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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to have told junior colleague she was being ridiculous?

115 replies

Purplemac · 15/08/2017 12:16

She is driving me crazy!

Sweet young lady, only 18 and has been with us for about 9 months now. However as time has passed she has gotten more and more irritating. I was on her interview panel, she is intelligent and has some great A Level results etc but she really plays on the "pretty and dumb" thing to the extent where if you had a conversation with her you wouldn't think she had an education at all. Examples include asking me if potatoes had meat in them (not a specific potato dish, just an actual potato), and asking if bacon comes from a pig.

The latest is she has suddenly developed an aversion to flies. Whenever there is a fly in the office, she jumps up from her desk, shouts "A BEE, A BEE" (and I mean really shouts), darts across the room, and refuses to calm down. We have explained to her that no, it is not a bee, it is a fly and it is harmless. "NO no it's a bee, it was buzzing". Yes, but it's still a fly.

She has lived in the UK her whole life, I really don't think this is the first time she has encountered a bloody fly and I can't imagine she would have jumped up from her desk and darted across the room when she was at a private school. It has happened every day now for about a week and today I have snapped at her and told her she is being ridiculous and to calm down, it is not appropriate for her to make such a scene. She spent about an hour sulking and not saying a word, and then had a catch up with her line manager (who sits in a different office and who is also junior to me) and has complained that I am picking on her!!

She won't make a formal complaint as my manager, who is the head of the office, was sat right infront of me the whole time and witnessed it, and knows that I am not picking on her I am just increasingly irritated by her behaviour, as is everyone else in the office.

WIBU to have told her she was being ridiculous? I have told her every time this has happened over the past week that there is nothing to worry about, the fly won't hurt her etc etc so I have tried to be sensitive in my handling of the situation but I am fed up of having to treat her like a child when she is an adult!!

OP posts:

Questioningeverything · 15/08/2017 12:42

Nope. Sorry, disagree that you dealt with it badly.

I'd have snapped far sooner. I'd have told her to grow up and stop acting like a bloody child. It's distracting you from your work and others too, she needed telling.
What I don't get, is why your manager who's seen it happen didn't say something to her beforehand. She's clearly being a prat, your manager shouldn't have left it to get this far.

pictish · 15/08/2017 12:44

"I'd have told her to grow up and stop acting like a bloody child."

And you've have ended up with a complaint made against you which would be upheld.

MargaretTwatyer · 15/08/2017 12:46

It does sound like you might be picking on her a bit actually. If she genuinely does have a phobia of bees then anything flying might set her off. And a lot of 18 year olds have been cooked for all their lives and really don't know much about food. It's irritating at times, but you do seem to be overdoing it a bit with the irritation. Whatever she's doing isn't really affecting you negatively or making your job harder so is it such a big deal?

You also seem to be a bit condescending towards her precisely because she is young and female. If a senior manager acted in a way which indicated that they had a phobia, would you really tell them they were ridiculous?

Questioningeverything · 15/08/2017 12:48

Probably pictish, but I have no patience for people like that.

EssentialHummus · 15/08/2017 12:48

ou really need to tell her line manager that she maybe needs some coaching/support in how to behave in an adult (working) environment. She sounds like a silly child, and if her behaviour is tolerated or indulged will assume it's acceptable.

Agreed. Even smart people (and I'm not sure she is one) can need clear guidance on adapting to the workplace.

Original poster

Purplemac · 15/08/2017 12:49

Her line manager is aware and has done nothing to help - she herself is under performance management. Her countersigning manager, who has in effect taken over her management, is on leave this week but is also aware of her behaviour and is more irritated by it than I am. He is looking into solutions which may include ending her contract early (she is also underperforming significantly).

I understand that it's not nice to be scolded at work, and to be told you are being ridiculous, but it wasn't said in a very firm way, and I honestly can't think of how else I could have handled it to make her stop. Because she WAS being ridiculous and I have sugarcoated it for so long and she kept doing it. Three or four times a day for a week is a lot to be running around shrieking because of a bloody fly.

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 15/08/2017 12:49

In terms of the inane questions, you may not want to ignore her as she may feel ostracised I suggest the asking "what do you think?". That way you are engaging with her but refusing to do her thinking for her. I sat by a new member of staff for several months who was trying to offload all her thinking on to me "should I ring X" "What do you think?" "Can I skip this training?" "What do you think?"

waitforitfdear · 15/08/2017 12:50

God what a pain.

Think I would go for the ignore too and yawn. No attention at all.,

pictish · 15/08/2017 12:50

Questioning in a work situation you don't really get a choice.

NellieBuff · 15/08/2017 12:51

Auspiciouspanda and others. The OP did not name call the young lady but commented on her behaviour - totally different thing. And the young lady's behaviour was extreme and unnecessary. It was a one off comment about extreme behaviour and would not constitute bullying or harassment.

Now if the OP were to continue in this vein then that would be a different story.

OP: perhaps you should mention to your Line Manager that her behaviour is affecting you and that she should talk to her Line Manager about sorting it out.

NellieBuff · 15/08/2017 12:52

Sorry X post

YouTheCat · 15/08/2017 12:55

If she's annoying and not doing her job very well, then I'd get rid at the earliest opportunity.

There are plenty of people her age who won't act like precious princesses, and who work hard.

waitforitfdear · 15/08/2017 12:56

God what a pain.

Think I would go for the ignore too and yawn. No attention at all.,

Jaxhog · 15/08/2017 12:56

Instead of allowing her to irritate you into shouting, why not try something else? If she wants to behave like small child, treat her like one. She's attention seeking and sulking like a toddler, and you know how they are best dealt with...

I'd just roll my eyes and ignore her.

Original poster

Purplemac · 15/08/2017 12:57

She's clearly being a prat, your manager shouldn't have left it to get this far.

He's been very much charmed by her behaviour up until he returned from his annual leave this week and we (me and her manager) informed him if just how unprofessional she is being and how significantly she is underperforming. He's not great at confrontation, and is also quite senior so he very much stays out of these situations and leaves it for the line manager to deal with.

She doesn't have a phobia of bees. She has told us before on many occasions that she considers herself quite fearless and that the only thing she has a phobia of is crumbs. Her behaviour is not harmless, it is over the top and distracting in a very small office of 5 people working for a Minister. She has done this (shrieking and all) whilst our boss has had meetings in the next room - with an adjoining door - with other very senior government officials.

This has nothing to do with her being a female (apart from where I mentioned that she plays on being "pretty and dumb", because that is true and I have seen her switch from intelligent conversations to absolutely idiocy as soon as male colleagues walk into the office), her age I only mentioned because it demonstrates that she is just out of school and so clearly hasn't had much experience in a working environment. This behaviour would be just as irritating from a 50 year old male - and if my 50 year old male colleague had done the same then yes, I would have told him he was being ridiculous.

OP posts:

KatyBerry · 15/08/2017 13:00

(who's she shagging?)

Pantryboy · 15/08/2017 13:11

transfer her or verbal warning and I mean it, she is increasingly becoming a diversion and interrupting the work flow of the office imho she is very unprofessional and should know better.

AngelaTwerkel · 15/08/2017 13:13

She's afraid of crumbs? More than flies?

She sounds very trying and unprofessional and I'd have a very short fuse working in a small office with someone like this.

liverbird10 · 15/08/2017 13:14

She sounds like a halfwit.

KurriKurri · 15/08/2017 13:16

And a lot of 18 year olds have been cooked for all their lives and really don't know much about food.

You don't need to have cooked a potato to know it doesn't have meat in it, just eaten one. (or observed that potatoes grow in the ground and are a vegetable - something normally well covered in primary/nursery school) This isn't ignorance IMO it is attention seeking 'look at me, I'm endearingly thick'.

Very irritating behaviour.

And who the fuck has a phobia of crumbs? (as opposed to just not being keen on crumbs and brushing them away). That's bollocks.

Original poster

Purplemac · 15/08/2017 13:21

Exactly this. My 5 year old brother could tell you that a potato was a vegetable. My 7 year old DSD could tell you that bacon comes from a pig. It's not exactly an exotic food and I would expect any adult without LDs to know this.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 15/08/2017 13:25

She's copying the Women on Geordie Shore/Towie and that type, who are on Big Brother/LI etc. Unfortunately in that World, intelligent Women are got rid of and the Women who behave in a way "that charm the men", get ahead.

Seeming as you have had a complaint made against you, you need to get your boss to act. If he can't handle confrontation about appropriate behaviour, he shouldn't be a Manager.

You need a meeting with him and he needs to act.

Don't engage with her, just be polite and professional.

Ignoring these people doesn't work, they carry on and change tactics.

It isn't right that she gets away with this because the boss thinks she's pretty, it means you and the other Women aren't valued on your work merits.

Pengggwn · 15/08/2017 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EBearhug · 15/08/2017 13:27

I am puzzled by the phobia of crumbs, which is not a common one. I suppose if she thinks crumbs attract flies, there could be a link there.

I would have sent her a link (or links) to some entomological site(s), so she could educate herself about different types if insects and realise not to make a fuss. (My colleagues would quickly tell you I can be a bit annoying like this. They don't appreciate my efforts to expand their knowledge of the world around us.)

Pengggwn · 15/08/2017 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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