Son and nursery

[Letstryagainshallwe]

My ds is due to start nursery in September and I'm not really happy with it tbh. I only agreed as I have two older kids in school and whenever I drop them the staff would constantly and I mean constantly ask me about sending my son to nursery. Even when I agreed I would constantly get asked if I've filled the forms in yet. One lady was asking me every time she saw me even though I had kept saying no I hadn't had the chance. Anyway they are going to do a home visit soon?? Is this standard win nursery (as I don't know any one who has had this) and tbh it feels like just a chance to look around my home. Not sure why else they would need to do a home visit? Anyway aibu in not really wanting him to go??

Nobody went near dd's bedroom on our home visit. We just had a cup of tea in the living room and they filled in a questionnaire thing about food allergies, what she likes to do etc.

Saucy Jack. The gold standard of childcare is not nursery for every child. Some love it, some don't or are not ready.

Yes, it's quite usual to be walking backwards and forwards six times a day when you have nursery and school age kids.

I don't know anyone who thinks it's a decent reason not to send a child to nursery tho. Are you coping? Not wanting to let "official" people in the house is a bit of a red flag that you might not be TBH.

Do you think your son would like to go to nursery? What do you do instead? Surely even just going to toddler groups, and the park and library takes the same amount of walking.

I think its a perfectly decent reason if the DS is doing fine and OP is otherwise coping.

I didnt want to let the teacher into my home because I knew it was partly so a judgement could be formed on my DS before even speaking to him. No red flag there.

I totally understand you not wanting people in your house, op. They won't/shouldn't go upstairs though. Also, we had home visits for reception at school, but never for nursery or preschool!

They sound a bit pushy to me. It will probably do him good to go to nursery but I wouldn't be happy with a home visit. It's a bit intrusive. didn't know it was the done thing now.

are they low on numbers? Can't imagine why else they'd be so pushy, unless they are worried that you're not coping...did your other children go to the nursery?

The visit is standard in some areas, they don't seem to do it here which suits me 😀.

Bear in mind that many teachers are parents (and would probably be equally worried that their house isn't tidy enough). Also, teachers feel the same about parents coming into their classrooms - cue frantic tidying 😀

Others didn't no. But we lived in a different area. So this is there first year at the school. They wouldn't know if I was "coping" or not but I do think they feel it's full on that I have 4 kids and am single but what can I do about that?! Yeh it's hard work but I'm coping with it fine. My mum helps a lot. (She done the school run for 6 weeks) but even if I wasn't coping I don't think going back and forth from the school 6 times would actually help as I would get less rest that way surely? Anyway no no red flags I'm just worried about not having carpet on the stairs don't want them to think my home is trampy. But can't really afford to get any.

Think the school is just generally low on numbers. as I said I moved new into the area a year ago and funnily enough it was my 5th choice of school (and last) but the only school to have places for both my children. And my neighbour who moved in just after me her 3 kids also go there so that's 5 places during the school year but all the other schools were full.

Oh god op ditch the nursery idea if DS is happy with you and you think he's doing fine and you don't really want him to go. I'm with you I think Id find it more stressful to never be able to do anything because I'd need to be back to do a unnecessary 40min walk at lunch time. By the time youre home you'd only have about an hour before you'd have to get ready to go out again.!

Could you not share with your neighbour to reduce school runs?

Sounds like they need to up their numbers then, op! I don't blame you for not wanting to trek there and back so many times a day. Is there an option for two full days? In my sons school nursery there wasn't (it was five mornings or five afternoons) but some might be different? If he did full days you wouldn't have all the walking.

Neighbour drives her kids so they wouldn't all fit

The reason the government decided to fund free nursery places for all children is that research has shown that going to nursery is beneficial to their learning and social development.

It sounds as though the school believe that your child would particularly benefit from a nursery placement.

Most young children do actually benefit enormously from going, and it better prepares them for starting school at a later stage too .For your son not to go to nursery, may disadvantage him when he starts school, as most other children will have had the benefits from nursery.

It may be possible to fit your child going to nursery around similar hours to the school drop off and pick up times. Why don't you ask the nursery before making up your mind, if he can't go due the number of journeys you'd need to make in a day?

If your home is reasonably clean and safe, you won't be judged. Many people are in the same position as you with not being able to afford much. Co sleeping is purely your choice, and again is not uncommon.

You will probably be more judged (for different reasons) if you refuse the home visit to be honest, and it may raise welfare alarm bells.

"I feel that you are pressuring me. Please stop with all this asking." Repeat as necessary. If they apologize or start a conversation about why just tell them "I thought that I was clear that I want this to stop now".

Regarding the home visit just tell them that you already have three kids in that school and that you do not need a home visit. If they tell you that they want one just say "but I don't and its my home. You already know me by now".

They don't have to like you, just be able to work with you.

What is the main reason you don't want him to go?

The repeated walk, the home visit or you don't think he's ready?

There's a few reasons really, the distance (I literally live opposite a sure start childrens centre which has a nursery)
I don't feel he is ready, he was potty trained but recently he is point blank refusing to use the toilet to poo. Pretty sure nursery children need to be toilet trained before going.
Also would prefer him to only go 1-2 days a week but apparently I need to use the full hours.
Also just don't really like people snooping around my house.

Why not send him to the one opposite?

And no they can't enforce toilet training.

I think nurseries still get paid for those 'free hours'
Perhaps that's why they sound like a broken record in the sale bin

Give them sarcasm,tell them 'NO' or just plain ignore them, you don't have to stand there and be polite.
Ask them "are you on commission?", or "oh! It's Bingo time!" with a big grin on your face.

Even when your ds gets to compulsory/full time schooling, you still have the option to fully or partly home school him.

aw OP don't stress about the home visit. My house wasn't that tidy, wasn't done up. They just wanted to see the DS. Didn't look round at all..plus he was so excited and confident in his home environment, showing off his toys, showing them the cat , etc. It was all positive.

Send him to the one over the road! Whyever wouldn't you?! That solves all problems, imo!

You could have some lovely 1:1 with your baby and maybe get some stuff done if baby is still young enough to nap. One of my favourite years was when I had a school aged child, a preschooler who did every afternoon and a baby who slept many of those afternoons- sigh!