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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or is DH? Petty argument over a suitcase!!

93 replies

Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 20:49

This is going to sound ridiculous but anyway, here goes.

My husband is off for a weekend away with friends tomorrow. He's flying with Ryanair.

A few days ago I googled the cabin measurements and went to check if his cabin bag would fall within the measurements.

He told me he'd fly with Ryanair before a few years ago and the case fits. I said I'd just check it anyway because money is VERY tight and I wanted to make sure he wouldn't be charged anything at the airport as we really can't afford the extra cost. I thought that if I measured it a few days before, he'd have a chance to sort an alternative or borrow from someone.

He said that he knew it would fit and he wanted me to trust him on this and not measure the case. I knew if I measured it, he'd be upset, so I didn't do it there and then.

Anyway, he leaves tomorrow so I just popped upstairs with the measuring tape and checked it. Turns out it will fit, but only if he doesn't over fill the case, if that makes sense.

I went downstairs and told him and now he's upset that I didn't trust him when he told me it would fit.

I think this is all so petty, he doesn't work for the airline so how does he even know if their cabin sizes could have changed. It's not an issue of whether I trust him or not. Unless he's checked the cabin measurements in real time, how can he catagorically say the case fits?

I just feel it's wrong of him to make out like me checking the size means that I don't trust him.

Sorry, I fully appreciate how petty this all is. We don't often disagree but typically, we've somehow really butt heads over this.

Hoping you guys will be the voice of reason Grin

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 17/08/2017 20:51

Sorry I think YABU. It's infantilising and I would have been annoyed if I were him.

Seeingadistance · 17/08/2017 20:52

He was right, he knew he was right, and he explicitly said to you to trust him that he was right.

You didn't trust him.

cece · 17/08/2017 20:52

I can see both sides. Random musings include.

I would trust my DH to check his own luggage - he is an adult after all. So not sure why you felt the need to check up on him.

He should be more accommodating of your money anxieties and perhaps have measured it himself to prove it will fit.

Hassled · 17/08/2017 20:53

Well - you didn't trust him to be right, did you? It was an issue of you not trusting his judgement/knowledge. It's not like he's making an unfair accusation. Having said that, I'd probably have done exactly the same because you're right, airlines do change the rules and it is bloody expensive and it's always worth checking.

In summary - you were both wrong, and you were also both right :o

stella23 · 17/08/2017 20:53

So he said it would fit and it did fit, not sure what he did wrong really. You sound quite controlling

Ecureuil · 17/08/2017 20:53

I think you're infantilising him too. He was right, essentially.

Ameliablue · 17/08/2017 20:54

Yabu, by checking you are treating him like a child who can't manage on his own.

Original poster
Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 20:57

Can I just clarify. I would not care if we weren't so skint. We are struggling massively right now and an airport fine would just completely screw us. That's the only reason I needed to check or I'd have been worried all morning tomorrow.

OP posts:
Polkadot1974 · 17/08/2017 20:57

I would do this and it would also end in a row. My dh hates being wrong and being told what to do but we also can't afford mistakes. Discussing when calmer is all that works by which point it's usually too late so no help there sorry!

Fruitcorner123 · 17/08/2017 20:58

YABU not to trust him but maybe he has form for getting things wrong in which case its understandable. Did you ask him to check they hadn't changed their measurements?Maybe he had checked this and that's why he said he 'knew' it would fit.

I went downstairs and told him and now he's upset that I didn't trust him when he told me it would fit. why didn't you just NOT tell him once you have confirmation it would fit?

Money causes so many petty arguments in relationships and money and worries about it are at the root of this really. I understand why you wanted peace of mind over this but completely see his POV, you should have trusted him.

Original poster
Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 20:58

He thought that he'd flown with them a few years ago and point blank refused to check, even though he knew I'd be worrying about any unexpected costs.

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 17/08/2017 20:59

If you are so skint, can you afford for him to have a weekend away with friends? I know if money was so tight here that's the sort of thing we'd be cutting down on.

Original poster
Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 20:59

It will only fit if he doesn't fill the case, which guaranteed he would have done if I hadn't checked it and told him.

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 17/08/2017 21:00

He was right.

You could have told him that you are petrified of a fine and it would really put your mind to rest if he would show you that it fits after packing. A nice person would do that for you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/08/2017 21:00

In that case you are still BU but some communication would go a long way. "DH I know I'm being annoying with this but I'm feeling really anxious about a fine we can't pay. Could I just measure the suitcase to ease my anxiety? It's not about you, it's because I won't stop worrying..."

MrsFezziwig · 17/08/2017 21:00

If you are so skint that to pay for an extra case would be a disaster, what happens if he goes over budget while he is away?

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/08/2017 21:01

@RunRabbitRunRabbit great minds think alike!

Original poster
Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 21:01

The weekend was planned and then there have been some unforseen expenses which have come up in the last week. The trip is paid for and he has to go (for reasons which could be outing).

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 17/08/2017 21:01

In our relationship, the way it would work is that it would be his responsibility. He gets a fine? That's £50 less he has to spend on enjoying himself on his weekend away.

Brittbugs80 · 17/08/2017 21:01

Would it bother you if the situation was reversed and he dismissed you and checked upon you?

Why did you not trust him?

And if money is that tight, why is he going away for the weekend?

Original poster
Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 21:02

Runrabbit and missterrypratchet. That's exactly what I said but he said I had to trust him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 21:03

britt if the situation was reversed, I would have checked the size of the case. We can't afford to get a fine at the airport so I would 100% have checked it.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 17/08/2017 21:04

He's not right though is he. He's only right if he under fills the case so it can be squished down. And he may not have done this. And yes it may have been checked. The bag filled would be too big. So this means the dimensions are bigger than permitted.

So you checked, so he knows not to fill it, he should get over it. You're struggling for money and it could just have saved uou some money. I don't see why he would have issues with you checking. If my husband wanted to check I'd have been all, yes go for it.

Original poster
Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 21:04

ecureuil good system. But guaranteed he'd take the extra money out and we'd spend the rest of the month in an absolute financial mess!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 17/08/2017 21:06

I'd also say if money is that tight that paying for luggage at the airport would be so painful, why is he going for a weekend away?

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