AIBU to not let DD go to sleepover?

[Kusstard]

DD (7) has been invited to a friend's birthday sleepover- haven't told her yet. I haven't let either child do a sleepover yet as a) they're still quite young and b) I have major issues handing their care over to relative strangers. She would love to do it but I am hideously uncomfortable at the thought of letting her. Stick to what I feel is best or give myself a slap and let her go?

[KeemaNaan]

I'm just reading some of the concerns above and am gobsmacked people even go there.

I trust the parents of my kids friends not to be giving them access to inappropriate films / internet etc, in the same way that they trust me not to do it. Ditto people coming into the house.

It's a bit of an eye-opener seeing the level of worry people have as after 3 years of sleepovers, I've not come across any of the problems and it sounds more like parental worry than reality.

[BadTasteFlump]

Neutrogena I have to say that's a pretty disgusting comment to make to somebody who has already said they were abused as a child.

Maybe take your 'confused face' somewhere else.

[LuxuryDrinks]

YANBU

I wouldn't let mine go apart from a few exceptions.

If I've never been to their house my child is not sleeping over (I've turned a couple down under these circumstances. Why on earth would I?

People seem to think I'd be happy handing my children over to practical strangers to sleep at their house overnight, yet in my line of work, adults need police checks before they can work with children in a busy environment...

[PinguForPresident]

Sleepovers since age 5 here. They have an absolute ball. I've occasionally had to get another child collected if they get sad, or call a parent at 11pm for a reassuring chat, but it's been absolutely fine.

[Notreallyarsed]

Neutrogena what is your game? Every thread I've encountered you on you pop up with an inflammatory, unhelpful and often goady post. Is it fun for you? Is that how you get your kicks?

[Rosiemary]

I wouldn't be happy to let her go unless I knew the parents well.

[Kusstard]

Okay, I don't think my daughter would be confident enough to say if she was unhappy, so I'm going to say she's going to the party but not the sleepover. Opinion on here seems to be divided if 7 is too young or not, but I know her best and on this occasion it's not right. Hearing other opinions helps clarify mine, thanks!

[Kusstard]

Hello Neutrogena troll.

[Neutrogena]

I don't understand the OPs concerns.
Just saying I have major issues handing their care over to relative strangers alludes to something very untoward, far more severe than watching a movie, eating junk, or staying up late.

[Neutrogena]

Didn't read the OPs later comment about abuse. Apologies.

[Notreallyarsed]

Kusstard that sounds like a good plan. You know your daughter better than anyone else, and if you think she wouldn't be able to say if she was unhappy then that's fair enough.

[NikiBabe]

Does she want to go?

I have major issues handing their care over to relative strangers.

That sort of attitude is the reason I missed out on so much as a child. I wanted to go and do this and that, mummy said no as she couldnt handle it.

Its unfair and transfers your anxiety onto the child.

[Ginandplatonic]

This is another one of those topics where the MN consensus is totally different from my real life experience (see also not answering door, not letting visitors/tradesmen use loo, washing sheets every day, not letting people hold your baby etc, etc).

My kids and their friends have been doing sleepovers since they were 7 or younger and having a great time. I think it's a shame so many kids are missing out on a fun bonding experience with their friends because of their parents' irrational anxieties.

[fannydaggerz]

If she wants to go, let her go but if she wants to come home later then pick her up.

[19lottie82]

If she wants to go, let her.
Realistically, what's the worse that will happen? You get a phone call and have to pick her up. Is that really a big deal?

[BarbarianMum]

I think 7 is young for a sleepover anyway, and doubly so to a family you don't know well. I don't think you'd be alone in saying "no thanks".

[mrsm43s]

I think 7 is at the younger end for sleepovers.

However, I'd let her go, based on the fact that you've said she would love it.

Perhaps arrange with the parents for you to give her a goodnight call before bed, to put your mind at ease.

I found from about 8/9 onwards, with girls, sleepovers were the party choice, and that's still the case with my 13 year old daughter. You're going to have to let her do it at some point, or she's really going to miss out socially. As she'd love it, it sounds as though she's ready for it now, so I'd bite the bullet and let her go. I don't have any childhood bad experiences to deal with though, so I accept that its easier for me to let go in this situation than for you.

[user1489675144]

YANBU she is young, perhaps a play and then you pick up at X time

I prefer play for several times first, get to know the family, it is your daughter and you do what you feel happy with

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Hi OP, your reservations are perfectly understandable.
You could let your daughter go, and as suggested, give her a code word.
You could let her stay until late in the evening, then get her some chips on the way home !😄
You could arrange a sleepover at your house instead, or leave it until she's a bit older.
All options are allowed.🌸

[BertrandRussell]

It always amuses me when people say "Oh, no. Far too young for a sleepover. Why not ask if the friend can have a sleepover at yours instead"

[Parker231]

Will your DD be unhappy at attending the party but then having to go home when her friends are having a sleepover? At 7 a sleepover is exciting - lots of laughing and giggles and not much sleep for anyone!

[mozza99]

I can understand why you feel worried YANBU. I would say no this time and maybe in a year or so start by she have a bf sleepover to gauge if they are actually going to sleep. When I was a child we only slept at my cousin's and a secret "midnight" feast with much giggling and our parents pretending they hadn't noticed us sneaking sandwiches and cakes from the tea table was the highlight of our Summer. We didn't have t.v.s or electronic games in our rooms then. As the parent of now adult children the thought of the potential for abuse never occurred to me but with the benefit of hindsight I would always keep sleepovers to a maximum of 2 children and remove all electronics from the room for the sake of my own good night's sleep.

[Kusstard]

Good options Sugarpiehoneyeye

[NancyJoan]

She's still quite little; my DD had her first one at 8 and a half, my DS is 8 and is yet to sleep over with a friend.

[FireSquirrel]

It always amuses me when people say "Oh, no. Far too young for a sleepover. Why not ask if the friend can have a sleepover at yours instead"

This.