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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's normal to hate some people

95 replies

user1498240695 · 16/08/2017 16:44

I hate some people on this planet (no going to name names). I have a family member who declares to hate no one and verbally attacks me if I ever state that I hate a certain person. It comes across as fake and sanctimonious to me. Surely it's normal to hate certain people?

OP posts:
dollydaydream114 · 16/08/2017 17:29

The trouble with a discussion like this is that everyone has a different idea of the point at which dislike becomes hate, so it's impossible to know whether we're all even talking about the same emotion.

I do agree that people shouldn't start throwing judgements around without knowing the actual reason for someone's hate of an individual though. I think not having a reason to hate anyone makes you a lucky person, not a superior one...

Argeles · 16/08/2017 17:33

I definitely, genuinely hate some people, and I think it's perfectly normal.

Nonibaloni · 16/08/2017 17:35

Thankfully I haven't experienced anything that causes me to hate anyone. There's people I don't like and people who I would leave a room if they entered but I don't hate them.
And in terms of child abusers and people who have done horrific things, I don't think I can hate someone I don't know in the same way I can't love someone I don't know.

BackforGood · 16/08/2017 17:35

Wow - I think YABU, yes.
If you actually 'hate' multiple people then I think you need to look at those issues.
Hate is a very strong emotion to have.
I'm sure we've all met people we don't take to, but 'hate' ? No. Like your family member, I don't 'hate' anyone, and I would expect the vast majority of the population not to have even one person they hate, let alone "some".

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 16/08/2017 17:43

Yes. I have a growing list Grin

Agreed with PP. It amuses me that people think it requires any effort to hate someone or that if you do hate someone, you must think about them all the time. Er nope. If their name is mentioned , the feeling of hatred is acknowledged and that's all.

I know plenty of people that feel like that, all are perfectly happy, they just really dislike certain people and usually with very good reasons.

notevernotnevernotnohow · 16/08/2017 17:46

Yes, dislike. Not hate. They are not the same thing'.

And the fact that you are amused by it says even more about you.

Hate hurts the person who harbours it more than the person they harbour it for. It's not funny.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 16/08/2017 17:54

Oh bore off notever

It says nothing about me other than I'm honest . No it really doesn't hurt the person hating someone else in any way at all. If you think that then so be it.

SleightOfHand · 16/08/2017 17:55

I believe we are all connected, everyone has good and bad in them. So to hate would be hating myself. What positive or good can come of hating.

notevernotnevernotnohow · 16/08/2017 18:01

Are you always this rude?
Beginning to see why you have such problems with other people....

LagunaBubbles · 16/08/2017 18:02

What's all this mock outrage that hate us a "strong" emotion? What's wrong with having strong emotions? Nothing that's what. More problems exist in people when they don't acknowledge their emotions than when they do. Of course it's normal to hate people. It doesn't involve sitting plotting their demise every day with a voodoo doll either Hmm

notevernotnevernotnohow · 16/08/2017 18:04

It's neither mock nor outrage.
Goodness, the haters really do have problems with interaction with others it seems.

SleightOfHand · 16/08/2017 18:14

Has anyone seen the film Dead Man Walking or read the book by Helen Prejean? It's about love and forgiveness in dire circumstances.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 16/08/2017 18:19

It doesn't involve sitting plotting their demise every day with a voodoo doll either

Shhh Bubbles, don't spoil their image of us "haters" Grin oops I'm fresh out of pins!

Am I always this rude? You're doing a pretty good job yourself not

mirime · 16/08/2017 18:24

Wishing them harm, beyond the natural punishments of karma, perhaps less so.

HeteronormativeHaybales I'd say it depends why you hate them. I don't think it's odd to wish harm on someone who has done great harm to you or a loved one.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 16/08/2017 18:27

I think it depends on how you define hate.
If you mean that you feel a very strong sense of disgust when a person is mentioned or you happen to see them, then yes, I'd say there's someone I hate.
I feel that way because I can't understand their actions. I just can't fathom how a normal person would act the way they did, or at the very least be utterly ashamed of themselves.
Instead they tried to get me into trouble for reacting in a protective manner.
Thankfully that failed, but they still blame me for the consequences. Perhaps I'd have lost the feeling by now if my child hadn't been involved or I didn't have to see them regularly.
Extreme disgust sums it up for me.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 16/08/2017 18:39

I think "hate" is a very strong term used too loosely tbh. There are only 2 people i genuinely hate, one a highschool bully who was so extreme i ended up having to drop out of education with severe anxiety and depression and was suicidal. The anxiety disorder took over when i lost the structure of having to go out everyday and spiraled out of control. Went from top student with any future i wanted to having to drop out because i was at breaking point and becoming housebound and disabled, in the 13 years since ive never recovered

AlmostAJillSandwich · 16/08/2017 18:47

Pressed post by accident. The other one is an ex who i met online and was very honest about my illness and past, he saw ny vulnerabity and set about acting lime a good guy to draw me in, then subjected me to years of manipulation, controlling abuse, verbal sexual abuse and financial abuse including stealing from me. Both of those people have had a lifelong negative impact on me that i cant fix, people like that (extreme abusers) fit the term hate, but most people honestly i think should be termed dislike/intolerant of.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 16/08/2017 18:47

Jill I'm so sorry. You have every right to hate those people. It's perfectly normal with what happened to you. Flowers

Runny · 16/08/2017 18:56

I dislike a lot of people, because you can't like everyone you meet. But I honestly can't think of anyone I actively hate. I think someone would have to do something genuinely awful to me to make me hate them, because hatred must take up far too much energy. I don't hold grudges either, can't be arsed.

SaS2014 · 16/08/2017 18:57

Of course it's normal to hate some people.

SleightOfHand · 16/08/2017 19:04

Are people that hang onto hate really deep down happy and content.

I like this quote: Forgive them not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace.

SleightOfHand · 16/08/2017 19:07

Of course it's normal to hate some people. Does that make it right and helpful to the hater though?

PollytheDolly · 16/08/2017 19:13

Hate takes emotional effort whereas indifference is far easier on the soul.

dollydaydream114 · 16/08/2017 19:14

Absolutely open-mouthed at some of the tactless, smug comments on this thread.

Delighted that some of you are so serene and forgiving ... but to snark at and judge people without knowing anything about their situation, who is they feel and they hate and why is absolutely vile.

You are a million times worse than someone who quietly, harmlessly and inactively hates the person who deliberately put them through an unimaginably horrific experience.

Take a very long look at yourselves and what you're saying to people.

dollydaydream114 · 16/08/2017 19:16

"who is they feel" No idea where those random extra words appeared from!