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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate the phrase full time mum

203 replies

NotPennysBoat815 · 15/08/2017 08:02

I was reading the mail yesterday ( ) and they kept referring to a stay at home mum as a full time mum. I work full time but surely that doesn't make me a part time mum?

OP posts:

NataliaOsipova · 15/08/2017 08:27

People use that term to validate themselves because they don't like the connotations attached to the term 'unemployed'

"Unemployed" means something totally different. It is a specific term which excludes people who are not actively seeking work. I am not in paid employment, but I am certainly not "unemployed" (and would not be represented as such in the statistics).

MorrisZapp · 15/08/2017 08:27

Not this old chestnut. I'm a full time researcher. That doesn't mean I do research with every minute I'm awake, it means I do it in normal office hours.

Everyone knows what full time means, it's not remotely offensive to say full time mum. These threads make working mothers look ridiculous.

HeadDreamer · 15/08/2017 08:27

I work FT and it doesn't bother me. It is the same thing as SAHP.

MeUnreasonableOrHim · 15/08/2017 08:27

Exactly Skittless, and they shouldn't need to justify it.

MrsJayy · 15/08/2017 08:27

I agree with you meunreasonableorHim maybe if being a sahm wasn't seen as lazy and pampered then there would be no need to declare anything it is so complicated though,

NataliaOsipova · 15/08/2017 08:28

They should just say unemployed. As that's what they are if asked for employment status

Totally inaccurate. See my post above.

MistressPage · 15/08/2017 08:30

Lol at the suggestion that full time mum is a pseudo-employment-status! It's not, it's just a description of looking after your children. Full time. That's all it is.

MeUnreasonableOrHim · 15/08/2017 08:30

Natalia but then you wouldn't be describing yourself as a full time mum then (in the context of not working) would you? You'd explain your job, whether it was paid or unpaid?

MeUnreasonableOrHim · 15/08/2017 08:31

How so Morris?

Skittlesss · 15/08/2017 08:31

Natalia, that may be inaccurate in your opinion, however if you are not in employment then you are unemployed. It's not an insult. It's simply what it is. It has nothing to do with seeking work or not.

mummyretired · 15/08/2017 08:34

Part-time mum bothers me as a sole parent who always worked in an office to support my children - I've never not been their mum and never will. I think the term the 'SAHP' are looking for is economically inactive, no shame in that.

NataliaOsipova · 15/08/2017 08:36

Natalia but then you wouldn't be describing yourself as a full time mum then (in the context of not working) would you? You'd explain your job, whether it was paid or unpaid?

As I said upthread, I would either say "I don't work" or, if an attempt at humour was appropriate, "I drive small children around". But I am not actively seeking employment, which is as different a category from "unemployed" as, say, "retired" would be. (And this isn't splitting hairs over some arcane point of advanced econometrics, by the way - these are categories and statistics that are quoted all the time on the news and in the newspapers.)

MorrisZapp · 15/08/2017 08:36

Because it's an easily understood expression. I'm a mum all the time, I'm also a wife and daughter all the time. None of those things are what people are curious about when they ask what I do for a living.

Notice that dads can say full time etc and there's no implied judgement.

I'm embarrassed as a working mother to hear stuff like 'but I'm always a mum!' from people who know fine well how the terms full time and part time are commonly applied.

Laiste · 15/08/2017 08:38

I've never in my life heard anyone describe themselves or anyone else as as a 'part time mum'

NataliaOsipova · 15/08/2017 08:39

Skittlesss I'm in danger of duplicating all my posts here, for which I apologise. Nothing to do with my opinion - "unemployed" has a specific meaning - as a matter of fact. It is not the opposite of "employed" in all situations and specifically excludes people who have retired or are not actively seeking work (e.g. carers).

Urubu · 15/08/2017 08:39

Get over ourself OP, you do realize they talk about themselves not about you.
Full time mum in the sense that when a working mum will be sat at her desk, the "full time mum" will be looking after children, morning to evening, hence full time...
Yes you think about your DC while at work, you are there for emergencies, you think about things to do/buy for them. But you don't actually parent them during this time, do you?

(not a criticism, I am a working mum myself)

Coconutspongexo · 15/08/2017 08:39

I've never heard of a full time dad.

theundecided · 15/08/2017 08:39

I agree. Most people who refer to themselves as a 'full time mum' mean SAHM. Not really the same, seeing as those of us who WOHM full or part time are still full time parents!

wowbutter · 15/08/2017 08:41

This phrase always confuses me, because yes, everyone who is a mother is a mother all the time.
But, and it's a big but, not every mother spends all her time doing mothering duties.
I work part time, and I do not mother full time. Yes, should my children be ill, I would leave work to care for them, but I do not care for her all day every day.
I have no issue with using the ohrase full time mother as I am not one. I pay people to do that role for me.
It's a description, a short one, and w all know what they mean.

Clumsy explanation here, but I'll try. It's like people that describe curvy women as real women. They don't mean those who are not curved are fake women. You do not need to take the description so literally.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 15/08/2017 08:42

This thread comes up every couple of months.

Agree it must be annoying (I'm a SAHM).

HurryUpAndWait · 15/08/2017 08:42

It doesn;t bother me.

I'm hardly mothering when in a meeting at work.

This isn't some kind of societal sexism. It's simply descriptive and if you don't like it either get a job / give up work or ignore it.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 15/08/2017 08:43

Having said that I have heard a few working friends describe themselves as 'part time mum' or if they're about to go on ML they're excited to start being a 'full time mum'. So it obviously doesn't irritate everyone.

hellomarshmallow · 15/08/2017 08:43

When looking for insurance, under occupation I had to select 'homemaker.' Parent is not an option!

BeakersofNaiceHam · 15/08/2017 08:44

Staying home with the children (or any unpaid caring role) is unpaid work, but still work. It shouldn't be devalued by saying the person is unemployed. You are doing the exact same work as a nanny which is a reasonably well paid and respectable job.
That's not to say that mothers who woh aren't full time mums but I guess we are using "mum" as a verb here a bit like parenting.

GherkinSnatch · 15/08/2017 08:45

Unemployed indicates that you're seeking work/should be seeking work. You wouldn't call a retired person or a carer unemployed.

There is no way to refer to a SAHM/Full-time parent/housewife that won't cause offence to someone.

I'm a mum all the time, I'm also a wife and daughter all the time. None of those things are what people are curious about when they ask what I do for a living. < Exactly.

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