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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let DD go to sleepover?

109 replies

Kusstard · 16/08/2017 10:03

DD (7) has been invited to a friend's birthday sleepover- haven't told her yet. I haven't let either child do a sleepover yet as a) they're still quite young and b) I have major issues handing their care over to relative strangers. She would love to do it but I am hideously uncomfortable at the thought of letting her. Stick to what I feel is best or give myself a slap and let her go?

OP posts:
2014newme · 16/08/2017 10:05

Yanbu

Notreallyarsed · 16/08/2017 10:05

It depends if she wants to go. If she'd love it, I think you need to just let her go and deal with the worry. I don't say that lightly, I have numerous MH issues which I am hugely aware could impact on my kids if I banned everything I'm afraid of/anxious about, and I'd rather me feel it than them miss out iyswim.

Notreallyarsed · 16/08/2017 10:06

Also, if you did decide to let her go, make sure the other parents have your number and if she gets upset/wants to come home, that they'll call you. That might reassure you a wee bit?

Glumglowworm · 16/08/2017 10:08

If she would want to go then Yabu

Make sure the other parents have your number and know that they can call in the middle of the night if necessary.

WhooooAmI24601 · 16/08/2017 10:09

I think it depends on how well you know the people she's staying with; are they a family you know well enough to send her there?

Original poster
Kusstard · 16/08/2017 10:11

I'd definitely have to give them my number. Tricky.

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 16/08/2017 10:12

If she wants to go then I'm afraid YABU to let her miss out over some irrational fear that they are monsters? Will keep her up until 4am and fill her full of skittles until she's sick and never sleeps at 7pm again?

flownthecoopkiwi · 16/08/2017 10:12

I'm sorry but she is 7!!! Let her go.

Original poster
Kusstard · 16/08/2017 10:13

No, I don't know them well at all, their daughter has been to ours once for a play date. The fact is, I'm going to be uncomfortable with this even if I knew them well.

OP posts:
Llanali · 16/08/2017 10:13

I would let her go; presumably you know the parents (from school?) and other children going- do you know their parents?

If she wants to, then yes, i would let her.

You could always arrange a "code" with her, asking her to ring before bed and if she needs collecting she could give you the "code".

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 16/08/2017 10:13

Dd is nine and unless I know the other family well, I say no sleepovers. I want to be confident they'll actually get some sleep, also that the parents will actually call me if there is a problem. For that you need to know them reasonably well.

Llanali · 16/08/2017 10:14

What is it you are uncomfortable with, if you'd be uncomfortable even if you knew them?

dollydaydream114 · 16/08/2017 10:14

I would let her go if she wants to but make sure that her friend's parents have your phone number and that they will call you to collect her if there's a problem.

When you say "handing their care over", what care do you think might be lacking? There will be other kids there. The worst that could happen care-wise is that she'll eat junk food and won't brush her teeth, which isn't going to harm her for one night. If she doesn't feel well or gets so homesick that she doesn't want to stay, the hosts can call you to come and collect her.

AliciaMayEmory · 16/08/2017 10:16

Your dd is 7yo, not a baby and she will probably have a wonderful time and forge great friendships over thing like sleepovers. You say yourself she'd love to go, and it's your issues preventing her going, so yabu.

BertrandRussell · 16/08/2017 10:20

Can you pinpoint your concerns?

PandorasXbox · 16/08/2017 10:21

Would you let her go if you knew them well?

ambereeree · 16/08/2017 10:22

OP my DD is not even two but this scenario fills me with dread.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 16/08/2017 10:23

I have had my fingers burned here, having sent dd on a sleepover where nothing was done to ensure the children slept. Dd was kept awake all night and was significantly distressed the next day. She still recalls it as a very unpleasant experience and has had to be fetched home from sleepovers since. So unless I know sensible rules will be enforced I say no.

Ilovefraybentos · 16/08/2017 10:26

No sleepovers for us. I'll admit I am one of the very paranoid types with this stuff but for me the worry is not knowing who comes and goes from their house during the sleepover. It's not necessarily just the parents who would be there in terms of adults and that makes it a no go for me.

PandorasXbox · 16/08/2017 10:28

Sleepovers are part of growing up and being a child. I'm baffled by all this paranoia.

Original poster
Kusstard · 16/08/2017 10:28

I was abused as a child, so anything that increases my children's level of risk completely freaks me out. It's logical to assume that she will be fine but logic doesn't apply here.

OP posts:
NewDaddie · 16/08/2017 10:29

Yanbu. I wouldn't let dd sleepover unless I felt comfortable myself sleeping over there.

Basically if I (or dw) wouldn't feel comfortable crashing on your sofa overnight then we don't know you well enough to for you to take care of our dd overnight.

MrsOverTheRoad · 16/08/2017 10:29

YANBU

I hate this stupid obession with "sleepovers'

It's a completely American thing.

Fine when they're over 9 in my opinion but not under.

You don't know the family or who might pop over to the house at all!

PodgeBod · 16/08/2017 10:30

It's always going to be scary the first time op. Try to look at your child objectively and ask yourself if she is mature enough for this. Sleepovers are a really exciting experience for a lot of kids.

hiccupgirl · 16/08/2017 10:33

At 7 I'd say no unless your DD is amazingly outgoing and confident. My DS is the same age and he would be fine until expected to go to bed in a strange house and then he would get upset and want to come home.

I don't think sleepovers are an essential thing to do as a child - the only sleepovers I ever did were with my grandparents now and again. I stayed at a friend's house once as a teenager and that was it.