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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or is DH? Petty argument over a suitcase!!

93 replies

Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 20:49

This is going to sound ridiculous but anyway, here goes.

My husband is off for a weekend away with friends tomorrow. He's flying with Ryanair.

A few days ago I googled the cabin measurements and went to check if his cabin bag would fall within the measurements.

He told me he'd fly with Ryanair before a few years ago and the case fits. I said I'd just check it anyway because money is VERY tight and I wanted to make sure he wouldn't be charged anything at the airport as we really can't afford the extra cost. I thought that if I measured it a few days before, he'd have a chance to sort an alternative or borrow from someone.

He said that he knew it would fit and he wanted me to trust him on this and not measure the case. I knew if I measured it, he'd be upset, so I didn't do it there and then.

Anyway, he leaves tomorrow so I just popped upstairs with the measuring tape and checked it. Turns out it will fit, but only if he doesn't over fill the case, if that makes sense.

I went downstairs and told him and now he's upset that I didn't trust him when he told me it would fit.

I think this is all so petty, he doesn't work for the airline so how does he even know if their cabin sizes could have changed. It's not an issue of whether I trust him or not. Unless he's checked the cabin measurements in real time, how can he catagorically say the case fits?

I just feel it's wrong of him to make out like me checking the size means that I don't trust him.

Sorry, I fully appreciate how petty this all is. We don't often disagree but typically, we've somehow really butt heads over this.

Hoping you guys will be the voice of reason Grin

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 17/08/2017 21:06

That would make me absolutely furious, OP - I would feel extremely patronised if DH did the same thing to me

Presumably given that money is so tight DP has a cast iron, no opportunity to go over it budget? In which case if he did have to pay the £25 (or whatever it is to check a bag in at the airport), it would come out of the weekend budget and you would overall be no worse off.

But I can't help thinking that if things are really really so tight that £25 or so is going to wreck the household finances, he really really shouldn't be going on the trip

Ecureuil · 17/08/2017 21:07

Then I guess the issue here isn't about you measuring the suitcase, it's about him not taking your financial difficulties seriously and potentially spending money you don't have.

Original poster
Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 21:07

We have completely messed this up financially and he's on a very strict budget for the trip. We can claw our way out as long as there are no other unexpected costs cropping up. Hence the reason I went against him and checked the case.

OP posts:
HumphreyCobblers · 17/08/2017 21:07

I think that he should have checked himself, given that it was a potential issue. He may have been mistaken.

If the suitcase had been too big then no one would have thought the OP was unreasonable for checking.

Loopytiles · 17/08/2017 21:08

Agree with PP that you were U, and that if a fine would break the bank the weekend is unaffordable. There is bound to be some spending over the weekend, even if it's an all inclusive package.

Original poster
Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 21:08

loopy he has to go on the trip. For reasons I can't post on here. If cancelling were an option, we'd have done it.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 17/08/2017 21:09

You seem to be in that place where everyone wants to be right, no one is communicating effectively, there's lots of stress and you are competing rather than cooperating. You need to sort out more than luggage. Everyone needs to stop right-fighting.

Thsi worked wonders for me and DH tinybuddha.com/blog/a-simple-phrase-that-can-prevent-arguments-and-resentment/

Also, watch this www.upworthy.com/her-story-is-pretty-funny-but-the-lesson-at-the-end-will-change-the-way-you-think-about-blaming

You may need to work together to stop the spiral.

Loopytiles · 17/08/2017 21:10

But given that he's going on the trip, there are likely to be ad hoc expenses.

Original poster
Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 21:10

Thanks MrsTerryPratchett you're right. I'll have a look at that.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 17/08/2017 21:11

If you are that skint, should he be going away at all?

Original poster
Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 21:11

Loopy. Yes, we've accounted for these in his spending money.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 17/08/2017 21:11

Even more so if it's something like a stag do.

Original poster
Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 21:11

Just to repeat. He HAS to go on the trip, for reasons that could out me. If he could cancel, he would have.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 21:13

The way I see it. A luggage fine is completely avoidable so why would we not just make sure we avoid it???

OP posts:
Admirablenelson · 17/08/2017 21:15

It never hurts to check things like this. Your husband is BU to get upset about it and I hope you tell him I said so. He should be grateful you are on the case, so to speak. I am expecting a parking fine from Cornwall council for sitting waiting for the family in a car park that used to be pay and display but is now controlled by camera. I didn't check! We are all ripped off and robbed at every turn these days.

Foxglovesandsweetpeas · 17/08/2017 21:16

I don't think you were being unreasonable - you were just worried. Financial worry is a horrible thing and Ryanair can be brutal about fines - I used to live in Ireland and flew with them many times and they will fine you at the drop of a hat whereas other airlines tend to be more lenient. I get why you did it and he should try and understand it was done out of fear not because you didn't trust him.

Beachbaby2017 · 17/08/2017 21:17

Does he see eye to eye with you on your current financial situation? i.e. does he agree that you can't afford an extra fee and that you need to be careful this month?

I wouldn't appreciate having the suitcase measured behind my back like that but I also think it's really unfair of your DH to dismiss your concerns the way he did.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 17/08/2017 21:17

I think im with you on this. It's not that you dont trust him (you aren't saying you don't believe him that it fit 3 years ago) you are saying you aren't 100% sure they haven't changed their rules.

I think I would have tried to explain it as an itch that needed to be scratched and that while you were sure it was fine you needed to measure it to make sure, otherwise youd be anxious about it.

Re affording to go away, Ecureuil thats a bit harsh. Presumably they have budgeted for the trip but not for the £120 that Ryanair could charge if he was forced to check the bag at the gate.

Voice0fReason · 17/08/2017 21:17

It will only fit if he doesn't fill the case, which guaranteed he would have done if I hadn't checked it and told him.
You're determined to be right aren't you!
I would have been pissed if my DH had done that to me.

Ecureuil · 17/08/2017 21:21

I don't think it was harsh, if finances were that tight for us we wouldn't be going on weekends away. That's just how it is. I'd rather have the money in the bank for emergencies.

Seeingadistance · 17/08/2017 21:22

If he overfilled the case, he'd just have to wear the extra clothing which was making it too full. I've had to do what with Ryanair.

Ecureuil · 17/08/2017 21:23

I know OP has said that he has no choice but to go, which is fine. I made my original comment before she gave us that information though.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 17/08/2017 21:23

he doesn't work for the airline so how does he even know if their cabin sizes could have changed.....Unless he's checked the cabin measurements in real time, how can he catagorically say the case fits?

When I book, the cabin luggage measurements come up and tell you what size you can take.

Original poster
Flymetothemooooooon · 17/08/2017 21:24

still he told me he didn't know the measurements but knew his case fitted a few years ago.

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 17/08/2017 21:25

YABU. You were patronising him and thinking you knew better; you treated him like a child. No wonder he's upset.