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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think SAHMs shouldn't put this nonsense on a CV/job application

999 replies

windygallows · 17/08/2017 10:40

In the last year I've recruited for numerous part-time jobs, receiving applications from many women who took time out to be with family and are now returning to work.

Many of the applicants have been straightforward and simply noted on their CV that they have been SAHM - simple.

But increasingly applicants, perhaps based on some guidance from career counsellors or MN, are finding more creative ways to describe their absence from the workforce.

One, we'll call her Mrs Jones, wrote that for 10 years she was employed by the 'Jones family' and that her work involved 'organizing international travel for her family.' Because organizing a holiday is similar to the tasks led by senior executives.

Another wrote a list of every task she did at home from getting groceries to cleaning the house which, while impressive as an exhaustive list, doesn't really mean much when applying to an office-based role. Especially as it's basically a list of everything most employees have to fit in outside of work.

More galling are the claims that women make about the critical role they played - with my favourite being the one who 'Spent 7 years looking after my two children who needed and deserved my attention.'

There is huge value in the work that SAHMs do but please, please don't put this kind of waffle on your CV. You never know if your interview panel will consist of a FT working, single mom like me who finds it pretty insulting that working means her children apparently lost out on 'the attention they needed and deserved.' Urgh.

OP posts:
Babbitywabbit · 19/08/2017 11:31

I think in real life most people have a back story which will reveal qualities about them ... I sometimes discover things about people in my team overcoming huge personal difficulties for example. But these things come out in a different context, sometimes
After months or years. They aren't relevant at interview stage though. And of course some people prefer to keep things completely private. I never assume that anyone in my team has had a wonderfully easy personal life... they may have faced all sorts of battles which they choose not to publicise

user1489675144 · 19/08/2017 11:38

I often wonder if the SAHM who do this forget that working mums also do all this on top of their job. Cringe worthy

They forget that whilst children are at school of all the free time they have that working mothers do not have

SoupDragon · 19/08/2017 11:42

They forget that whilst children are at school of all the free time they have that working mothers do not have

The same way that "working" mothers forget that they are not looking after their own children whilst at work when they claim they are still. Full time mother even though they go out to work.

But you aren't allowed to say that on MN or they whine.

bolshybaggage · 19/08/2017 11:42

They forget that whilst children are at school of all the free time they have that working mothers do not have

User, if you read my posts, you'll see I didn't. Many SAHPs have valid reasons for being so.

SoupDragon · 19/08/2017 11:42

This thread has the same old nasty shit being churned out again. It's pointless.

Babbitywabbit · 19/08/2017 11:46

nope, never 'forgotten' that I was outsourcing some of the daily care of my children... it cost the equivalent of my salary so would be pretty hard to overlook Grin

I was still a mother while I was at work though- AFAIK the nursery staff hadnt birthed my kids!

Maireadplastic · 19/08/2017 11:49

Agreed, SoupDragon. Whenever I read in newspapers or hear on the radio about Mummywars, I think it's a myth generated by media to generate talk; mothers just get on with it. Maybe I'm wrong though- there are some ugly moments on this thread.

user1489675144 · 19/08/2017 11:50

"Many SAHPs have valid reasons for being so."

Indeed they do, and I haven't overlooked that. However there are the SAHM brigade that are lucky they are able to stay at home rather than work, pay the bills and also have the same housework chores the stay at homes can get done during the day.
If children are school age then it is much easier being a SAHM - I shouldn't look at FB but so much time for the nails/hair/shopping - I admit sometimes I feel I should just put my feet up too but self respect stops me

bolshybaggage · 19/08/2017 11:54

There is not really an acceptable title regarding being a SAHP. Stay at home is wrong because the parent in question is not necessarily tied to the house. Full time mother/father wrong because mother and father are relational terms which preclude the idea of being full or part time - it is not paid employment it just is. I now would describe myself as a housewife because my DC is in their teens - I don't define my role as being predominantly a parent. Although I don't do that much housework right either. (Bad back and undergoing treatment for cancer - shit, not very employable am I ?)

This is why SAHMs feel their role is stigmatised/lacks recognition.

bolshybaggage · 19/08/2017 11:55

However there are the SAHM brigade that are lucky they are able to stay at home rather than work, pay the bills and also have the same housework chores the stay at homes can get done during the day.

There's a brigade? Why did nobody tell me?

OhTheRoses · 19/08/2017 11:56

1995-2003
Full time mother and:
Non Exec of PCT 1998-2001
Treasurer charitable women's organisation 2000 to date
Chair PTA Fete 2000-present
Lead volunteer for Children's worship (80 under 10s) 1999-present

One of the reasons I went back to work was because I was doing so much it was turning into a full time bloody job without pay! Interviewed for one job and got it though. I think it helps to put constructive things on there.

GetAHaircutCarl · 19/08/2017 11:58

DH and I have barely used childcare ( we had one year of nursery when ironically I wasn't working).

We'd like to know who has been parenting our children and running our home(s). We owe them a beerWink.

OhTheRoses · 19/08/2017 11:59

Actually I didn't put full-time mother at all swept away by thread. My CV said "career break" children now 5 and 8.

NataliaOsipova · 19/08/2017 11:59

I feel I should just put my feet up too but self respect stops me

But so what if someone else has more time to herself than you do? It's not some sort of moral failing.....

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 19/08/2017 12:00

This thread has the same old nasty shit being churned out again.

Yeah, not least from you.

Babbitywabbit · 19/08/2017 12:01

The bottom line is- some people can only accept that other people make different choices if they convince themselves that person must be 'missing out' on something.

It's quite bizarre.

I've always been a WOHM apart from 3 maternity leaves. I would never subscribe to any bullshit like 'god I'd be bored at home', or 'brain dead' of 'my kids wouldn't be set a good example if I was home.' That's just nonsense. I could have quite happily stayed at home and I'm sure I wouldn't have been bored (not with my kids anyway, though housework doesn't set me alight!) neither would I have become brain dead etc. I worked because I enjoyed my career, was good at it and therefore wanted to combine it with parenting - just as millions of dads do without all this nonsense. A job isn't an alternative to parenting; it's another dimension to life, along with friendships, hobbies etc. You aren't missing out, you're doing something else alongside all the joys and challenges of parenting. If people are determined to convince themselves that you're missing out, it says more about them and how they see the world of work than it does about you.

And I'm sure I'm one of a great many women who work but would also have been fine being at home... it simply isn't an either/ or thing. I've also no doubt my kids would be just as happy and successful as they are if I'd been a SAHM too Smile

NataliaOsipova · 19/08/2017 12:04

We'd like to know who has been parenting our children and running our home(s). We owe them a beer wink

In all fairness, though, Carl, you must have been in a pretty unusual situation to be able to manage that. Great for you that you have, but I can say with absolute certainty that if I'd gone back to my job pre kids, it would have involved a full time, live in nanny.

GetAHaircutCarl · 19/08/2017 12:06

ohtheroses I think being a treasurer is very well thought of. It's a role that has a lot of well recognised responsibility.

A friend of mine who has a great career and lots of current experience still has treasurer duties on her CV.

GetAHaircutCarl · 19/08/2017 12:10

nat a lot of people free lance now, work flexibly and from home.

Obviously there are certain professions where it's not doable.

But to extrapolate from that that all working mothers outsource their child care full time is a stretch ( not you saying that but a poster upthread). In the U.K. Most families have two working parents. Most do not use full time child care.

NataliaOsipova · 19/08/2017 12:14

The bottom line is- some people can only accept that other people make different choices if they convince themselves that person must be 'missing out' on something.

There's a lot of truth in that, Babbity. But I also think that people have such a diverse range of personal circumstances and experiences that some find it impossible to put themselves in the shoes of someone whose life is very different (and who will therefore make their choices in a very different situation).

If you're a couple both in minimum wage jobs with no family support, you're in a wholly different position from two investment bankers with millions behind them. If your mum is round the corner and happy to help with childcare, you're in a wholly different position from someone entirely reliant on paid childcare. It's relatively easy to go back part time if you're a teacher or a pharmacist, but not if you're a proprietary bond trader. People make the best choice for them and their family based on their personal circumstances. And they're uniquely placed to do so. Judgement from others is therefore pretty pointless.....

All that said, back to the original point, then no, I fully agree that none of what you do at home is relevant on a CV!

Babbitywabbit · 19/08/2017 12:23

And anyway... so what if some families can afford, and choose, to employ a full time nanny? It wouldn't have been my personal choice, but each to their own.

My kids have friends who have been brought up in a whole range of ways- 2 parent families, single parent families, WOHP, SAHP, nursery, childminder, nanny....
There is absolutely nothing about them now, as adults, which marks them out simple because of those issues. My kids have friends from all those backgrounds who are happy, successful and have good relationships with their parents.

And maybe therein lies the rub... maybe some people feel that they've made some kind of sacrifice with their life choices and are expecting some sort of 'payback' through their children growing up to be happier or cleverer... Big mistake imo. Make your choice (if you're fortunate to have a choice) on what you feel works best for you as a family- but bear in mind that even if you were doing things differently, your children will no doubt turn out lovely Smile

PoorYorick · 19/08/2017 12:26

Of course there are SAHPs who laze about all day. There are also those in the workplace who do the same. I sit next to one. Galling that she gets paid for it.

WinnieTheMe · 19/08/2017 12:26

NataliaOsipova - not necessarily. A lot of parents both go part time and work around that, and once the kids are in school then it's pretty easy to manage if you have some measure of flexi-time etc. DB, DSis and I (and assorted spouses) all did it that way.

Obviously it depends on the field you're in, salary etc, but it isn't unusual for many.

NataliaOsipova · 19/08/2017 12:30

I'm possibly a bit more fatalistic than you, Babbity. As I see it, you get one way of doing things (this might change over time, but one way overall, if you see what I mean). You can't go back and do things differently, because that time has passed. So you can never know how things might have been different in different circumstances. All you can do is make the best choice(s) for you and your family at and over time. There are pros and cons with any situation - as life is like that. Focus on the positives and try to mitigate the negatives of your own. Navel gazing and philosophising about what others should do is utterly pointless, I think.

OhTheRoses · 19/08/2017 12:44

I love babbity's reference to work being an additional dimension to life. I hadn't thought of it like that before. Enriching, yes, but not another dimension. It sums it up perfectly for me. I needed work for me and personally it added the sparkle of the missing dimension in all our lives because we were, are and will be a unit or team made up of many dimensions - and the more positive they are the better.

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