Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's normal to hate some people

95 replies

user1498240695 · 16/08/2017 16:44

I hate some people on this planet (no going to name names). I have a family member who declares to hate no one and verbally attacks me if I ever state that I hate a certain person. It comes across as fake and sanctimonious to me. Surely it's normal to hate certain people?

OP posts:
HeteronormativeHaybales · 16/08/2017 16:47

Depends on your definition of 'hate'.

Intensely disliking someone and resenting them for something they have done to you, fair enough. Wishing them harm, beyond the natural punishments of karma, perhaps less so.

sonjadog · 16/08/2017 16:48

I don't know. I think hate is such a strong action. It takes effort to hate. I'm not prepared to waste that energy on someone I don't like. So I would say that I dislike some people but that I hate no-one. The people I dislike I don't really think about. Do you feel you are using energy on hating these people? If not, then I don't see the problem.

WhooooAmI24601 · 16/08/2017 16:49

There are people I'm not keen on but actual hatred? Nope, I can't think of anyone.

I feel repulsed by people in newspapers and those who cause harm to others. I feel revolted that there are people walking the streets who would do harm to the vulnerable in society. But no, I don't hate anyone.

I think it's fine to hate people and fine not to. It's not fake or sanctimonious either way, just how you feel.

KarateKitten · 16/08/2017 16:50

I don't hate anyone to be honest. Some people seem to hate me but that's for them to deal with. Some people bemuse me but I can't think of anyone I wouldn't be happy to chat to regardless of what they think of me.

KarateKitten · 16/08/2017 16:51

I think I might hate Trump. Not sure though because if I met him I'd find it hard to treat even him with contempt. People are very complex.

MissionItsPossible · 16/08/2017 16:53

Hate is just a throw-around word though. It can be used to describe someone truly, truly evil or a celebrity that gets on your nerves for an irrational reason. I'd guess that 95% of it's usage isn't meant to actually mean pure hatred of something.

booloobalooloo · 16/08/2017 16:54

I wouldn't really say I hate anyone. I dislike a couple. But hate is such a strong word to me. Xx

bigsighall · 16/08/2017 16:55

Yes there are a couple of people I hate and I mean properly hate. I guess some of it depends what you've been thru in life ...

BeyondThePage · 16/08/2017 16:56

dislike, yes... hate, no

I am lucky to have not lived through a reason to hate anyone.

whyareusernamessodifficult · 16/08/2017 16:58

I would say it depends on what different people class as hating someone.
Is it just really strongly disliking them or is it something stronger than that.

She personally does just sound sanctimonious though.

PollyFlint · 16/08/2017 16:58

Oh, I think most people hate the odd person here and there, for whatever reason. It's only weird/harmful if you a) act upon it or b) become obsessed by it.

There a couple of people I've known personally that I would say I hate (and with very good reason, although I don't want to go into detail about what they did) but I rarely actually think about them and I certainly don't waste energy on it. Neither am I seeking revenge or even remotely interested in whatever they're doing with their lives these days.

Gorgosparta · 16/08/2017 17:00

I dont hate anyone. Hate is a strong emotion.

I might hate how someone acts. I might dislike someone. I usually become very ambivalent about people i really dislike.

tinytemper66 · 16/08/2017 17:01

I think hate is a very strong word but I dislike many people. Sadly I find it hard to hide it on times, especially when shat on by said people from a great height. The new term will be especially challenging.

sheeela · 16/08/2017 17:02

No, it's not normal or healthy to 'hate' anyone - why would you waste energy on someone you dislike?

If you hate someone or a group of people, it's really your problem.

PollyFlint · 16/08/2017 17:03

Wishing them harm, beyond the natural punishments of karma, perhaps less so.

I don't know ... wishing someone harm is a world away from doing them harm, isn't it?

I wish I could believe in karma but I don't.

notevernotnevernotnohow · 16/08/2017 17:03

No. I think having hatred for multiple people in your life is a serious issue. And it's not theirs.

LittleCandle · 16/08/2017 17:04

I sometimes dislike people - you can't like everyone. Even then, I generally will be polite to them, because why wouldn't I be? I don't think about them at all unless they are right in front of me.

I fear Trump, not hate him.

PodgeBod · 16/08/2017 17:11

Yes there are definitely people I hate. I can even think of a couple of people I don't know that I would say I actively hate (people who have committed heinous crimes that have had a strong emotional reaction from me). Maybe that does say something about me but then again, maybe I'm just a passionate person. I consider myself a generally kind and forgiving person though.

PollyFlint · 16/08/2017 17:14

why would you waste energy on someone you dislike

Sheeela, there's no energy involved. It's not an effort. To hate someone doesn't mean you sit there seething about it all the time.

Absolutely fine if you don't hate anyone, but I think to say it's abnormal or unhealthy to do so is a bit dismissive of what some people might have gone through. Unless you know the full circumstances behind someone's feelings about an individual, I think it's best not to pass judgement on whether those feelings are acceptable/normal/healthy.

(I'm talking here about someone who hates an individual for something they have chosen to do - I'm certainly not talking about someone who hates a whole group of people purely for what they are, which is a very different thing indeed and totally unacceptable in my book.)

BroomstickOfLove · 16/08/2017 17:16

I don't hate anyone. I can see how it would be possible to hate someone, but I've never actually experienced it, and I hope that I never do.

RatRolyPoly · 16/08/2017 17:16

I agree with Bigsig that it depends on what you've been through in life. The majority of my life I never hated a soul and couldn't imagine how anyone could. And then things changed, and now I do.

That doesn't mean a lot in practical terms, and I hate them mostly to protect myself from the potential of them harming me in the future i suppose. Years of not hating them didn't help me, and it could leave me vulnerable to not hate them again at some point the future. So I remind myself that I do, and why, and that I always will. I think I'm better off that way.

mumblechum0 · 16/08/2017 17:19

I'm 54 and have only hated 1 person who was at that time my boss and an utter loon.

I just resigned and haven't hated anyone since. As PP say, life's too short to waste on negative emotions.

PollyFlint · 16/08/2017 17:19

I think having hatred for multiple people in your life is a serious issue. And it's not theirs.

My mother has a close friend who was horrifically abused by her father and his friends. They're all dead now, but she definitely hated them when they were alive.

Who do think is the problem in that scenario? My mum's friend? Or the men who raped a child every week for five years?

functionAndMethod · 16/08/2017 17:24

Nope. I don't hate anyone.

most Some people annoy me and some I dislike but on the whole I simply can't be bothered with anyone enough to hate them.

WeAllHaveWings · 16/08/2017 17:27

i have only hated one person in my life, a man in our extended family who abused my dn several years ago. I don't think of him often so don't actively hate him if you know what I mean, it's unlikely I would ever meet him again, but I would struggle to control myself if I did.

Swipe left for the next trending thread