To hate the phrase full time mum

[NotPennysBoat815]

I was reading the mail yesterday ( ) and they kept referring to a stay at home mum as a full time mum. I work full time but surely that doesn't make me a part time mum?

And what does it make us when our children are adults?

Drinkingtea I would never call out or be horrible or sneery to someone with the luxury and financial stability to be able to choose to be a SAHP.

I hate to break it to you but you managed to be sneery in this very sentence.

Lucy are you seriously saying that a parent of adults wants to answer the question "what do you do?" with "I'm a parent/ I'm a full time parent"?

A parent is always a parent whether they do childcare or not and however old the child, as is obvious to everyone. The parenting of an adult is not a full time activity though, is it?

The only people who describe themselves as full time parents are doing full time childcare in that phase of their life, therefore it is their occupation.

It would only be the occupation of the parent of an adult if they were a carer for their adult child.

I think the term full time mum upsets working mums because they have guilt about leaving their children so young. If you pay someone else to take over the parenting whilst you have a career then you are not a full time mum. You are a nurse or a lawyer or a firefighter who just happens to have kids. It doesn't make you any less of a parent, but you are not a full time mum as someone else is doing the majority of the parenting for you. I say this as someone with a full time job who has children. I am not a full time mum, but I am happy with my choice to work so am not offended when actual full time mums use this term.

Drinkingtea I would never call out or be horrible or sneery to someone with the luxury and financial stability to be able to choose to be a SAHP

I hate to break it to you but you managed to be sneery in this very sentence

How exactly is having choice not a luxury and please explain how that is sneery

Drinking 'parent', 'mother' and 'father' are descriptions of relationships, not occupations. And 'being a (good) parent' of either sex has many aspects including providing for your children financially and raising them to be decent people through the time you spend with them.

I haven't heard anybody imply fathers who work are 'part time fathers' and would be disgusted if somebody said they were 'outsourcing' the care of their children. Providing for their children financially is caring for their children. Why should mothers be implicitly criticised and sniped at for doing the same?

The bottom line is that from this and many similar threads on here we all know that many mothers who work out of the home find the term 'full time mother' offensive, not to mention that fact that it makes no sense, so why use it? It's pointless spitefulness.

I just think how people split the various financial and physical responsibilities of parenting within their family is their business and there's no need to snipe at people who choose/ have to do it differently, implying that somehow they are less of a parent to their children.

I think it's just a way for a stay-at-home-parent to "justify" why they don't work at least part-time. Some people need to label themselves in a certain way to feel they have value, to differentiate themselves from people who don't work simply because they can't be arsed.

It's a linguistic issue really. A "full-time" employee works 40 hours or so a week. Not many parents get away with only spend that much time parenting!

I think it's just a way for a stay-at-home-parent to "justify" why they don't work at least part-time.

Don't be so bloody ridiculous.

Full time mother and work in paid employment full time, this is the situation that many are in, you don't stop being a mother when you are at work.

I'm not sure how anyone can describe working as not parenting. Providing for your family is defintely parenting. How on earth would my children eat/be clothed/be warm/have somewhere to live if their parents didn't work? I'm certainly not a part time parent because I work.

Laza someone defining themselves as full time parent does not define anyone else as anything - part time or otherwise.

If someone defines themselves as a full time teacher that isn't a comment on whether you teach your kids things, if they define themselves as a full time carer they aren't saying that you have no caring responsibilities.

The term someone else uses to describe their primary occupation is about them not you.

Nobody gets to dictate what anyone else refers to themselves unless there are laws regarding use of the title - certainly not people with insecurities lashing out to make themselves feel better.

A small but vocal minority of work outside the home parents seem to feel they are entitled to control everyone else's language.

I work. My kids are school age. If someone who baby and toddler wrangles all day every day calls himself a full time dad or herself a full time mum then power to him or her, it's no reflection on me and those who make it about them sound defensive and always manage to sneer overtly or implicitly at those who do full time childcare to make themselves feel better.

Most parents who work outside the home don't care what anyone else calls themselves, or take other people's attempt to define how they spend their days as an insult.

I think it's just a way for a stay-at-home-parent to "justify" why they don't work at least part-time.

Another good example of the attitude that financial contribution is the only one worth making.

"Laza someone defining themselves as full time parent does not define anyone else as anything - part time or otherwise."

If the term 'full time mother' does not imply that other mothers are 'part time' then it just means 'mother'. Either it's meaningless, or it implicitly disparages the parenting of mothers who work. You can't have it both ways.

Laza of course mother, father and patent can be both relationships and occupations. What would you like someone who does all their own childcare to call themselves? Would you like them to say they "don't work" or"just stay at home" or define themselves as housewives/ househusband (clearly avoiding any reference to the active parenting childcare role) by any chance?

Drinkingtea I love you you are much more eloquent than me

I worked part time when my children were small. I didn't find looking after the house and children much of a problem and not particularly hard work, mainly because my children were good at amusing themselves when not in school and also because I enjoy housework, so I considered the time I had at home as leisure time to be quite honest.

However, when I became a full time foster carer, and looked after other people's children 24/7 it became a job and a bloody hard one. Interestingly at this point I had lots of comments from people saying that foster carers shouldn't be paid a 'wage' and that I should be doing it for the love of looking after children. Go figure.

I dont know how people get worked up about this. When i work i do feek like more of a part time mum ! Someone else has my kids for 30 hours a week !

The problem, drinking, is that you are (I suspect, deliberately) conflating the concepts of 'parenting'/ 'being a parent' and 'childcare'. These terms are not synonymous.

I don't care what people call themselves, provided it isn't a term that disparages other people. 'Full time mother' disparages mothers who go out to work, for all of the reasons that a number of posters have (on the whole rather patiently, in my view) explained to you. As is quite clear from this and other similar threads, there are people who will continue to use the term regardless of it's unpleasant undertones being pointed out to them. Just don't expect other people to like it when you know it's offensive and continue to use it anyway.

There is enough guilt, expectation and judgement heaped onto mothers by society in general without mothers doing it to each other. It's so unnecessary and not a very nice way to behave in my opinion.

I note you're not answering my question Laza - this is always a one way conversation in which only the feelings and identity of those in paid work matters, apparently.

I did answer your question:

"I don't care what people call themselves, provided it isn't a term that disparages other people."

When I was looking after DC and not working I said 'I'm looking after DC and not working at the moment'. But like I said, people can say what they like, it would just be nice if it wasn't a label that implicitly slighted others. I'm sure plenty of people will continue to use the term regardless. Pointless nastiness to the benefit of nobody, but there we are.

it would just be nice if it wasn't a label that implicitly slighted others.

So many labels can be said to slight others by implication, though - although you could equally well argue that the slight is inferred by the person raising the objection. Senior Manager - implies the other managers are subordinate to him or her and are, by implication, junior and not senior. Chief Executive - the other executives in the company are less important in the business. Barista Maestro - the other people in the coffee shop won't make you such a nice cup of coffee. It's all just semantics at the end of the day....