AIBU to think SAHMs shouldn't put this nonsense on a CV/job application

[windygallows]

In the last year I've recruited for numerous part-time jobs, receiving applications from many women who took time out to be with family and are now returning to work.

Many of the applicants have been straightforward and simply noted on their CV that they have been SAHM - simple.

But increasingly applicants, perhaps based on some guidance from career counsellors or MN, are finding more creative ways to describe their absence from the workforce.

One, we'll call her Mrs Jones, wrote that for 10 years she was employed by the 'Jones family' and that her work involved 'organizing international travel for her family.' Because organizing a holiday is similar to the tasks led by senior executives.

Another wrote a list of every task she did at home from getting groceries to cleaning the house which, while impressive as an exhaustive list, doesn't really mean much when applying to an office-based role. Especially as it's basically a list of everything most employees have to fit in outside of work.

More galling are the claims that women make about the critical role they played - with my favourite being the one who 'Spent 7 years looking after my two children who needed and deserved my attention.'

There is huge value in the work that SAHMs do but please, please don't put this kind of waffle on your CV. You never know if your interview panel will consist of a FT working, single mom like me who finds it pretty insulting that working means her children apparently lost out on 'the attention they needed and deserved.' Urgh.

Again, the "do everything a sahm does" comments were in terms of a list of tasks or skills, not in terms of hours spent performing childcare tasks.

Unless you are Beyonce and have 8 nannies, you almost certainly do childcare. Fewer hours, but childcare. The comments were in response to claims that SAHM's develop a host of skills which working parents don't

I'm sure some of these SAHP CV claims are indeed cringey. It's interesting though, that the OP would interpret these as offensive or as a slight to her parenting .

If a woman chooses to be a SAHM, of course she feels that this is the most valuable use of her time. Otherwise she simply wouldn't do it, would she?

Some women feel compelled to be at home with their kids. If finances enable them to do so, they will. They simply do not feel interchangeable with nannies or daycare and nobody can persuade them otherwise. Whether they are doing this for themselves or for the sake of their children (or both) is hardly the point and not something they need to justify. The human instinct to be with your children is a fact of life and always will be so people who make different decisions need to get over it.

SAHM's do not give a hoot about this claim that WOHMs fit "everything" in around a job. Only someone who is home day in day out with kids knows the actual reality of what they do. It's not about "fitting it all in". It takes a different kind of mental and emotional stamina to deal with the relentlessness of life at home and being on hand for DC 24/7. That is the work. Women who have never done this for prolonged periods will simply never get it.

Equally SAHMs do not fully understand the stress of juggling kids and work. How would they if they never did it?

The OP's post speaks volumes about her own insecurities and it's a shame that women still feel this way.

I'm honestly agog at the nastiness. It's like the worst kind of school playground. I don't give a shit if you are a sahm or a wohm, any of you. But if you put others down about their choices, you are deficient in both kindness and character. That matters a lot more than whether or not you send the kids to nursery or spend the day pushing your kids on the swings.

Unemployed means you are not currently in paid employment. Whether you are looking for a job or not does not determine whether or not you are unemployed. There are many people who are out of work and are not seeking work. Does that mean they are not unemployed?

No, it doesn't. The term you are looking for is economically inactive. You aren't going to describe your 98yo granny as unemployed are you?!!

Parents do their best and have vastly differing circumstances. No parent is superior due to their childcare/working arrangements. I don't understand the generalisations and prejudices on here. It's a big world!

windygallows - some SAHM are financially independent from their "man". There are lots of different circumstances.

I'm baffled that people are posting about my 'insecurities'. I'm not insecure about my situation or place in the world.

BUT I do find it a bit offputting that women would put stuff about the importance of staying at home on their CV when they have no idea who the audience is. It's about expressing a judgement against others and comes across as slightly precious.

I'm a vegetarian and wouldn't go on about how being a vegetarian is the best decision you can make for your body/health/family when I might be out for dinner with a bunch of meat eaters. A clunky analogy but really CVs are not to place to make statements about life decisions that could possibly offend others.

It's generally not a good idea to include anything in your CV which implies a value judgement about lifestyle choices. The example the OP gave of someone saying their children "need and deserved their attention" (or whatever the exact wording was) is one which could easily irritate working parents. But similarly, it would not be a good idea to write:
"I do regular outreach work with xyz church to save the souls of non believers"
"I spent a year volunteering with ABC anti drink charity, campaigning for a change in the law to prevent the sale of alcohol which is a campaign I firmly believe in"
"I am a leader and co-ordinator of 123Pro-Life group"

Saying that you believe your children deserved your attention does suggest that you judge those who don't stay at home.

Unemployed means you are not currently in paid employment. Whether you are looking for a job or not does not determine whether or not you are unemployed.

Check the definition

As a wohm I think this is manifestly bollocks. I clearly don't do the same as a sahm - I delegate all the childcare to nursery 8-6!!!!!

No one said working parents spendvthe same amount of time doing childcare. But the skills that sahms are told to turn into skills are something all parents do. Like cooking, shopping, school run, hobbies etc

That doesnt make any of us chefs, PAs or chauffeurs.

xpost windygallows (started typing, got distracted, didn't refresh!)

Parents do their best and have vastly differing circumstances. No parent is superior due to their childcare/working arrangements.

This is so true!

I cook my own meals, it doesn't make me a chef.
I drive myself and friends places, it doesn't make me a taxi driver.
I clean my own house, it doesn't make me a cleaner.
I do my own paperwork, filing and organise all our appointments, it doesn't make me a PA.
I give advice and listen to friends and their problems, it doesn't make me a counsellor.
I plan and arrange our holidays, it doesn't make me a travel agent.

Whatever decisions people make about their family and childcare is up to them, but there's no point trying to spin each individual element of basic adult existence as some kind of achievement worthy of going on a CV.

frogsoup my 89 year old grandmother is retired. A recognised employment status

It does make me laugh that my dm has registered on LinkedIn with status 'pensioner' :) she's still working pt so it's aspirational in her case

Great. As long as the other 127 candidates are all irresponsible fuckwits who have lost their homes and children through sheer incompetence, you'll be a dead cert for the job.

LOL

I actually know somebody who put on their CV when returning to work that they'ld been a nurse and a teacher and some other profession which is NOTHING like SAHPing either - genuinely!

And insisted that it was the hardest job in the world so returning to work would be easy for her - this IN cover letters! I'm not kidding! (she obv never met anyone who had worked on oil rigs or trawlers or in the forces etc )

She didn't get a job and ended up doing MLM instead...

From what i can see sahp are not included in unemployment figures until they are actively looking for work. Ie available for work.

Couple that with the definition of unemployed......sahp are NOT unemployed.

BIN! For goodness sake, I'd rather someone state that they are quick learners and looking forward to gaining experience in the field rather than stick this crap down

It's not at all true in my social circle that SAHMs do more childcare hours than WOHMs! A lot of the SAHMS I know have their kids in preschool from 2yrs! And use all their free childcare hours.

I only ever used childcare when I was actually at work! so unlike all of my SAHP friends and family, I was childcaring for 100% of the time I was at home. I never sent them to nursery on any of my days off. My friends and family who SAHPed used more nursery hours than I did! (I have condensed hours)

I also know parents who work nights and don't use any childcare. And families who "tag team" so whichever parent is off is always "on duty" at home. There's no mornings to "Catch up" on things at home while the kid is in preschool/nursery/school.

And parents who work school hours! They do as many childcare hours as SAHPS

And families that work their land etc

So I'm sorry but WOHP DO do what SAHPs do, and work.

I had one like that TinselTwins. 8 page CV (not exaggerating I swear) and included phrases like "if I can cope with being a mum of x children I can handle anything"

I had one like that TinselTwins. 8 page CV (not exaggerating I swear) and included phrases like "if I can cope with being a mum of x children I can handle anything"

To be fair "mine" had never done any substantial work, started her family young and seemed convinced that working life = endless hot cups of coffee and "adult company" (lol!) But even so I think it's shocking when people express such a lack of understanding of what it is that other people actually do

I mean this woman lived near a major army base! but SHE had the "hardest job in the world" - oh do fuck off!

I think thats an issue though

Lots of sahp think work equals chilled out day, with lots of adult convo, breaks and coffees.

For alot of us, it isnt like that all.

Alot of parents who work equals loads of free time and an easy relaxed day.

I am sure some sahp and wohp have a chilled realxing time. Most dont.

If you CV makes it clear you think working is a buy of a piss take and will easy, no one will hire you.

I think it's best stated as a fact and not expanded on as if it's the same being MD in a blue-chip company to MD of home.

To me it would come across as gauche and slightly naive. I wouldn't dismiss a CV on that alone but I'd be concerned at the candidate's lack of perception in that they could/should have anticipated it lays them potentially open to such a response as the OP's, in a way that simply stating it as a fact does not. It might be more relevant to starter or very low level roles but anything above that level would be concerning.

BUT I do find it a bit off putting that women would put stuff about the importance of staying at home on their CV when they have no idea who the audience is. It's about expressing a judgement against others and comes across as slightly precious.

In fairness OP, you said on page one that you looked at the whole cv and didn't reject on one comment which is a lot better than some of the other very unprofessional HR workers on this thread.
Those who are put out by a comment and throwing cvs in the bin should be reported to their bosses as the applicant may have the essential criteria for interview.

However OP it is your problem that you see comments as a judgement, not other people's problem and you should sort that out.
You have no need to feel guilty for working, which is obvious as you believe others to judge you.

No way would I ever have worked and used childcare, imo my children deserved better otherwise I would have worked and used childcare.
That is not a judgement on what others choose to do, I am me and they are they, two totally different people with different values and choices.

Lots of sahp think work equals chilled out day, with lots of adult convo, breaks and coffees.

For alot of us, it isnt like that all

I had a job like that!………………………..Circa 1995!
It's a different job market now. There aren't many "easy" little jobs about any more.

OP you did very well to get through the whole CV. In my company we give specific instructions that people who return after more than a year out of work, use a skills based format. If they don't then the CV is automatically binned.