Aibu or is DH? Petty argument over a suitcase!!

[Flymetothemooooooon]

This is going to sound ridiculous but anyway, here goes.

My husband is off for a weekend away with friends tomorrow. He's flying with Ryanair.

A few days ago I googled the cabin measurements and went to check if his cabin bag would fall within the measurements.

He told me he'd fly with Ryanair before a few years ago and the case fits. I said I'd just check it anyway because money is VERY tight and I wanted to make sure he wouldn't be charged anything at the airport as we really can't afford the extra cost. I thought that if I measured it a few days before, he'd have a chance to sort an alternative or borrow from someone.

He said that he knew it would fit and he wanted me to trust him on this and not measure the case. I knew if I measured it, he'd be upset, so I didn't do it there and then.

Anyway, he leaves tomorrow so I just popped upstairs with the measuring tape and checked it. Turns out it will fit, but only if he doesn't over fill the case, if that makes sense.

I went downstairs and told him and now he's upset that I didn't trust him when he told me it would fit.

I think this is all so petty, he doesn't work for the airline so how does he even know if their cabin sizes could have changed. It's not an issue of whether I trust him or not. Unless he's checked the cabin measurements in real time, how can he catagorically say the case fits?

I just feel it's wrong of him to make out like me checking the size means that I don't trust him.

Sorry, I fully appreciate how petty this all is. We don't often disagree but typically, we've somehow really butt heads over this.

Hoping you guys will be the voice of reason

*It will only fit if he doesn't fill the case, which guaranteed he would have done if I hadn't checked it and told him.

But guaranteed he'd take the extra money out and we'd spend the rest of the month in an absolute financial mess!*

Sounds like you don't trust his judgement in more ways than just this one. Whether that's justified only you and her know but he is obviously aware and hence why he wanted you to show trust on this occasion but you didn't and now he's upset. Sounds like this could develop into a site point between you.

Why do you need to be involved in creating a Plan B for someone's else's case and trip? That's a bit odd.

Talk about "infantilising" him, but he's acting like an infant! Where's the harm in checking? Especially as his wife offered to check FOR HIM. No effort involved. If my OH wanted to do it and I thought it was totally unnecessary, I'd just say sure, go for it, knock yourself out. Why would anyone get so defensive about such a pointless thing?

YABU

If DP did that to me, I'd feel like I was being treated like a idiot and I'd be quite upset. Horrible to be with someone who treats you like a fool.

It's not me being controlling. I planned the whole trip, I booked all the flights for everyone who is going. I've organised the activities. I've planned the whole thing start to finish. My husband is rarely in the county and is uncontactable a lot of the time he is away (I can't say too much on this matter as it'll out me), so I take care of pretty much everything, most of the time.

She offered to check something he already knew worked.

Consider a reverse where she comes to bed after him and says that everything's locked up. He goes through each lock asking if she was sure then having received assurance it was, he gets up and goes to check. The man would be being berated as the biggest controlling bastard on earth.

Its not about your reasons. Hes not mad with you because you worried. He's mad because you ignored his request for trust.

How did he already know it worked????? cdtaylornats

Meh, if my DH wanted to check the locks I'd just let him. No skin off my nose. I think I'm less uptight than most MNers though tbf.

So the issue here isn't even really about you being in a tight financial situation, but that you have a DH who will happily be lazy/arrogant because he knows you pick up the slack (since if he had been wrong about the case, he would have paid the fine out of family money, not his own)?

When you aren't in a tight financial situation it doesn't seem worth worrying about because the impact on you is not so severe and each individual incidence seems petty. Nevertheless, overall, he rolls along on money things without much thought for how it impacts you?

Yabu. He asked you not to and you went ahead anyway.
He said he knew it fitted so why didn't you just trust him and leave it ? Because you were treating him like a child.

I couldn't live like that. If the difference between checking in a bag or not was my partner being anxious that we didn't have enough money for the month, we would both be working, not going away for the weekend.

I've recently flew with Ryanair and aer lingus and a majority of bags were bigger than the requirements, neither airlines checked size, weight etc.
They are more likely to let you check in the bags now at the gate for free if the flights full and know they will struggle for cabin space.

I don't know- if my husband said that I'd say that is not a valid reason at all and if you won't check I will given we can't afford slippage. I trust you so i believe that's what you are thinking but I'm afraid you're being dumb not untrustworthy. . If you told me the oil on a 10 year old Honda something only needed changing x times a decade then that wouldn't be relevant for our new Kia; that's just as good an analogy as luggage allowances years ago.

I couldn't live like that. If the difference between checking in a bag or not was my partner being anxious that we didn't have enough money for the month, we would both be working, not going away for the weekend.

I don't understand this, it seems pretty reactionary. To me the most logical, erm, logic is, "If the difference between checking in a bag or not was my partner being anxious that we didn't have enough money for the month, we would both be checking the bag measurements to make sure I didn't get charged."

I just ran this situation past my DH but luckily for us he's lik mmmmnuts and no skin off his nose for anything. Which is great bc me and his father are both anxiety ridden - check - it -- three times panicers :D

Just explain that it wasn't about trust. You trusted that the bag used to fit at the time he previously took a plane. You are not doubting that. You were panicking that at this very moment the size for hand luggage might be different, and although half of your brain was probably saying that it would fit, the other half of the brain was in a panic and itching to check because you are so worried about extra expenses. If you had lots of spare money, you probably wouldn't have caved in, but it was more about you calming yourself than about not trusting DH. Every time I go to do a blood test I need to tell the nurse that I'm scared of needles and I get anxious. I don't do it so they are better at taking blood, I assume they will do it to the best of their skill, but it just puts my mind at rest if I say it out loud, as if it were to have any effect. I think this is similar, you did it to put your mind at rest because even though you probably trust him, there was an itch there that was panicking about it. Like double checking the door is locked when you are pretty sure you've just done it. It's about reassurance for own sanity. Go with the "it's me, not you" explanation!

Just read that he stubbornly refused to check and ive changed my mind

YWNBU

Perhaps it would have seemed less mistrusting if you had just openly told him you were going to check if he didnt because it could cost you money that you dont have.