AIBU to not let DD go to sleepover?

[Kusstard]

DD (7) has been invited to a friend's birthday sleepover- haven't told her yet. I haven't let either child do a sleepover yet as a) they're still quite young and b) I have major issues handing their care over to relative strangers. She would love to do it but I am hideously uncomfortable at the thought of letting her. Stick to what I feel is best or give myself a slap and let her go?

So calm it "spending the night" Mes Over. Brits have been doing that for just as long (longer!) than Americans.

Well given your update it's understandable that you're apprehensive but you have to be careful that you aren't too anxious about her partaking in normal childhood events as your anxiety will run off on her. But if you're not comfortable with this as you don't know the parents well I get that.

What about you having a sleepover at yours soon?

I wasn't allowed on sleepovers at 16 but I'm sure that's not especially relevant. I think you need to find out basics because not everyone has the same ideas or expectations. For example will the children be under adult supervision all the time, e.g. some parents allow children to go to park alone, I know I did when very little but now I don't think it's so frequent. Will the mum be there all the time or will they have to go to work, who will then take care of children.

If it's a birthday sleepover with a whole group I think it would be a shame for her to miss it. Why not have a coffee with the parent(s) concerned and explain your concerns, get reassurance about the things that bother you.

I try very hard not to be too twitchy about "normal" activities, but this is a bit of a biggie. The idea of having a sleepover here is a good suggestion.

I can understand your worries. My son is 8 and became friends with twin boys in his class, I didn't know their mum well, only to say hello to at the school. She asked could my DS sleep over and I was very reluctant as he was only 7 at the time and not been away from home overnight before. However, he was really excited about going so I let him go, making sure I text the mum a few times to make sure he was alright. He absolutely loved it and he liked that little bit of independence. It was really good for him. So I would say consider letting her go if it's what she wants. But make arrangements to stay in touch.

I was invited to a sleepover for my friend's 9th birthday. I was the only one in my group of friends not allowed to go and tbh, I think the feeling of missing out was worse than what would have been caused by a night of junk food and poor sleep.

I would be uncomfortable about a sleep over at that age, unless with family but I probably would relent as the most likely worst case scenario is child gets upset and wants to come home.

No way with parents I didn't know fairly well!

Age of child etc is different for everyone, what they are you feel comfy with, what kind of child they are.

But for me the needing to know the parents well enough to trust them with my child overnight is non-negotiable... and common sense I'd say!

Has society changed massively in the past few years?! Why is everyone so terrified of a sleepover? If anything it's infinitely safer now as you can arm children with a mobile phone to call you if there's a problem.

It's a big part of growing up- as is having the occasional exciting night with a midnight feast and only a little sleep.

Relax- get to know the family better if you feel you need to, but soon enough it will be time to allow her to go to sleepovers. She's 7, that's a normal sleepover age!

YANBU
7 is way too young for sleepovers, if I were in your position I wouldn't let her go.

My daughter is a bit younger than yours, but no, personally I wouldn't let mine go to a sleepover where I didn't know the parents. I wouldn't leave some random friends's parents who we had never met to stay over at our house and babysit her while we went away for the night and for me it's the same thing. I personally think it's a strange thing to do with children who you don't even know. I think it's different if the parents were good friends of yours who you knew well and trusted and spent time with. Or if they reached out first to invite you around to get to know them on a number of occasions. But it's weird when they are complete strangers. I know it's upsetting though to think you're missing out. I am very cautious about abuse though as well because of my own experiences.

I wouldn't have let my dd go at 7. She wouldnt have settled, in any case, and obviously with what's happened to you in the past. You're bound to be apprehensive.

7 is too young to send her. She doesn't know the family. If she was upset would she even be confident enough to tell them?

I personally would not.

I seen a terrible post on here about a little girl who went to a sleepover and was abused by another child (boy) whilst there. As someone mentioned if she did attend would she be comfortable enough to say if something did upset her and be ok to ask to go home.

I think as it has happened to you (very sorry) I think your right to be extra cautious.

You cannot cotton wool wrap your children which is the point I think most are trying to make. But I think in this case your gut is telling you to give this one a miss.

I don't think YABU, at 7 she is very young still. I would let her go to the party but pick her up at 10pm or so. She might secretly be relieved to have her mum give her 'an out' so to speak. And there could well be another parent relieved that you are doing that so they can do likewise.

I think sleep-overs for pre-teen children are totally over-rated and totally unnecessary. Young kids are often very nervous and there are certainly child protection issues, as well as issues to do with different levels of supervision in different homes when you don't know the parents well. For example: watching age inappropriate/scary films, unsupervised late night internet browsing, possible exposure to drug & alcohol use by other family members, not knowing quite who will be at the house on the night)

I seem to remember sleep-overs as also being the times when kids get a bit feral (all that sugar, excitement, & lack of supervision). Kids can be made to feel left out & there can be bitchiness, all very hard to deal with for a small tired child in an unfamiliar environment. Plus, for young children, it's a long period of time to be "social", they get tired (obviously) & stressed.

I never let my DD either go to sleep-overs or have sleep-overs at house until she was 12. She was sometimes quite keen to do the sleep-over thing, but more often than not, was actually really happy to come home at night to her own bed. It was unusual amongst her peers, but did her no harm socially or confidence-wise whatsoever.

I Don't think OP is being U at all. 7 is still very young. Some children are more mature have slept at relatives lots etc but many at that age are still little children. My parents and in laws are elderly and distant, cousins all much older or hours away. Neither my dd or any of her friends are doing sleep overs yet. I think being dismissive of other peoples fears and situations is rude. I didn't do sleep overs at that age in fact it was never a thing we really did at any age neither did my dd's friends parents. We have discussed it. She is your child. You need to do what you feel right with. I can see that soon I will feel ok with my dd going on a sleepover with someone I know well but I would feel very unhappy to be pushed into a situation as the OP feels and would say no. It is a sleep over that's all she won't come to harm missing it. Sometimes it's ok for parents to say no.

I don't think that 7 is necessarily too young for a sleepover, but if it's after a party & if there are a few others it might be a bit "full on" for a first time.

If she would like it it's a shame for her to miss out-any chance you could have the girl & parents over to try & get to know them better?

Only on MN have I came across such huge paranoia regarding sleepovers. It's a normal part of growing up!

Sleepovers are for fun, late nights, eating junk food and watching films. What's all this talk of 'sleepover rules' and 'I must ensure my child gets a good nights sleep'

Lighten up, sleepovers are meant to be fun!

Don't let your paranoia impact on your DD. You haven't even asked her if she wants to go yet.

Ds has his first sleepover age 5! He was desperate to go. Although it was at someone's house that I knew quite well ( mum from school ) and he loved it.

Personally I don't think 7 is too young.

Sleepovers are not an American thing.

Don't subject your daughter to your paranoia and anxiety. That's for you to deal with. If she wants to go, then she should be able to go.

I was going on sleepovers when in daycare. Never did me an ounce of damage. My kids have done the same. We reciprocate and have the other kids here often. They have so much fun.

Yanbu I feel at 7 mine is too young to sleep over at someone's who isn't family. Maybe in a couple of years

I definitely agree that 7 is a bit too young unless it's a family you know very, very well.

Your own (perfectly understandable) worries aside, at 7 how confident would your DD be to tell the parents if she was unhappy/unwell if she doesn't really know them either?

I would just say this ^^ to the parents but offer to have their DD sleepover at yours if they feel she is confident enough.

DD has been doing sleepovers since she was in reception and loves them as do her friends. All the parents have each other's numbers in case there's a problem - though there has never been one.

They mostly involve a lot of playing, giggling and having fun. She gets a lot out of them.