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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son and nursery

78 replies

Letstryagainshallwe · 15/08/2017 10:35

My ds is due to start nursery in September and I'm not really happy with it tbh. I only agreed as I have two older kids in school and whenever I drop them the staff would constantly and I mean constantly ask me about sending my son to nursery. Even when I agreed I would constantly get asked if I've filled the forms in yet. One lady was asking me every time she saw me even though I had kept saying no I hadn't had the chance. Anyway they are going to do a home visit soon?? Is this standard win nursery (as I don't know any one who has had this) and tbh it feels like just a chance to look around my home. Not sure why else they would need to do a home visit? Anyway aibu in not really wanting him to go??

OP posts:
dontquotemeondailymail · 15/08/2017 10:46

How old is your son?

By all means send him if it's fit childcare, or for developmental needs etc, but otherwise you don't -have- to send him. The people at the nursery have probably just assumed he'll be going but you can say no, not yet!

Mammyloveswine · 15/08/2017 10:48

I'm a nursery teacher, please don't panic! Home visits are pretty standard, it gives us a chance to meet the child in a comfortable environment for them and allows us to discuss any needs or issues that may arise. Chances are the teacher will only stay in your living room for about 5 mins! If it's a nice day and you're sat in the garden the teacher will join you there!

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 15/08/2017 10:49

It's not the people at the nursery who keep going on it's my daughters and sons teachers. They literally asked me every time they see me that I just agreed in the end. Oh he was 3 in March.

OP posts:
Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 15/08/2017 10:50

My home is not done up that nice as I don't really have a lot of money so I have no carpet on the stairs for example and worried I will be judged for that.

OP posts:
Redredredrose · 15/08/2017 10:52

Is it because he's entitled to his free hours at nursery now he's turned three? I assume they're just expceting you to take this up. If you're a SAHM and you love having him with you 100% of the time, just say "No, thanks, he's not going to nursery this year."

Decaffstilltastesweird · 15/08/2017 10:55

I think most nurseries do this. They really don't care how nice your house is done up! They just want your DS to be introduced to them somewhere he is comfortable I think. I'd just had a play date on the day we had dd's home visit and there were toys all over the floor. They said they were pleased to see it a little bit untidy.

LIZS · 15/08/2017 10:56

You don't have to send him but I wonder of there is more to your circumstances which might make the staff feel it could be beneficial for your youngest to go. They won't do more than come in for a chat, not survey your home.

KittysMyName · 15/08/2017 10:57

Sorry, you're sending your child o nursery, which you don't want to do just because some teachers are telling you too? He's your child, you make the decisions for him. Just tell them you don't want him to go yet.

SaucyJack · 15/08/2017 10:57

Why don't you want him to go?

He's exactly the same age as my DD, and she loves her pre-school.

Seems a bit selfish to stop him going unless there's a very good reason if you want my honest opinion.

Excited101 · 15/08/2017 10:58

Doing it because you keep getting asked is crazy!! If you don't want him to go then just don't send him- I really don't get why you would.

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 15/08/2017 10:59

I'm single with 4 so i think it's that. As they keep saying it will give me a break and stuff. But I just feel pressured into it. I tried to explain to one of them teachers that it will mean I have to walk to the school and back 6 times in a day and the school is about 20 minute walk so don't really fancy going back and forth 6 times but she didn't seem to get what I was saying.

OP posts:
Alpacaandgo · 15/08/2017 11:00

Nursery visits are pretty standard round here but totally ridiculous IMO. My child would have been perfectly fine to have come into the classroom where they will be going to nursery and meet the teacher there. I really don't get how meeting them for 10 minutes at home is better than that.

I think its an excuse to see the childs house and what environment they live in, which totally judges the child before they've even started.

My dd is moving to reception in sept and we have another bloody visit for that. She hasn't even seen the classroom/school which would have been much better i'd have thought. Massive inconvenience (I work full time) so have to get time off, collect dd from childminder for this poxy 5 or 10 minute visit. Then return her to childminder afterwards.

Bloody ridiculous.

(I have a nice home by the way, but still feel like i'm being totally judged, if it were the slightest bit messy on the day)

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 15/08/2017 11:00

It's selfish to not send a child to nursery? Lots of children don't go especially if the mum isn't working.

OP posts:
Alpacaandgo · 15/08/2017 11:01

And if you don't want him to go, don't feel pressured into it. I think compulsary school age is 5, so they dont have to go until then

BrutusMcDogface · 15/08/2017 11:05

Please don't feel that you have to send him if you don't want to!

GahBuggerit · 15/08/2017 11:05

There have been a few threads on this subject and quite a few teachers always admit that it is partly to have a bit of a nosey at the home environment and that judgements are formed sadly. A friend of a friend is a TA and has also told me this when she was pissed when the subject came up. You will be judged unfortunately.

I refused the home visit initially for your reasons but then I backed down when I thought it would be nice for DS to meet his new teacher in his own home. My home is quite lovely if I say so myself but Im still embarrassed by it Sad

The one that came to me did try to orchestrate a look upstairs ("DS is your bedroom lovely, I bet it is with lots of nice things we can play with" Hmm) and tried to follow me into the kitchen when I made drinks so obviously I put a stop to any of that!

you sound like you dont want him to go to nursery anyway? Refuse the home visit if its just that thats causing you to feel uneasy (or say "home visit isnt possible but we can meet at X cafe" - wont be a problem if its just to meet with your DS and get to know him after all) othwerwise No is a complete sentence, just tel them youve changed your mind so they can give the place to someone else.

ElizabethShaw · 15/08/2017 11:10

Almost all children take up the free hours, something like 98%.

If you don't want a standard home visit you can decline it or ask for a getting to know you meeting at school instead.

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 15/08/2017 11:11

Tbh I was expecting they would want to look at his room aswell! To which he doesn't have one as he is still in my bed! That will certainly be judged. My home is clean and tidy but just don't have the best stuff as I'm single on benefits so it's not really 'done up'

OP posts:
hibbledobble · 15/08/2017 11:13

You don't need to agree to a home visit, though personally I would do as it is a nice introduction and a chance for you to ask questions.

We had a home visit before starting school, it is fairly standard. I saw no reason to refuse it, but I know another parent who did because she was moving house, so it couldn't be practically managed. They did a meeting for them in the classroom at school instead.

LIZS · 15/08/2017 11:13

Do you have to come home during the nursery hours or between pick ups! Is there somewhere closer you could go to avoid the walk? Why 6 times a day?

ElizabethShaw · 15/08/2017 11:15

I've done lots of home visits and never looked in a bedroom.

Occasionally there are safeguarding concerns that come from visits (eg. drug paraphernalia on the coffee table, parent is drunk and aggressive at 10am) but 99% are just 10 minute visits to chat about the child and starting school.

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 15/08/2017 11:16

I will has to drop my kids in the morning. Come home. Drop him in the afternoon. Come home. Go to pick them all up. Then come home. And just to point out how constant there asking is. When I was in hospital having my baby my mum was doing the school run and she said they had even asked her if my son was going to nursery there. She told them she doesn't think so. Yet they still asked me again when I came back.

OP posts:
GahBuggerit · 15/08/2017 11:18

If you want him to go to the nursery but the home visit is making you anxious then just refuse. They will make out you have no choice but this is completely untrue, so just refuse or meet at a local cafe or something, "sorry its not convenient for you to come to my home....."

if you do the home visit thing and they make not very obvious hints to see the bedroom just ignore them or rinse/repeat "sorry its a bit of a mess right now"

nursy1 · 15/08/2017 11:18

does your Ds have to go to nursery? If you think he is not ready or ( as it sounds from your post) your instinct is yelling you no. Don't send him. It's not compulsory.

MrsOverTheRoad · 15/08/2017 11:18

They won't look in bedrooms. Just make sure it's tidy and clean downstairs and smile. If it goes beyond ten minutes, say "Well it has been nice...hasn't it DS? Now we have to get ready to visit Grandma"

Or whoever.

And stand up. YOU'RE in charge. It's your home.

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