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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Extremely scary moment when driver blocked my car on a country lane.

449 replies

ginplease8383 · 14/08/2017 17:07

I was out driving on the Blackdown hills today with my 1 year old and 3 year old DD trying to find Wellington monument. I know its pretty easy to find being pretty large but I am a bit of an idiot with driving and thought i knew the way (being relatively local) and it turned out I didn't.

Anyway, I went into a country lane and did a U turn to correct myself as I didn't want to U turn on one of the larger roads and as I was coming out onto the more main road another car (a 4X4 with 2 men in it aged mid 50s) also was doing a u turn (or so i thought initially). The driver blocked my exit out of the junction (They could see me drive up to it) as I attempted to turn left and I assumed he was stopping to turn into my lane so I attempted to veer left and drive around him and he blocked me again. I did it again and he did it again.

I didn't want to stop and wind down my window it being the middle of the countryside and that I had 2 young children in the back but he trapped me. In the end i had to and he wound down his window and he said 'I was just going to ask you how to get to xx', I was upset and panicking by then and screamed at him 'How dare you block my path!! Get out of the way!'. My heart was racing and I called dh straight away and gave him a description of the car just in case and set off hime (I didn't go to Wellington monument in the end).

AIBU? I can kind of understand if there was an accident and they needed a first aider but surely i made it perfectly clear i didnt want to stop- I was shitting myself to be honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
ginplease8383 · 14/08/2017 20:33

Buttercunt- No actually signal is surprisingly good up there as theres a phone mast right in the middle of the hills.

OP posts:
Original poster
ginplease8383 · 14/08/2017 20:34

just so everyone knows, I did report this on 101 and they have had another report of similar behaviour involving a car matching the same description.

OP posts:
Grotbagswisp · 14/08/2017 20:38

And there may be other women who have had similar experiences but who haven't reported it and are questioning what happened.

ApocalypseNowt · 14/08/2017 20:38

OP you in no way overreacted.

If something doesn't feel right, especially in a situation where you are vulnerable, you should always trust your instincts.

Fwiw I don't think they were genuinely asking for directions. If that's what they were trying to do they would have already had their window wound down.

I'd really recommend reading 'The Gift of Fear'. Can't remember what the author's called. Really interesting stuff and backs up the "do not be a polite compliant woman to your own detriment" way of thinking.

PodgeBod · 14/08/2017 20:39

Well done gin I've read before that predators rely on the sort of polite, "nobody could mean me harm, it's hysterical to be scared" thinking that a few have posted on here. Hopefully they catch these guys soon. I agree with others that I think they changed their minds when they saw the children or when you reacted strongly.

pudcat · 14/08/2017 20:40

Well I hope all those saying that the OP was over the top in her reactions now feel thoroughly ashamed of themselves. It turns out she did the right thing. What do we tell our children if someone is trying to take them - scream. Round here you are told not to stop for anyone. A taxi driver was badly beaten when he stopped to help a woman lying in the road. She was a decoy.

AlpacaLipsNow · 14/08/2017 20:41

I'd have been shitting myself. You are not unreasonable OP. I can't believe posters think that's their behaviour was anything other than threatening. Just like on that other thread when the OP was running through woods and a scary hooded man came out of the trees. Loads of posters wondering why she was scared. FFS!

Papafran · 14/08/2017 20:42

Jesus christ. This is terrifying. From the fact that similar stories have been reported about what seems to be the same car, this is very likely not two friendly guys asking for directions but something far more sinister. To previous posters, don't EVER belittle someone for being scared in a situation like that- the OP was extremely vulnerable and there ARE men out there who get off on hurting and sometimes even killing women. It is NEVER normal to block someone's car repeatedly in order to get directions.

There have been some horrific murders in the past that were committed after someone pretended to ask a motorist for directions or help- Peter Falconio in Australia springs to mind.

I hope the police get hold of these people. I wonder what they are playing at.

frumpety · 14/08/2017 20:44

I think I would have been more annoyed than scared by them tbh , but then I generally have a low tolerance for knobbish driving .

ElizabethShaw · 14/08/2017 20:47

Either, these two men are particularly stupid and bad drivers...
Or, they "just" enjoy intimidating/harassing women but wouldn't do any physical harm...
Or, they intended to hurt the OP (and/or her children)

Its really not up to the OP to try to guess which scenario is the correct one while she's alone, vulnerable and blocked in Confused

LostGarden · 14/08/2017 20:49

Good work OP, you did just the right thing. Screaming at them to get out of your way and driving off. Then reporting it to 101 who are now able to build up a picture of 2 men who appear to be targeting women in a remote area.
There are some utter arseholes on MN these days, swaggering around, victim blaming and expecting women to put up with all kinds of shit from men. This certainly isn't a supportive site for parents any more, I'd never consider posting for advice on here now. AIBU or any other area. Not at all women friendly either.

abigailgabble · 14/08/2017 20:49

blocking your car is weird behaviour. I'm sure you could have handled it better but that + babies +arse end of nowhere +too many horror films would make me panic too. hopefully he will think twice in the future (assuming he wasn't trying to murder you and changed his mind when he saw you had children)

abigailgabble · 14/08/2017 20:53

fuck just seen your update Confused i am an absolute scaredy cat with a baby in my care. YANBU. never feel unreasonable for saying FUCK NO.

Gabilan · 14/08/2017 20:56

I'm sure you could have handled it better

She's home safe. The police are aware and there have been other reports of similar incidents in the area. What better way is there of handling it? Is she supposed to be polite whilst escaping from potential attackers on the off chance that they were quite nice guys really and might now be a bit miffed?

PNGirl · 14/08/2017 20:57

I was reading through the thread to see if anyone would point out that one of the 2 men would have had a phone with google maps on it. I haven't been asked for directions by anyone in a car for years!

I'm glad you reported it. I would have sat there stubbornly until they moved and refused to open my window or door.

Papafran · 14/08/2017 21:00

I was reading through the thread to see if anyone would point out that one of the 2 men would have had a phone with google maps on it

Good point, and so many cars have sat nav as well. Highly highly unlikely that they were wanting directions.

Eusebius · 14/08/2017 21:01

OP you didn't over react. That sounds terrifying and I would have been shaking by the time they wound down their window. You acted on instinct which was to scream at them and get the hell out. They were idiots.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/08/2017 21:04

Op has handled it very well, she made noise, drove off quickly and reported it to the Police. These attackers rely on people not wanting to be rude, or impolite. Asking for directions my left foot!

Malters87 · 14/08/2017 21:09

I think some people are being too harsh. Two men in a car behaving that way when you have children in the car is scary. Whether it would have scared you or not it doesn't take more than a small bit of empathy to see why you were upset.
I'm sorry this ruined your day and hope you're okay.

golfin · 14/08/2017 21:16

OP's driving a new car, another reason to be targeted, especially if the children were not easily visible.

Welshmaenad · 14/08/2017 21:24

OP you were not U to be scared and react the way you did, especially in light of what the police told you.

A while ago I was tailgated on a country road, then overtaken, the car the slammed its brakes on forcing me into an emergency stop, at which point the driver got out and ran at my car.

To tell me I had a brake light out. Which I knew, I was on the way to Halfords to get a replacement bulb.

He scared the absolute shit out of me with his aggressive behaviour, and I reacted very similarly. Even if intentions are supposedly innocent/helpful, it is intimidating. There is no excuse for it. I hope you're ok xx

Cheby · 14/08/2017 21:25

YANBU OP. I read your description of what happened with an increasing heart rate. Very intimidating behaviour and I think you did exactly the right thing.

I have literally no idea why some posters can not see how threatening these men were or how risky this situation was. Why not take the cars out of the equation; say OP was walking down a deserted alley with only one exit. Two men stand at the end blocking the exit. She tries to step round them, but they block her path. They do this 3 times without making any attempt to explain why they are doing it. Does it sound intimidating now?

airforsharon · 14/08/2017 21:32

Dear Lord some of the replies on here Hmm So men can behave just as like towards a woman, not giving a fig how their actions might make her feel, but she's not to shout or react aggressively in response, lest their feelings are injured?

I have 3 daughters and have taught them from early on that they have lungs and shouldn't - if they feel threatened, scared, intimidated - be afraid to use them. To trust their instincts and not be afraid to make a 'fuss'. Men who threaten, scare and intimidate rely on women not making a fuss and frankly, fuck that.

You were absolutely right OP - even if they were genuine (and it now sounds not) being bellowed at by an obviously distressed women might have made them consider that their actions were pretty bloody stupid.

Datun · 14/08/2017 21:36

Good point Cheby.

ShoesHaveSouls · 14/08/2017 21:41

"Men who threaten, scare and intimidate rely on women not making a fuss and frankly, fuck that."

Yes! ^This.

We must teach our daughters to shout, scream, tell them to fuck off, if they feel uncomfortable or intimidated. Predatory men absolutely do rely on women being polite and not making a fuss - read some of Jimmy Saville's victims's stories just for one example.

How many women have over-ridden their natural fear of a situation to be polite? I know I have. Not any more, and I will be teaching my children the same.

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