To not mind buying this dress at the sale price?!

[PhantomBlooper]

I am getting married next year and I'm on the hunt for my wedding dress.

To cut a long story short, I went solo to try some dresses on today and tried on a dress that is simply stunning. More than that, it fits me like a glove and It's on sale.

Ordering the dress totally new would cost £1600. The one I tried on today would cost £699.

My parents are paying for a large proportion of the wedding, as a gift. I haven't asked them to, but it is welcome. My sister had quite a lavish and expensive affair on them so they are quick to keep reminding me that I don't have to scrimp and save, they are happy to pay. Which is wonderful.

I spoke to my mum about the dress I tried on today and showed her a picture. She agreed it was stunning and we are going back so she can see it on. I mentioned to my mum that the lady in the shop told me that she would keep the dress behind for me so that it didn't sell before I got to show her. All good stuff.

My AIBU is when I told my mum I loved the dress and the price tag she said that she wants me to have a totally new dress, not a sample. To me, it doesn't matter. The sample is beautiful, not damaged and would not really need to be altered in anyway. It may benefit from a dry clean but that's it.

I really don't want to butt heads with her over it, especially when she's being so generous, but to me it seems crazy to pay double for what is essentially the same dress. I'm half tempted to buy the dress myself at the reduced price but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

AIBU??

I bought a sample dress in the sale. It is beautiful and should have been 2k. I got it for £250!!

I would never have justified spending over a grand on a dress and now we have extra money for the wedding. If you love it go for it!

Of course the sensible thing is to buy the sample dress, but, as a mother (although my little girl is only 3!), if I have the money, I can imagine myself wanting a new dress for my daughter's wedding. I would never ever do that for myself, but I may for my daughter?

Only the OP knows what her mum normally is like, maybe it is pure snobbery, but maybe also a bit of "wanting the best for your child" sentiment.....

My first concern would be the fit. I would definitely buy the dress that you've tried on, not a different one ordered in.

As an ex (sort of) fashion designer, tell your mum she's being daft & grab the bargain dream dress sample & run. Samples are made to sell a range of garments. They are invariably better quality fabric, with more care taken in making them as they are not mass produced. No "new" off the peg dress will be as good as a sample.

You both know that your sister had a lavish wedding and I think she just wants you to know that she would be happy to give you the same wedding if you wanted. Once she has seen the dress I'm sure she will agree with you 100% and you'll be walking out of that shop with that dress. Congrats.

Tell her you have ordered the more expensive one and put the rest towards the honeymoon...

I have done exactly the same and had the same reaction from my mum. I saved £1000 buying the sample and like you it was in pristine condition and doesn't need any alterations. When my mum saw it in person she completely understood that to spend an extra £1000 to get a dress that would then need more money to alter it to fit like the sample dress would have been crazy!
It is stunning. You will look amazing.

Sorry you are being unreasonable, she wants to buy it, let her. It sounds quite ungrateful to say you would go and buy it when she has agreed to do so.

If you want to buy it go ahead, but I think your mum may feel slighted after her generosity and that seems mean.

"I would rather have the extra towards the honeymoon or a bloody house deposit!" Maybe as your mum is paying you should ask what she would rather do? Maybe she would be happy to give you the extra money, maybe not.

IF, she sees it on and agrees, fine.

Maybe try it on and tell her it is new, get her to say it is fab then admit the truth!

I know you are not saying this to be ungrateful but hat is how it comes across to me, and if this thread gets on one of the newspaper sites and your mum sees it I expect she would feel very hurt to read people saying how 'silly' she is for wanting to buy her daughter a new dress rather than a sample.

Just my humble opinion.

I don't get it. Nobody has owned the dress. Nobody has married in it, just a few people have tried it on. Seems like a no business to me

Beautiful dress by the way

Is it about the money (i.e. making sure she's spending on you what she spent on your sister), or about buying you a new dress?

I can sort of get the desire to buy you something new, but I think she'll probably change her mind when she sees it (as well as seeing you in it - it's absolutely fabulous!)

If it's about spending the same amount of money on you both, why don't you get her to give you a lump sum, the same as she spent on your sister's whole wedding, and then you can choose how you spend it. All the different things you're going to need to spend money on are never going to match the price of your sister's choices. This way she gets to feel better, and you get to make choices the way you want to.

If, when it's all done and dusted, there is money left over, then you could always offer to pay her back what's left. If she refuses, then you have money for a house, or shoes, or jewellery - whatever!

Italian, thanks for your input.

Thankfully, I'm not sure my mum even knows the Daily Mail has a website so highly unlikely she will see it if it does make it on there.

I appreciate that it seems ungrateful, and that's exactly how I don't want to come across. I am appreciative of their generosity, of course, but on a more practical level it seems wasteful to me and that is jarring.

Love that dress.And I never like pink wedding dressers as a rule. But this one is aces!
Your mum will love it when she sees you in it and if you explain to her that a new one might not fit just right as the sample does then hopefully she'll see sense.

I bought a sample. They assured me that all samples leave the store as good as new. They dry cleaned it, it had a few blemishes all of which were not there when I collected it. Felt new to me!

She's not being unreasonable per se, just overtly generous.
She sounds like she has a good heart but is a rather silly woman.

just try and be honest with her hun.like I'm trying to think what id say.mum I'm so grateful your willing to spend on me but in the end whether it was 10p or fifty thousand if I found the perfect one then id found it.so its not anything to do with your offer its finding the dress I love.and the fact your willing to get it for me is what means most to me.ill remember this dress because of that not because someone paid over the odd or pittance for it.its your gift and ive found it.the one

My dress was used in the photo shoot so I got a postcard of the model wearing my actual dress, which I thought was nice. The designer was a friend of the bridalwear shop owner. It cost £700 instead of £2,200 in 1998. No way would I have been able to have the dress at the full price.

Giving your mum the benefit of the doubt, rather than being awkward is it possible she's worried that she'd be spending £700 on a dress (albeit less than she's budgeted for) that isn't perfect? Maybe she's worried it would be a mistake for that reason. Hopefully she'll see the dress and any concerns about it not being brand new will vanish!

I think she's being totally reasonable to suggest the 'new dress' idea in advance of seeing you in the sample.

I know I would be wondering if in the 'dream' of trying it on, you hadn't noticed small patches of wear or damage. Certainly I wouldn't agree to buy the sample without ample opportunity to inspect it.

I think you are jumping the gun a bit with this AIBU. See how she reacts once she has seen it. She might agree with you that it is perfect and buy it without drama.

My dress was a sample and I loved it. Unlike the one you tried it was slightly grubby where it had been tried. I loved it so much I didn't care and, once the shop had cleaned it you'd never have known. I still look at pictures and smile and don't regret buying it.

The dress is stunning!

I work in wedding dress retail and work closely with designers. All designers make their dresses to a specified measurement but allow 1-1.5 inches leeway either way. So a dress that is ordered for a 28 inch waist could be anything from 26.5-29.5 inches on the waist. If the sample gown fits you perfectly there's every chance that a new dress could come in and not have the same fit. It could always be adjusted with alterations but it's another potential cost and inconvenient to factor in.

Good luck with everything and congratulations on your wedding.

I also had a sample dress. It was far cheaper than it would have been new. I didn't buy it for that reason but because I decided 2 weeks before my wedding I wanted a new dress. I loved it. It was perfect condition.

Buy the sample and use the rest of the money towards your lovely wedding.

I LOVE that dress. And I'm not a fan of bustier-style wedding dresses, so that's a big compliment from me!!

While it's up to you, one thing I will say is that when my (new) dress arrived I wasn't convinced it was the one I had ordered (as I hadn't seen it in a while) they brought out the sample to show me it alongside and while it was definitely the same dress, the sample was grey! (and not by design)

PhantomBlooper I am glad you took my comments on the spirit they were intended (eg not meanly). Most people here whole heartedly agree with you, so maybe I am the odd bod!

If it were me paying for dress 1000% I would say get cheaper one! I. Just trying to put myself in your mum's shoes.

I think an honest conversation with your dear mum could help her see that what you both want is the same, lovely dress, great day, and to send money wisely and use any excess money to help with honeymoon/home etc

The dress is gorgeous.

Enjoy your big day.

She's utterly ridiculous. It's a beautiful dress. Full stop.