To be upset by the state of my house after being in Hospital?

[candycandles]

So I'm pregnant, hormonal and three days away from a csection so fully prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable. But;

I have been in hospital since Thursday with pregnancy complications. I keep a relatively tidy house (not a overly tidy or neat freakish but I like to keep it tidy enough to not be embarrassed if someone we're to stop by unexpectedly) however am really genuinely upset that I've come home and found my partner has made no effort whatsoever tidy up after himself whilst I've been gone. We have two toddlers, who have actually stayed with grandparents or been at nursery whilst I've been away, so minimal need for mess from them and he was away at a stag do for the weekend/work/hospital with me so also not been here much. Somehow though there's clothes all over the floors (in all the bloody rooms), he's not fed the fish at all, four days worth of dishes (sat next to but not in the dishwasher) general rubbish e.g. Cardboard boxes food packet, let alone none any of the typically needed housework done. I could go on.

Sadly I'm not even exaggerating how much mess there is either, my university aged sister (who lives in typical student squalor with her friends) even thought it was too much when she came in after bribing me home. I didn't necessarily expect him to do what I usually do in terms of housework (although that would have been nice!) but just to keep on top of any new mess/dishes etc.

There was a risk I'd not be let out in between today and Friday when my section is due, so although I'm pleased I didn't have to bring a newborn into this (and probably more) mess, which would have upset me even more, I am disappointed that my partner was unable to look after himself and the house without me there in even a basic way. I am worried about what happens when I bring baby home now, and the lack of support I might get in terms of looking after the house/children etc... He's not the best at housework granted, but surely I shouldn't expect to have to come home to chaos?

So AIBU to be disappointed, and should I say something? Happy to be told I am and to keep quiet, I really don't fall out with him and waste energy I'm soon going to need!

YANBU, it's completely thoughtless and lazy of him. Go ape shit, sit yourself down and direct him from the sofa.
I'm 37 weeks currently and I'm very frustrated with the lack of thought my DH has towards house work, I don't actually expect him to clean much but just to leave things as he found them thus not making more work for me.

I'd be furious in your situation.

I'm so upset for you, what a wanker. What if you had unexpectedly gone into labour and had to bring the baby home to that. What a shithead. What does he expect to happen to the mess?

I hate it when women describe men as being great dads when they pull shit like this. What kind of person doesn't bother to pick their own clothes off the floor? A fucking lazy dick that's who.

Bloody hell, OP, I'd be livid. Just as well you've only got fish and not a dog as well, otherwise it sounds like you'd be coming home to piles of actual crap and a starving dog. There's no excuse for not even feeding the fish when he's clearly managed to feed himself.

I'd be having more than a "chat" about it. 😐

We have two toddlers

Well what was he like after the birth of each? Tidy, or not? If he can leave 4 days worth of dishes in the sink + (cruelly) not even feed the fishthen he is plain and simple nasty and lazy. But I suspect thats how he always was and you've been picking up after him, so you having yet another child with him won't change him. How do men like that get a wife, Id love to know. But anyway give him a piece of your mind theres not much else you can do is there?

What do you mean you will try and have a word?
What makes it so hard to actually have a word?
Hope you aren't tidying his shit up

What do you mean try to speak to him later?! What about instead you go mental and say you are not washing a dish or an item of clothing until all the mess is tidied and washed? Ask him if he thinks the fish should be got rid of. That's what he's telling you he thinks by his actions.

I'm assuming he must have reverted to old habits seeing as he's not even had to take care of the kids. Does he usually help out or is all the cleaning left for you? And how was he after your other children were born? Did he make an extra effort when you came home with flowers etc? Does he usually help you out with the kids and the house or whatever without being pushed and cajoled? You don't have to answer me but they'll help you shed light on how thoughtful he really is.

And if this isn't what he's usually like and he's more considerate of your feelings, then there is a possibility that all of that slipped his mind? In that case, what if you turn around and go out somewhere and grab a coffee or something? Message him that you'll be home in the next couple of hours? But don't mention that you've come home already. And then when you do come home, seeing as he's now had a heads up from you, he hopefully would have pulled out the stops for you. But, if despite all that, the house is in the same state, whether he's usually thoughtful doesn't matter, he has a lot of explaining to do. And I think you should sit down and talk to him about the dynamics of your relationship, especially with having three little ones so he will really have to step up.

Give him hell. Fecking slob. Either that or tell him you are getting a cleaner and he us picking up the bill.

I'd rake him over the coals. AND I'd give him a list of what I expected to be done when I got out after the baby comes.

I'd also enlist the help of his mother if that's possible in seeing shit gets done. I know my MiL would have torn my DH a new one if I'd come home to a mess. If nothing else, maybe she'll clean up after her son if he's that helpless.

I'd be so embarrassed and upset if my son did that to my lovely DiL.

Fucking hell I would go ape shit. When I was 8 months pregnant I was admitted too and my husband managed to care for the 2 year old, keep the house tidy, go to work and visit me because he is a fully functional adult. He was apologetic that he hasn't put all our clothes away but had done everything else.

I agree with others that your H needs a right talking to. However given you are lined up for a C Section this week I think it is in your best interests to stay calm. NOt sure why you were in hospital for the last few days. You and new baby are the most important just now so dont get yourself upset.
I know Grandparents are minding the other children. Would one of them or the student sister give you some help in the house so that you can feel comfortable. I dont think rattling the vac round is such a good idea for you just now.
Between now and when you get home from having baby I think you should make up a list of what housework H can do successfully and make him become proficient with housework.
Hopefully grandparents will be taking care of the other children when you are in hospital because H has to get the hang of housework asap.
If anyone offers help after baby is born accept it. Your H is not a natural housekeeper.
I dont know if you had C Sections before but it is so different from a natural birth and you will NOT be fit for rushing around cleaning house for a good while.
Good luck for Friday, and with trying to train H!

Years ago I was admitted as an emergency following a miscarriage. Left my XDH at home with three small children. Came home 48 hours later (during which he'd had his mum over to help with the house and kids) to find the plates from the dinner we'd been eating before I was admitted still on the table.

I remember hoovering and cleaning whilst crying, while he went for a lie down because he was so exhausted.

Just one of the reasons he's an ex. Be warned, OP. Unless it was a minor blip, he's just not seeing the mess (because it's your job?)

I came home with a newborn to something similar (had been on inpatient bed rest for most of my third trimester).

When I got home, the house just felt so dirty and messy (to be fair to DH, he had spent most of his spare time at the hospital with me, and the mess wasn't his stuff, it was mostly baby stuff that he just hadn't done anything with).

I burst into tears, and he rolled his sleeves up and deep cleaned everything over the next two days. Your DH needs to do the same.

Seriously, why do people put up with this kind of lazy, slobbish behaviour.

My Ex-H has been at mine this week looking after our DS. DS prefers to have his Dad here, so he has his stuff around him and his friends near.

Anyway, I got home from work yesterday to find cushions all over the floor in the lounge, along with remote controls, empty water bottles and a crisp packet. Dirty pots in the sink from lunch.

They were both told in no uncertain terms that they had 10 minutes to tidy up. It was neat and tidy when I got home today.

Poor you. Yanbu and he should sort it out now and learn a few new skills before baby arrives

Sweetheart my dh brought me and our New twins home tip and boys 8/9 who hadn't been washed since I went into labour.

They were all so excited and happy

I phoned a 'maids' cleaning company on our credit card and they were amazing.

Some people just don't see mess! Not just men I know lots of slob women too my loved sil.

Outsource it love

Sorry too many loves there

No, this isn't reasonable on your DHs part and has nothing to do with having a penis FFS. My partner doesn't share my above average level of desired neatness, but I'm 22 weeks along in a physically and emotionally difficult pregnancy and he does a lot of the picking up / cleaning up. I work 1/3 of the hours he does but this pregnancy's been hard so he does what needs to be done.
Where is your DHs empathy for how exhausted you must be? I'm so angry on your behalf!

Wow some women have such low expectations. There is no way he suddenly became this scummy yet you're on child number three and asking if you'd be unreasonable to have a word with him. If I'd come home to that and the children were out of earshot I'd turn the air blue at full volume. He'd be begging for forgiveness whilst putting on marigolds and getting started on a deep clean.

Bet your DH can't believe his luck he's met someone prepared to take this. Good luck, you're going to need it.

bet your dh can't believe his luck bet he just thinks that's what women do, it's never occurred to him his wife might expect him to pull his weight around the house or wash dishes while she is in hospital (I say or because that's not even beginning to pull his weight)

Ugh I remember turning my knickers inside out as a kid because my mum was in hospital and my dad "couldn't" use the washing machine. Grim. If DH did this he knows his life wouldn't be worth living

Did he clean up OP?

Please don't say you did. Please tell us you gave him a rocket up the backside and that he will never be so disrespectful again?

Housework isn't his forte??
Ha ha ha ha ha
It's not mine either I do it because I don't want to live in a pigsty
He's a pig

Bed sheets changed and washed.
Surfaces clean.
All rubbish put in the bins (and left out for collection)
All carpets and floors vacuumed.
Clean toilet and bath.
All clean clothes put away.
A huge bunch of flowers.
A full fridge freezer of food.

The basics. And if it takes him hours to do it, then so be it.

YANBU! However good luck with the little one and spend as much time as you need in hospital, being taken care off.