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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to have told junior colleague she was being ridiculous?

115 replies

Purplemac · 15/08/2017 12:16

She is driving me crazy!

Sweet young lady, only 18 and has been with us for about 9 months now. However as time has passed she has gotten more and more irritating. I was on her interview panel, she is intelligent and has some great A Level results etc but she really plays on the "pretty and dumb" thing to the extent where if you had a conversation with her you wouldn't think she had an education at all. Examples include asking me if potatoes had meat in them Hmm (not a specific potato dish, just an actual potato), and asking if bacon comes from a pig.

The latest is she has suddenly developed an aversion to flies. Whenever there is a fly in the office, she jumps up from her desk, shouts "A BEE, A BEE" (and I mean really shouts), darts across the room, and refuses to calm down. We have explained to her that no, it is not a bee, it is a fly and it is harmless. "NO no it's a bee, it was buzzing". Yes, but it's still a fly.

She has lived in the UK her whole life, I really don't think this is the first time she has encountered a bloody fly Hmm and I can't imagine she would have jumped up from her desk and darted across the room when she was at a private school. It has happened every day now for about a week and today I have snapped at her and told her she is being ridiculous and to calm down, it is not appropriate for her to make such a scene. She spent about an hour sulking and not saying a word, and then had a catch up with her line manager (who sits in a different office and who is also junior to me) and has complained that I am picking on her!!

She won't make a formal complaint as my manager, who is the head of the office, was sat right infront of me the whole time and witnessed it, and knows that I am not picking on her I am just increasingly irritated by her behaviour, as is everyone else in the office.

WIBU to have told her she was being ridiculous? I have told her every time this has happened over the past week that there is nothing to worry about, the fly won't hurt her etc etc so I have tried to be sensitive in my handling of the situation but I am fed up of having to treat her like a child when she is an adult!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplemac · 15/08/2017 13:33

Well, you have said you would but I am really not sure that's true.

Believe what you want but is is true, I work with her and two men in their early 50s. I would have said exactly the same if either of them had done it - and I would have said something a lot sooner too.

"Just out of school" or not, you're not her manager so it's not your job to change her behaviour.

I see - so when the person who has taken over her line management is on annual leave she should just be left to behave however she wants? I am part of the management team for our unit, along with her manager and my manager, so I do have some authority.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplemac · 15/08/2017 13:38

She has just interrupted a conversation with my manager about a report we are writing to ask "What do you think about the surname McLean? I think it's a cool surname".

I am so done!

Just to clarify as well that when I say she has made a complaint, I mean she has cried to her actual line manager (actually cried not just me taking the piss) about it - she has not made a formal complaint at all. Her line manager asked me what had happened and I explained - she just said "Wow that's a bit over the top for a fly?" and has left it at that. She will be out of the organisation by the end of August so is not inclined to really do anything about anything.

OP posts:
mumonashoestring · 15/08/2017 13:38

I am part of the management team for our unit, along with her manager and my manager, so I do have some authority

In that case perhaps you can turn it into a development opportunity for her (and prove that you're not picking on her) by sitting her down in a meeting room/private office over a cup of tea and explaining to her that you're honestly not picking on her by expecting her to conduct herself in a professional manner whilst at work. Professional conduct is something she will be judged on in every job she has from now until the day she retires. That means (and I fully expect you to find more diplomatic ways of explaining this Grin ) not acting like a tit because there's a fly in the office, taking responsibility for the work you've agreed to do by accepting your job, being a productive member of your team/workplace (not the irritating gobshite that everyone manages to work in spite of rather than with)...

mumonashoestring · 15/08/2017 13:39

Just read your latest post - forget it, keep your head down and pretend she's a pot plant Grin

Original poster
Purplemac · 15/08/2017 13:42

Just read your latest post - forget it, keep your head down and pretend she's a pot plant

Brilliant Grin but actually I must say that your previous post was probably the most helpful response I've had. I think I'll take her for a coffee tomorrow (she doesn't drink coffee, only lattes - yes, she has specifically this) and explain to her that I'm very sorry if she felt I was picking on her but there are expectations about behaviours in the work place and see if I can support her in developing the correct behaviours.

OP posts:
Lancelottie · 15/08/2017 13:42

I completely misread the phrase 'A lot of 18 year olds have been cooked'.

Mind you, this one sounds half-baked.

Pantryboy · 15/08/2017 13:42

Purplemac be extremely careful what you say to her , she sounds big trouble to me . I think I hate her on your behalf she is so irritating even reading about her antics.

lougle · 15/08/2017 13:43

How about giving her positive attention when she isn't behaving like this? She may just need to interact more than she is, and finding inappropriate ways to achieve it.

StormTreader · 15/08/2017 13:45

Is this her first job? School is a very social and pretty informal environment, I wouldnt be surprised if she is finding the lack of attention and constant feedback difficult. Not to excuse it but things are easier to address if you know the underlying reason.

Original poster
Purplemac · 15/08/2017 13:47

How about giving her positive attention when she isn't behaving like this? She may just need to interact more than she is, and finding inappropriate ways to achieve it.

I honestly really appreciate the advice but that is exactly what someone might say to the parent of a mischievous toddler - I shouldn't have to give an adult positive attention for good behaviour, or entertain her because she needs to interact more. She needs to adapt to her place of work or find somewhere else to work, she cannot expect her colleagues to pander to her attention seeking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplemac · 15/08/2017 13:51

Is this her first job? School is a very social and pretty informal environment, I wouldnt be surprised if she is finding the lack of attention and constant feedback difficult

It is her first full-time job, but according to her CV she has been working part-time in offices for quite a while whilst completing her GCSEs and AS Levels. She has also been her for 9 months so even if she was struggling a bit to start with, which is completely understandable, I would have expected her to have settled down a bit now.

OP posts:
Greyponcho · 15/08/2017 13:52

Hmm, if she's playing dumb, give her a response that makes her question her own question:
AC (annoying colleague) "Does a potato contain meat?"
OP "what part of an animal does a potato come from?"

AC "don't you think McLaren is a cool surname?"
OP "is that one of our clients/author of the document you're working on/name of finance you're sending your stats to?"

TBH, seems like she has no idea how to conduct herself professionally.

Is she bored?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 15/08/2017 13:53

Did anyone sit her down at the start of her employment to run through what was expected of her? Does she report to you or someone else? If it's you, perhaps you could have a quiet word --that could be plausibly denied if it ever came to it- suggesting that she is employed in a very important role but her work and behaviour don't reflect this. She is not behaving in a professional manner in align with the role that she was hired for. She is only to interrupt a discussion that you may be involved in if it is work related. Nothing else will be accepted from now on. If she reports to someone else, you could suggest that it might be a good time to have a probationary meeting to give feedback on her performance thus far.
Either way, you must not leave yourself open to any misinterpretation of the events or provide any reasons why this employee could take an unfair dismissal claim.

mikeyssister · 15/08/2017 13:53

DD is 14 and has acute hearing sensitivities. If a fly comes into the room she leaves until it's gone. If she's surprised by one she might jump and let out a little noise but immediately apologies and leaves the scene.

This is extremely immature behaviour and it would wreck my head. DD wrecks my head and she can't help it.

MissionItsPossible · 15/08/2017 13:54

Next time a fly comes in and she starts shrieking that she's scared of bees, discreetly jab her with a pin. If she tries to make a complaint against you, insist that the bee must have stung her.

mikeyssister · 15/08/2017 13:55

If, in the 9 months, nobody has corrected her behaviour she may honestly not realise it's unacceptable.

Sprinklestar · 15/08/2017 13:56

Why all the posts saying pander to her? She's only young etc... What a load of old bollocks. She sounds pathetic and not at all suited to any decent working environment. It's not rocket science to think that if you're unsure about how to behave in a new environment, you do your best to fit in with the behaviour of those around you. None of what she's doing would have flown in any professional environment I've ever worked in. She'd have been laughed out of the office quick smart!

Original poster
Purplemac · 15/08/2017 14:01

mikeyssister she was originally sat in a different office, and was brought into our office as extra support about two months ago (hence why her line manager works in a different office). Our expectations of her were very clearly set out and she has been pulled up on her behaviour on a few occasions and usually cries. Since none of the behaviour is bad enough for a formal disciplinary, there's not really much else we can do about it.

She will absolutely not take up an unfair dismissal claim as we really cannot sack her for her behaviours (Civil Service, notoriously difficult for getting rid of people!). The reason her manager is looking into ending her contract early is purely down to poor performance on some contractual milestones that are not being met.

OP posts:
Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 14:02

Exactly sprinkle pandering only makes people think their behaviour will be accepted.

KurriKurri · 15/08/2017 14:02

I agree with Sprinklestar. She is an adult in a working environment. Others should not have to spend their time trying to sort out ridiculous childish unprofessional behaviour.
All the ideas of praise her when she is being sensible that's how you deal with five year olds in a classroom. If someone wants to be with the grown ups then they have to act like a grown up and not expect special treatment.

Someone said would you treat her with irritation if she was older - if someone older was shrieking at flies and disrupting everyone's work then yes I would expect his/her colleagues to be irritated and say something.

pictish · 15/08/2017 14:03

I'm not suggesting pandering to her...I'm suggesting OP keep her own temper and behaviour in check in the interests of self preservation.

pictish · 15/08/2017 14:03

I'm not suggesting pandering to her...I'm suggesting OP keep her own temper and behaviour in check in the interests of self preservation.

pictish · 15/08/2017 14:04

Twice apparently. Sorry.

Pengggwn · 15/08/2017 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Purplemac · 15/08/2017 14:07

Twice apparently. Sorry.

Ok point made Wink

I probably didn't word it very well when I said that I snapped - I meant that I had had enough, not that I lost my temper. I didn't at all. I said to her very calmly "It's just a fly, come on now you are being ridiculous". No raised voices, no temper, just exhaustion at having to deal with this all the time! I don't have a problem with my temper. My line manager (the office manager) witnessed the whole thing. He didn't even bat an eyelid at what I said because it really wasn't uncalled for in the situation. If I had lost my temper, he would have at least sneakily messaged me from across the room asking if I was ok/telling me I was over the top.

OP posts:
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