Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to have told junior colleague she was being ridiculous?

115 replies

Purplemac · 15/08/2017 12:16

She is driving me crazy!

Sweet young lady, only 18 and has been with us for about 9 months now. However as time has passed she has gotten more and more irritating. I was on her interview panel, she is intelligent and has some great A Level results etc but she really plays on the "pretty and dumb" thing to the extent where if you had a conversation with her you wouldn't think she had an education at all. Examples include asking me if potatoes had meat in them Hmm (not a specific potato dish, just an actual potato), and asking if bacon comes from a pig.

The latest is she has suddenly developed an aversion to flies. Whenever there is a fly in the office, she jumps up from her desk, shouts "A BEE, A BEE" (and I mean really shouts), darts across the room, and refuses to calm down. We have explained to her that no, it is not a bee, it is a fly and it is harmless. "NO no it's a bee, it was buzzing". Yes, but it's still a fly.

She has lived in the UK her whole life, I really don't think this is the first time she has encountered a bloody fly Hmm and I can't imagine she would have jumped up from her desk and darted across the room when she was at a private school. It has happened every day now for about a week and today I have snapped at her and told her she is being ridiculous and to calm down, it is not appropriate for her to make such a scene. She spent about an hour sulking and not saying a word, and then had a catch up with her line manager (who sits in a different office and who is also junior to me) and has complained that I am picking on her!!

She won't make a formal complaint as my manager, who is the head of the office, was sat right infront of me the whole time and witnessed it, and knows that I am not picking on her I am just increasingly irritated by her behaviour, as is everyone else in the office.

WIBU to have told her she was being ridiculous? I have told her every time this has happened over the past week that there is nothing to worry about, the fly won't hurt her etc etc so I have tried to be sensitive in my handling of the situation but I am fed up of having to treat her like a child when she is an adult!!

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 15/08/2017 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 15/08/2017 14:10

Ok fair dos. From now on you should ignore her. She does sound like a pain in the arse.

Original poster
Purplemac · 15/08/2017 14:11

You can't just assume responsibility for telling someone else their job, or that they aren't meeting the expectations of their job. Imagine one of your Civil Service colleagues did that to you!

I completely get this, but as I said I am part of the management team, and although she doesn't officially report to me, her current role whilst in our office is to support me and my manager. It seems a bit messy when I put it down like that, but basically the work she is doing is work I am leading on and she is assisting on. So I am not completely removed from her in that respect. But I take your advice, and will suggest that in the absence of her manager, my manager has a word with her instead (which would be her manager's manager's manager).

OP posts:
Greyponcho · 15/08/2017 14:12

she was originally sat in a different office, and was brought into our office as extra support about two months ago (hence why her line manager works in a different office).
her old line manager was driven batshit crazy by her so offloaded her to us mugs to suffer her instead

PoppyPopcorn · 15/08/2017 14:13

In that case perhaps you can turn it into a development opportunity for her

Jeezo. Having to sit an ADULT down and explain why shrieking and flapping around an office because of a fly is ridiculous. Managers and colleagues should not be expected to have to "teach" this sort of common sense to anyone, whatever their age, whatever their sex. OP is totally spot on - her bahaviour is immature, ridiculous and completely unprofessional. OP and her colleagues are not a nursery school and are not there to hand hold and coddle this delicate little flower until she grows up - they have a job to do.

Get rid. And recruit someone who knows how to behave in an office setting./

5rivers7hills · 15/08/2017 14:14

Her line manager needs to tell her what is appropriate behaviour in the office environment.

Pengggwn · 15/08/2017 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Huffletuff · 15/08/2017 14:18

YWNBU - that is very inappropriate behaviour in a professional role. I used to work with someone very similar only that she was nearly 30. She'd run to the owner of the company in floods of tears every time there was a slight issue (including the time I finally blew and told her to get a grip) and he indulged her at the beginning but she was dismissed eventually for under performance.

Seeingadistance · 15/08/2017 14:21

You have my sympathy. Recently, my working day has been disrupted by not one, but two individuals who squeak out loud, leap up and run about whenever they see a fly. They don't care how much of a nuisance they're being and have sent paperwork flying and a few items have even been knocked to the floor and broken.

Our situations do differ in a couple of respects though. I work from home, and the two individuals who disrupt my workspace whenever a fly appears are kittens.

forcryinoutloud · 15/08/2017 14:21

Difficult one. She sounds like a very immature 18 year old. One of the managers needs to take her to one side about the disruptive behaviour and put a stop to it, in a nutshell it's unprofessional and disrupting her work colleagues. If she really does have some sort of fly/bee/buzzing creature phobia (which is possible) this also needs discussing a tad sympathetically (but also being clear that she still needs to see the impact her shouting/hysterics can have on colleagues) and she needs to seek prof help for it. She needs to think about the implications of her actions.

Sprinklestar · 15/08/2017 14:21

Exactly Poppy. It's just laughable!

Original poster
Purplemac · 15/08/2017 14:21

That's what I would do, OP, unless I was confident that I had managerial authority over her. It's just to cover your own back, really.

Thanks, I really do appreciate it. It's hard to take a step back when she is literally sat right next to me and behaving so oddly and unprofessionally, especially since there is no one in her line management chain here to deal with it except for my manager (who would be inclined to say "yes it's annoying but let her manager deal with it next week when he's back). But I'll tell him he has to deal with it now before I go crazy!

Luckily I'm on a half day today so have already left the office, but just before I left and was briefing my manager on something that was likely to come up this afternoon, she felt the need to tell me that "apparently it gets really hot in Dubai in the summer".

OP posts:
AndTodayIAm · 15/08/2017 14:22

She sounds annoying. I'd be tempted to bring a jar of jam into the office....

🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

nocampinghere · 15/08/2017 14:27

maybe she knows she's about to be shown the door and has had some advice to try and be "picked on" or dealt with inappropriately and she's just playing you all?

dutchyoriginal · 15/08/2017 14:28

Is it really bad I snorted at "Dubai gets hot in the summer"?

Sorry, feel your pain. Do get your manager to have a (strong) word with her!

mikeyssister · 15/08/2017 14:28

So basically no excuses.

Is she known as Princess at all??

Pengggwn · 15/08/2017 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sashkin · 15/08/2017 14:30

I wouldn't waste my time taking her for coffee to explain she is being unprofessional. She knows very well that she is, she just thinks she should be fused over anyway because she's just so young and adorable!

If you sat her down and told her it was unacceptable, I think you'd be met with some variation on "Oh I'm just tho thick!" (Eyelash flutter) "Thilly lickle me!"

And then you'd have to drown her in her own latte.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 15/08/2017 14:30

I think I'll take her for a coffee tomorrow (she doesn't drink coffee, only lattes - yes, she has specifically this)
Well, ok, but probably best to not get muffins. The crumbs.

Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 14:30

maybe she knows she's about to be shown the door and has had some advice to try and be "picked on" or dealt with inappropriately and she's just playing you all?

Possibly. Or she is hoping to blame bullying for her poor performance.

Original poster
Purplemac · 15/08/2017 14:32

I am (sometimes) quite keen on her chatting, to be honest. I try not to engage too much because it will lead to 15 minute long conversations about absolutely nothing, but at least once or twice a day she will pull a random observation, such as the Dubai one, out of thin air and I find it quite amusing and even endearing. Which is how I think she hooked us in in the first place! But she just doesn't even seem to have any focus.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplemac · 15/08/2017 14:36

And then you'd have to drown her in her own latte.

I doubt she would mind if I drowned her in her own latte - if I drown her in coffee, on the other hand, she might have something to say about it Hmm

(BTW yes I explained to her that latte was coffee - all I got was "NO WAY, NOOOOO WAY" which is her general response to being told anything. For example that my manager has a young daughter "NOOOOO WAY!!" and that I had a spicy curry for lunch "NOOO WAY!!!!")

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 15/08/2017 14:51

I wouldn't be able to cope with that. I left a job once because the pother woman in the office spoke in a baby voice, constantly. She was late 40's too.

Have a word with everyone else in your space and tell them all to ignore it/not rise to any of it and next time she jumps up shrieking, and no one tries to console her, see what she does. Just out of interest.

KickAssAngel · 15/08/2017 15:02

I bet she was a "little miss popular" type at school and had a crowd of friends and boyfriends who just loved her and thought she was adorable & vulnerable and they just wanted to help her.

I know that sounds cynical, but I have taught many of these. Perfectly intelligent, pleasant girls/women who rely so heavily on the 'dumb blonde' stereotype that they just can't get themselves out of it, and don't see when it's time to grow up.

If she has parents with money (you say she went to private school) then she just needs to last long enough to get a wealthy merchant banker/civil servant type and then she'll do latte/lunches and have a big strong man to protect her and provide.

Topseyt · 15/08/2017 15:02

She sounds very irritating, and is clueless about appropriate behaviour in a work situation.

I don't think you did anything unreasonable.

I would almost be tempted to ask her why she acts so daft when her education suggests that she clearly isn't. It means that she is putting herself across as rather an airhead.

She would drive me insane. We have had the odd bee in our office, which is a large converted barn. I am not keen on them indoors but I don't react as she does. I waft them out of the window.

We recently had to have a hornets nest dealt with on the premises (though thankfully they stayed mostly outside). Whatever would she have made of that?