To hate the phrase full time mum

[NotPennysBoat815]

I was reading the mail yesterday ( ) and they kept referring to a stay at home mum as a full time mum. I work full time but surely that doesn't make me a part time mum?

Most of the full time mummies on social media have kids at school, so parent just as much as some working mothers.

I work so it's not something I've ever said, it doesn't bother me too much unless it's being used by someone to imply that they are somehow superior to a mum who works.

Being a parent isn't a job and shouldn't be treated as such.

No but caring for children is a job.

Full time working parents are happy to pay others to do that "job".

As well as the general undervaluing of the role of parent that seems to exist in this country there is also, IMO, too much store set upon WHAT you are - as if your job defines you over and above everything else.

I've certainly never felt defined by any job i've had. They've only ever been a thing i have to grudgingly do to get some money in.

The only time i'd be remotely interested in anyone elses job is if i knew they were doing something wildly different, like working in the jungle saving elephants, some vocation they've obviously devoted their lives to. 90% of us are doing highly mundane boring stuff to bring in a crust. Who wants to know?

For me, it's akin to being a member of a profession. Let's say I'm a dentist.(I'm not really.) I am always a dentist; it's part of my identity and it's a title and status that I have gained and it now belongs to me. If I work three days a week and spend the other four at home with my children, I'm not a full-time dentist, but I'm no less a dentist for that. Similarly, I wouldn't describe myself as a full-time mum because I work, and while I do that, somebody else looks after my DC, but I'm no less a mum for that. It's a description of how I spend my time, not a value judgment.

Cailleach666 - I'm not particularly happy to pay someone else to care for my child but it's a needs must situation.

I've been a WOHM and a SAHM. I was not parenting when I was at work. Therefore I was not a 'full time' parent. When I was working, I wasn't parenting, somebody else (nanny) was. People dislike the term 'full time mum' because it causes them internal guilt. I couldn't give a fuck what labels other people put on me/others, we're all mothers.

Gorgosparta, i;ve met a few like that over the years. i had one woman say .' i wasnt committed' to my child as i worked full time when ds 1 was little. this was 20 odd years ago. nothing much changes eh?
( i have done both, worked, then was at home with both of them, then part time working, not working etc etc. ) the ebb and flow - just a shame people have to stick their oars in and make you feel bad - whatever you decide to do or not do in life! I have learnt to ignore, but it is hard when others have such extreme views.

I've never used the phrase, but can't see anything wrong with it.

A SAHM doesn't stay at home all the time (in most cases) so to me that phrase is wrong , but they do parent full time. They are not unemployed as a pp has said. Housewife, home maker - ridiculously dated.

What annoys me even more is the phrase 'working mum'. When have you ever heard anyone refer to a 'working dad'?

Interesting to bring the role of carer into this. If a person said they were a full time carer would anyone get funny about that? Or say no, surely you mean unemployed

Squeaky- I like that analogy!

It does come down to whether you mean mum as the role or as an activity. So you are a mum (role,title) forever and full time. But the act of parenting- you're not doing when you're working. So you're not parenting full time.
Arguably you're not doing this with school age children- though if you're on call to collect from school if upset or ill it can feel like that.

The dentist analogy is perfect.

I don't like SAHM because it sounds like I'm trapped at home. I used to work part time and would not have been bothered if someone described themselves as full time mum or dad.

There just isn't a simple 'user-friendly' description for parents who don't go out to work and are caring for their children full-time.
I work full-time and don't find it offensive. I don't interpret it as meaning that I am a part-time parent, although working is a pretty vital element of my role as a parent.
However, I think I'm unique on MN as I have never had anyone make a derogatory comment on the fact that i work (or any other aspect of my life, really).

Perhaps we need to define the age of the child in question in these discussions?

Personally speaking i think looking after a pre school age child at home all day IS full time mumming.

Once they are school age if i wasn't working i'd say i don't work, or perhaps use SAHP.

It's only words. We all know what it means.

But you're forgetting that the saying only came about because women are forced to explain themselves. I've worked pt, ft, now i'm unemployed. I think it's ridiculous to hate a phrase. HATE the fact that women (or men) are forced to explain why they're not earning money when their children are tiny. It should be acceptable to be not earning money but it is one of today's biggest shames. Earn money. Earn Money. Earn Money or you don't Exist. That is what gets my face

Interesting to bring the role of carer into this. If a person said they were a full time carer would anyone get funny about that? Or say no, surely you mean unemployed

I am a full time carer (DC with ASD) and also a full time mum and I get the 'oh you don't work then' all the time. Apparently being a carer doesn't count when it's your disabled child.

Callie I'm not happy to leave DD with others but someone has to pay the mortgage ect and she can't come with me.
If parenting is a job then does that mean that working parents have two jobs?
For the record I have nothing against parents who stay at home with the children. In fact I am envious as it wasn't my choice to go back to work full time when my baby was tiny.

I cannot stand it when people use it as their Facebook middle name

I envied people who earned enough to pay childcare for two. I think often working mothers forget that you need to ''move up the ranks'' a little to be in a position to earn enough to pay childcare for more than one child and still have enough left over to cover the transport!

I couldn't have afforded to work

aragtree- a great point.
When my kids were young we lived in social housing- very few women worked full time- it wasn't an option to pay nursery fees.
Those that did work relied on grandparents or worked in the evenings once partners were home ( usually checkout or cleaning jobs)
In our village it was only the women with well paid jobs that worked full time and were able to afford childcare.

I'm, as yet, childless, so no horse in this race, but the general impression I've always got is that "full-time mums" are looked down on a bit. To me it seems astonishing that anyone would mind the term "full-time mum" because it seems to carry a silent stigma, as it is not valued by society. For those who have been judged for being in paid employment - did the judgement start after first DC or did you always get that impression?

Anyway... surely between us we could come up with a new term? And popularize it, being MN and all...

Who cares? Whenever people get worried about sahm/wohm/full time parent etc I assume they aren't happy with their decisions. I've done sahp/working part time/working full time. All are valid and I'm not bothered what others think.