To be upset by the state of my house after being in Hospital?

[candycandles]

So I'm pregnant, hormonal and three days away from a csection so fully prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable. But;

I have been in hospital since Thursday with pregnancy complications. I keep a relatively tidy house (not a overly tidy or neat freakish but I like to keep it tidy enough to not be embarrassed if someone we're to stop by unexpectedly) however am really genuinely upset that I've come home and found my partner has made no effort whatsoever tidy up after himself whilst I've been gone. We have two toddlers, who have actually stayed with grandparents or been at nursery whilst I've been away, so minimal need for mess from them and he was away at a stag do for the weekend/work/hospital with me so also not been here much. Somehow though there's clothes all over the floors (in all the bloody rooms), he's not fed the fish at all, four days worth of dishes (sat next to but not in the dishwasher) general rubbish e.g. Cardboard boxes food packet, let alone none any of the typically needed housework done. I could go on.

Sadly I'm not even exaggerating how much mess there is either, my university aged sister (who lives in typical student squalor with her friends) even thought it was too much when she came in after bribing me home. I didn't necessarily expect him to do what I usually do in terms of housework (although that would have been nice!) but just to keep on top of any new mess/dishes etc.

There was a risk I'd not be let out in between today and Friday when my section is due, so although I'm pleased I didn't have to bring a newborn into this (and probably more) mess, which would have upset me even more, I am disappointed that my partner was unable to look after himself and the house without me there in even a basic way. I am worried about what happens when I bring baby home now, and the lack of support I might get in terms of looking after the house/children etc... He's not the best at housework granted, but surely I shouldn't expect to have to come home to chaos?

So AIBU to be disappointed, and should I say something? Happy to be told I am and to keep quiet, I really don't fall out with him and waste energy I'm soon going to need!

If he can't be arsed to do it, then get him to ring around cleaning companies. Get him to do that.

When I'm away, my partner like to regress to feral living. He then has a massive tidy up before I get back. He does his usual chores essentially. Most recently he also took up the carpet. However if I were in hospital he'd a) not be on a stag do b) making the house nice so I could recuperate on my return.

Absolutely say something. Make it clear this is not acceptable and he needs to sort it out. You will be doing your job, which is keeping focused on your health.

Photograph it and SEND IT TO HIS MOTHER!!!!!

Can people stop mentioning his mother? This is part of the issue. It's not a woman's job to tell him to do chores. He's a bloody adult.

DH had DD and a full time job this week and I was away. The house was clean, tidy and DD was fed and happy. AND the fish was fed. I don't like housework and I would have done the same because you don't let your partner walk into a shit-pit because you can't be bothered. You just don't.

I suspect your DH does absolutely nothing ever. And will never change.

It shouldn't be a woman's job but, sadly, it usually is. Before we got hold of them, they all lived in caves!

I would bloody hope he's done it sometime in the past 6 weeks, anyhow

Housework isn't his forte

But being a skivvy is yours though?

If you treat your men-folk like precious snowflakes who need to be excused from essential life-work, then don't be surprised to see this level of self-centredness from them.

Sounds like my life, yet I'm the nag when I ask for help (at 8 months pregnant and still working full time)

I am not joking OP I would go ballistic and he would be out that door so quickly. I mean ballistic!!!

I'd ask him why. Just why - did he think cleaning up his mess would cheer you up? Did he think it would be restful or reassuring for you to realise he can't do the basic tasks involved in looking after his family home? Does he need to hire someone to show him how to clean? Will he call you to come home once he's got it all done? Is he planning on getting a cleaner during your post-birth recovery?
And then go to a friends/family/hotel.

Because it's not only disrespectful to you, or showing kids that they don't need to respect you - it's ridiculous that an adult man is so incapable and inconsiderate. Or does he need someone to help him with every single task and this is a drip feed where he's seriously disabled and his carer was unable to attend for an unusual reason?

Also- point out that you are days away from major surgery where you will not be physically able to tidy/clean for weeks (getting out of bed will be challenging enough for a week) so if he can't do these basic tasks, you will need to hire someone since he'll be dealing with visitors and toddlers and can't be coached on basic household tasks at the same time - or recover at parents if possible.

ZOMBIE THREAD - resurrected by another poster from August!

I would bluntly asking when he plans on tidying up after himself?

The clothes wouldn’t annoy me as much as he’s been popping in & out, but the dirty dishes just piling up? That’s vile.