocks, I wouldn't see an issue.

It would be sexual assault because of the intention of the assaulter.

Mamahanji · 19/08/2017 15:39

*Rally
*
I believe that sexual assault is classified by the intentions of the assaulter. Not the body part.

hungoverhippo · 19/08/2017 15:42

Pretty sure if some one groped my thigh that would still be sexual assault...

Nancy91 · 19/08/2017 15:44

I sunbathe topless, I have always seen a lot of this on holiday and I've never heard of it offending anyone.

Is your holiday really so crap that this is today's main event?

BigChocFrenzy · 19/08/2017 15:44

Many naturist beaches in Germany and Sweden, no age limits:
small children, young adults, middle-aged, people in their 80s & 90s

Naked bodies of all shapes, sizes, showing the usual wrinkles, flaws, scars
Very relaxing and totally NON-erotic; no one gives a damn about your shape or bulges

Bikinis / budgie-smugglers are sexier, imo, than nudity.

I'm more cautious about exposing skin than I was 30 years ago, but only because I am more aware now of skin cancer risks.

minniebear · 19/08/2017 15:50

Just back from sunbathing topless alongside women of all shapes and sizes on a family beach abroad. My boobs are absolutely nothing to write home about (having breastfed three children) but I don't like strap marks. My kids didn't bat an eyelid, and I would be horrified if a pair of breasts got DH in a flap-wouldn't have married a man like that tbh. Shockingly, the hundreds of teenaged boys on the beach didn't react to any of the breasts on display, perhaps because they're from a culture that doesn't sexualise a non-sexual part of a woman's body.

Oblomov17 · 19/08/2017 15:51

YABU
Just returned from Tenerife. One lady sunbathed topless. Didn't bother me. Neither of my ds's noticed her, I don't think.

Datun · 19/08/2017 15:57

For all those worried about their teenage sons, or the male gaze. Yes, I'm sure you have identified it correctly.

But that's because it's not normalised in the U.K.

Lots of people are talking about the 70s and 80s when toplessness was prevalent.

It's quite true. After one day, it really is something that ends up just being another body part. No one cares. Any more, or less, than they do that you're showing your legs.

A man may think a woman looks attractive, in a one piece, bikini, or topless. Specifically being topless doesn't intensify that, when it's completely normal. The fact that breasts can be sexual, just becomes irrelevant. You might think 'nice tits', the way you think 'nice legs'.

It's incredibly liberating to realise that not only do you not care, no one else does either.

It also does the dual job of advertising that breasts come in all shapes and sizes, and not the perfect, mass produced breasts we are meant to aspire to. It demystifies and normalises.

It's an eye-opener. Breasts are over sexualised in this country.
More than they deserve.

user1495656648 · 19/08/2017 15:59

im with you OP. Cant beleive the amount of 'they are just fatty tissue/ baby feeders mammory glad' crap you have got! Yes they are all those things BUT they are also sexual objects. Men pay for women to get their tits and your hubby is getting a freebie! no one here can honestly say they would be happy to spend 2 weeks with a topless women distracting your other half! All your femanist opinions would be forgotten about whilst you try to get your DHs attention back 😂 As for the poor teenage boy!!! Wel his mums knockers swinging around drawing attention whilst everyone else in the resort manages to maintain a level of decency will just be highly embarrasing!

ButtHoleinOne · 19/08/2017 16:01

Asshole?? A sexual organ? It's only job is for shitting out of.

Let's just ignore the gay population, shall we? hmm

I think straight women are actually more likely to have anal sex than gay men. It's not a sex organ though. It doesn't define you as a male or female or help to make a baby.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 19/08/2017 16:02

YANBU at all. I too would wish she would cover up.

Hotheadwheresthecoldbath · 19/08/2017 16:03

Children will only be horrified/upset by breasts if that is what you have taught them.My dd is used to me being naked,will sit and chat to me while I get dressed.All normal.
I don't strip on holiday ,not because it might offend someone(their problem not mine)but because I burn to easily.

WinnieTheMe · 19/08/2017 16:03

User - if the OP's DH normally pays to look at a woman's tits, I think she has bigger issues than one body confident holidaymaker!

ButtHoleinOne · 19/08/2017 16:05

Pretty sure if some one groped my thigh that would still be sexual assault...

Too fucking right. And I hope the poster who said would still consider it sexual assault if a man started groupon another man's "non sexual" chest.

Men pay for women to get their tits and your hubby is getting a freebie! no one here can honestly say they would be happy to spend 2 weeks with a topless women distracting your other half! All your femanist opinions would be forgotten about whilst you try to get your DHs attention back

I'm so embarrassed for you. And your dh sounds vile

GeekLove · 19/08/2017 16:12

I sunbathe topless in Ibiza last week and swam as well. Was liberating to do that and not be leered at. However being a ginger that was only the later part of the afternoon, the rest of the time I was in board shorts and a long sleeve rash vest.

Got more looks dressed like that!

Jaimx86 · 19/08/2017 16:19

no one here can honestly say they would be happy to spend 2 weeks with a topless women distracting your other half! Confused That's Iike suggesting you'd spend all day staring at a penis if there was a nude man on the beach. I can't say that's what I'd do!

ButtHoleinOne · 19/08/2017 16:31

Oh but men can't be expected to not stare jaime, it's different for them. Hmm

Jaimx86 · 19/08/2017 16:33

Of course, butt. Silly me!

TeiTetua · 19/08/2017 16:36

Naked bodies of all shapes, sizes, showing the usual wrinkles, flaws, scars.

Very relaxing and totally NON-erotic; no one gives a damn about your shape or bulges

Unfortunately some people have made it clear that they do very much give a damn, with saggy breasts or hair on men's backs and who knows how many other imaginary problems. I really think we'd be happier if we just accept other people the way they are, and get some enjoyment from the variety that's out there. It would be such a fine thing if we could show our bodies without worrying, not because we have gorgeous bodies, but because it doesn't matter whether we're gorgeous or not.

I don't know about non-erotic; maybe, maybe not. It's like beauty, in the eye of the beholder. Just another part of human interaction, best dealt with by watching one's manners.