To be upset by the state of my house after being in Hospital?

[candycandles]

So I'm pregnant, hormonal and three days away from a csection so fully prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable. But;

I have been in hospital since Thursday with pregnancy complications. I keep a relatively tidy house (not a overly tidy or neat freakish but I like to keep it tidy enough to not be embarrassed if someone we're to stop by unexpectedly) however am really genuinely upset that I've come home and found my partner has made no effort whatsoever tidy up after himself whilst I've been gone. We have two toddlers, who have actually stayed with grandparents or been at nursery whilst I've been away, so minimal need for mess from them and he was away at a stag do for the weekend/work/hospital with me so also not been here much. Somehow though there's clothes all over the floors (in all the bloody rooms), he's not fed the fish at all, four days worth of dishes (sat next to but not in the dishwasher) general rubbish e.g. Cardboard boxes food packet, let alone none any of the typically needed housework done. I could go on.

Sadly I'm not even exaggerating how much mess there is either, my university aged sister (who lives in typical student squalor with her friends) even thought it was too much when she came in after bribing me home. I didn't necessarily expect him to do what I usually do in terms of housework (although that would have been nice!) but just to keep on top of any new mess/dishes etc.

There was a risk I'd not be let out in between today and Friday when my section is due, so although I'm pleased I didn't have to bring a newborn into this (and probably more) mess, which would have upset me even more, I am disappointed that my partner was unable to look after himself and the house without me there in even a basic way. I am worried about what happens when I bring baby home now, and the lack of support I might get in terms of looking after the house/children etc... He's not the best at housework granted, but surely I shouldn't expect to have to come home to chaos?

So AIBU to be disappointed, and should I say something? Happy to be told I am and to keep quiet, I really don't fall out with him and waste energy I'm soon going to need!

I would definitely say something. You should be resting when you come out of hospital.

I had the same. I was gutted. I was hoping I'd walk into my tidy home and there might even be a bunch of flowers waiting for me.

Nah- dishes and washing.

Your partner is an absolute arse. Is he expecting to do nothing while you're looking after a newborn, too?! Was he like this with your first two?

I'd leave the whole lot where it is. How utterly lazy. There is literally no excuse that your man child DH can come up with to justify that.

Have a serious conversation with your DH about your need for support.

It would make me grumpy - sounds pretty grim, and not to even look after the fish is beyond lazy. How is he with the children you have already?

Tbh, I would just ask him who he thought was going to clear up all that mess and then get in the bath...

No you shouldn't come home to someone else's mess but did he know you were being discharged today? (Secretly hoping he was planning to have a mad tidying splurge before you got home and your discharge caught him unawares). I'd leave it for him to sort.

I'm sorry but, he went on a stag do while your in hospital with pregnancy complications? Then he has the fucking cheek to make that much of a mess for you to come home to?

What an arsehole, I'd be so so angry.

I would be pissed off.

Leave it there and then when he comes home tell him exactly how he's made you feel and what your worries are.

I assume he can't hold down a job as he is incapable of simple tasks, how frustrating.

Urm of course you should say something.

Do you usually tolerate such lazy behaviour? (I suspect the answer is that you just do the lions share of everything, so yes you do tolerate such laziness!)

I came home from 4 days away to having to cook for 5 at 7pm - because that is what I do but I am not pregnant and waiting for a section.

I think you need to have that conversation and spell out what needs doing.

I'm sorry. That is terrible and you need to say something. Now is the time for him to step up, not down.

I would be furious! He needs to send you to your parents' for the night and get elbow deep in the heat dishes and laundry, hell he needs to hire a professional cleaner to make the place sparkle! That should have been done for your coming home. Who the hell wants to come home from hospital to a tonne of cleaning. What a lazy bastard. I assume he does nothing when you are there normally? Time for that to change.

I'd turn around and walk right back out and text him that you are not coming home till he sorts it.

Tell him he is a lazy selfish arse.

Leave it for him to do, how can he manage a job when he cant even wash dishes or put his clothes somewhere (wash bag?)

Tell him its pathetic and to grow up he isnt in student digs, he is your partner, you have been ill and are due to have his baby, what kind of a state does he expect you to come home to? And post section you wont be up for running around after him so best tell him that now.

Where do these men get their ideas?

I am worried about what happens when I bring baby home now

Don't worry about what will happen. tell him what will happen!!

Do exactly what Cider suggests. Turn around, leave and don't come home again until it's sorted. Should be enough time for you to have a nice cup of tea in a Costa Coffee or similar.

He's an arsehole

I'm assuming your partner is a functional adult? Capable of independent thought and action.

If so, give it to him with both barrels. You should be resting ahead of major surgery, having grown an actual person in you. The absolute minimum he should have done is kept the house tidy and shoved the vac around.

This seems to be par for the course nowadays. Being equipped with a penis seems to preclude them from doing anything in the home to support the family. Often they don't think they have to lift a finger outside the home to bring home the bacon either.
What planet are they from?
Why do females settle for arse holes like this?

Definitely say something otherwise you will come back to the same after your section. I would be raging but would try to approach it calmly and from the perspective that you're disappointed and worried about support rather than just 'telling him off'.

So I assume you've told him to tidy up his bloody mess and are out having a coffee with your sister?

Damn spot on. Although I fear he probably is perfectly capable.

Yes do what cider says.
He should tidy the whole lot up ASAP.

Thank you! I'm pleased I'm not being hormonal about this!

In his defence on the stag do front, I pushed quite heavily for him to go, I knew the kids were going to be with the grandparents anyway that weekend and he was only 90mins away if I needed him to come home. It's more of an annoyance for me that even with him being away, the house somehow looks as awful as it does. He did know there was a good chance I'd be out today, so he did have plenty of warning.

He's usually amazing with the children and quite thoughtful, so whilst housework is not his forte naturally, and I didn't expect him to have kept the house to my standards, I was not expecting it to be this bad, if for no other reason he knows it would stress me out, and as I said, he is usually quite thoughtful. I'll try to have a word about it with him later, but pleased to see I am not completely over reacting (I'm very tired so it was always a possibility!)