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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think SAHMs shouldn't put this nonsense on a CV/job application

999 replies

windygallows · 17/08/2017 10:40

In the last year I've recruited for numerous part-time jobs, receiving applications from many women who took time out to be with family and are now returning to work.

Many of the applicants have been straightforward and simply noted on their CV that they have been SAHM - simple.

But increasingly applicants, perhaps based on some guidance from career counsellors or MN, are finding more creative ways to describe their absence from the workforce.

One, we'll call her Mrs Jones, wrote that for 10 years she was employed by the 'Jones family' and that her work involved 'organizing international travel for her family.' Because organizing a holiday is similar to the tasks led by senior executives.

Another wrote a list of every task she did at home from getting groceries to cleaning the house which, while impressive as an exhaustive list, doesn't really mean much when applying to an office-based role. Especially as it's basically a list of everything most employees have to fit in outside of work.

More galling are the claims that women make about the critical role they played - with my favourite being the one who 'Spent 7 years looking after my two children who needed and deserved my attention.'

There is huge value in the work that SAHMs do but please, please don't put this kind of waffle on your CV. You never know if your interview panel will consist of a FT working, single mom like me who finds it pretty insulting that working means her children apparently lost out on 'the attention they needed and deserved.' Urgh.

OP posts:
MrsSchadenfreude · 19/08/2017 20:25

I've interviewed quite a lot of women who are returning to work after a break. A significant amount really lacked confidence - eg one, in response to the question about why she wanted the job, said "I thought I could probably manage to do it." She wasn't being funny. Please, please, please, don't do this. If it's a competence based interview, do some prep - think about what you've done that is relevant. Not just work, but if you've organised PTA events or anything like that, it can be a good example. THINK about what you can bring to the job and why they should give it to you. The interviewer already thinks you could do the job, or you wouldn't be in the chair. You just need to tell them why you are the best person for it. Rope someone into giving you a mock interview if necessary.

When it comes to questions, DON"T mention childcare problems, tell the interviewer that you can't work on a Friday as your children finish school at 11, or whatever. Ask about the job - you'll be dealing with lots of things - which should be your priority to get to grips with? Can they explain how the work is divided among the members of the team? Will you be expected to cover? Training? L & D? Read up on what the organisation does, how what you'll be dealing with fits into the longer term ambitions for the organisation.

Then go in there and nail it. Smile

TinselTwins · 19/08/2017 20:36

The same way that "working" mothers forget that they are not looking after their own children whilst at work when they claim they are still

SAHMs in my kids preschool or school classes weren't looking after their children either when I was at work! I usually finish just before school pick up, I don't do any less childcare than the SAHMs

NeverTwerkNaked · 19/08/2017 20:41

I agree tinsel - I fit in my work when the kids are at school or in bed. I do exactly the same amount of parenting as a SAHM with school age kids.

TinselTwins · 19/08/2017 20:53

I actually do way more childcare than some of my "works at full time mummy" friends whose parents take their kids for whole weeks/weekends for sleepover babysitting and whose kids always seem to be having their tea in MY house! Wink

NeverTwerkNaked · 19/08/2017 21:08

Ha! Same Grin

Maireadplastic · 19/08/2017 21:09

Tinsel- please can we get back to the useful stuff and away from the bitching.

Grace789 · 19/08/2017 21:18

I once received a CV with a previous job description as; Boss at stay at home mum. Confused

TinselTwins · 19/08/2017 21:24

Tinsel- please can we get back to the useful stuff and away from the bitching

It's not bitching to say that I as a WOHM do just as much if not more childcare than SAHMs!

There are countless posts disagreeing with the OP on the assumption that WOHMs spend less time childcaring than SAHMs, and it's just not true! There are plenty of SAHMS that use childcare and relatives etc.

It's just not true

Besides which, looking after your family is not the law (it's illegal to NOT look after your kids), it's also a selfish introspective act. Nothing wrong with being selfish and looking after you and yours, but it's not really CV/interview talk!

Maireadplastic · 19/08/2017 22:08

"It's not bitching to say that I as a WOHM do just as much if not more childcare than SAHMs!"
Okay, maybe not bitching but definitely stirring and certainly not necessary here.

TinselTwins · 19/08/2017 22:11

Okay, maybe not bitching but definitely stirring and certainly not necessary here

I think it IS necessary when people still insist that the quantity of childcare a SAHM does is somehow going above and beyond the baseline of just "parenting" and is therefore remarkable enough to put it on a CV!

NataliaOsipova · 19/08/2017 22:18

It's not bitching to say that I as a WOHM do just as much if not more childcare than SAHMs!

It's not - and it's accurate (in my case, anyway) - if your working outside the home takes place entirely between dropping the children off at and picking them up from school. During the 33 weeks a year they are actually there. Otherwise it is.

TinselTwins · 19/08/2017 22:35

if your working outside the home takes place entirely between dropping the children off at and picking them up from school

Or if you work nights, or if you work when your kids are away at summer camp or on a Saturday when your kids have back to back activities etc

And it's also worth accounting for non work time away from kids
A working mum who spends all her non working time at home could easily rack up more childcare hours a week than a SAHM who has nearby grandparent babysitters who have the kids for days/nights on end etc

Or if you're a working paren't with sole custody Vs a SAHM with joint custody

It's not just about school hours. It's complete rubbish to say SAHMs all spend all week with their kids. A SAHM in my family has her kids in after school club several days a week and her ILs take them on holiday without her almost every half term! Mine never go to after school club!

Its a false generalisation. There are tonnes of variables!

TinselTwins · 19/08/2017 22:35

if your working outside the home takes place entirely between dropping the children off at and picking them up from school

Or if you work nights, or if you work when your kids are away at summer camp or on a Saturday when your kids have back to back activities etc

And it's also worth accounting for non work time away from kids
A working mum who spends all her non working time at home could easily rack up more childcare hours a week than a SAHM who has nearby grandparent babysitters who have the kids for days/nights on end etc

Or if you're a working paren't with sole custody Vs a SAHM with joint custody

It's not just about school hours. It's complete rubbish to say SAHMs all spend all week with their kids. A SAHM in my family has her kids in after school club several days a week and her ILs take them on holiday without her almost every half term! Mine never go to after school club!

Its a false generalisation. There are tonnes of variables!

NeverTwerkNaked · 19/08/2017 22:44

Exactly tinsel. I work for several hours most nights when then kids are in bed.
I do my office hours while they are in school and the rest when they are asleep.
They've had one week at an activity this summer but most of the kids there had SAHM.... and it was a really fun course to develop their favourite hobby.
evenings off from working are vanishingly rare and there are no family nearby to help. But it is a huge privilege to be able to work and yet still be a "school gate mum".
But even those mums I know who work full weeks still find all kinds of lovely ways to spend time with their children and to parent them. I never thought my dad was any "less" a parent to me because he went out to work. From the moment he came back through the door he devoted lots of time to me; picking up work again once I was in bed. I remember all the stories he read me and the conversations we had and all the glorious holidays and weekends.

Heebiejeebies77 · 19/08/2017 22:45

I am a sahm. I wouldn't put any of the tasks associated with that down on an application/CV because I would rather concentrate on my employment history and skills set from paid employment. If I reach interview stage and they are interested as to why I took a gap and what I learned/how I used my time, I would tell them at that point.

Don't be too quick to judge sahm's as wealthy/lazy etc. I am neither. There are lots of women for whom working would actually put them out of pocket, especially those without a career based job. My husband isn't a high roller, we are pretty skint and still better off with me at home topping up our income with savings where we need to. We don't qualify for any help because we have been together and saved for over seventeen years (14 of those, childless).

A lot of the women I know who do work get free childcare from parents, even if it is just a day or two - I try (and sometimes, fail) to not be too resentful of that, especially when I am being told how lucky I am to not be working. What I actually think is that a lot of women don't want to be in the home full time because it can be just so relentless. How many times have you heard women say, only half jokingly, they go to work for a break. And also, if they are honest, because they have a lifestyle that they don't want to re-evaluate or cut back on.

I really will try not to offend anyone with my CV when I finally do 'get back to work.' And maybe some people here can try not to judge/patronise sahm's.

TinselTwins · 19/08/2017 22:49

A lot of the women I know who do work get free childcare from parents

same for a lot of women who don't work

that's kinda my point! Parenting is "relentless" for some SAHPs and some WOHPs, particularly those without support. It's not something SAHPs have a particular monopoly on though!

NeverTwerkNaked · 19/08/2017 22:50

I totally get that heebie , remember lots of us wohms will have done maternity leave so we've had a bit of a taster. None of us are trying to do down what you do, just that the detail of it is important to you and your family but not to an employer.
I couldn't do it; and feel incredibly lucky I am able to work flexibly so don't have to make very hard compromises. I need work, it gives me a lot of intellectual satisfaction and some of my colleagues are incredibly close friends. I admire sahms.

TinselTwins · 19/08/2017 22:53

Not all SAHMs are "in the home" or with the children all the time either, some are, just as some WOHMs spend every second that they're not at work with their kids

but others have hobbies, do courses, socialise, run/organise things, and don't just live and breath their kids all day every day!

Some have partners that finish work relatively early and "take over" so they can go out for a run or drinks or whatever, which isn't a luxury that "tag-teaming" WOHPs have!

All of the challenges and strains of "SAHPs" that I've ever seen listed are just generic parenting woes and not exclusive to SAHPs

Permanentlyexhausted · 19/08/2017 22:59

Don't be too quick to judge sahm's as wealthy/lazy etc. I am neither.

Yeah .....

Try to practise what you preach. It's not a great tactic to ask people not to judge your situation and to then immediately go on to judge theirs: What I actually think is that a lot of women don't want to be in the home full time because it can be just so relentless. How many times have you heard women say, only half jokingly, they go to work for a break. And also, if they are honest, because they have a lifestyle that they don't want to re-evaluate or cut back on.

NataliaOsipova · 19/08/2017 23:01

Parenting is "relentless" for some SAHPs and some WOHPs, particularly those without support. It's not something SAHPs have a particular monopoly on though!

No - I do agree with you. There are plenty of generalisations on the other side though. Neither of which are helpful. As I said upthread, everyone's situation is different, therefore everyone makes a choice to suit her and her own family the best - so comparison and judgement is pretty fruitless.

NeverTwerkNaked · 19/08/2017 23:02

I'm not sure that final sentence is judgy? Some women (like me) work because we have to. But judging by the number of shiney new 4x4s at the nursery gates, plenty don't strictly need to work /work as much to keep a roof over their heads. That's not a judgement, it's a perfectly reasonable decision to make.

NataliaOsipova · 19/08/2017 23:04

I once received a CV with a previous job description as; Boss at stay at home mum.

That's shite. I'd say "Intergalactic Commander of My House". Soo much more impressive Grin

Babbitywabbit · 19/08/2017 23:05

How did we even get on to the totting up of hours spent at home with kids?! It's quite bizarre!

Raising children to become happy, productive members of society is about so much more than that. Surely it's obvious that a child having 2 hours of calm, positive, interaction with a parent is better than 4 hours being stuck in front of the telly? And perhaps it's better for the child to have a lovely hour with mum, followed by a lovely hour being looked after by dad, than 5 hours with mum....

Let me clear: I'm not criticising any group here- WOHP or SAHP- just making the point that raising children well is So much more than just a tally.

Honestly, if you take that idea to an extreme, the logical conclusion is that children with 2 unemployed parents must be getting the best deal of all as they have both parents home all day!

NeverTwerkNaked · 19/08/2017 23:08

I agree babbity but if you go back through the thread quite a number of people were inferring that wohm had no understanding of "parenting" because they only spent "a couple of hours a day" with them HmmAngry

NeverTwerkNaked · 19/08/2017 23:09

natalia I wouldn't be able to use either of those terms because everyone in the family agrees that our youngest DC (age 3) is the despotic ruler of the household Grin