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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Extremely scary moment when driver blocked my car on a country lane.

449 replies

ginplease8383 · 14/08/2017 17:07

I was out driving on the Blackdown hills today with my 1 year old and 3 year old DD trying to find Wellington monument. I know its pretty easy to find being pretty large but I am a bit of an idiot with driving and thought i knew the way (being relatively local) and it turned out I didn't.

Anyway, I went into a country lane and did a U turn to correct myself as I didn't want to U turn on one of the larger roads and as I was coming out onto the more main road another car (a 4X4 with 2 men in it aged mid 50s) also was doing a u turn (or so i thought initially). The driver blocked my exit out of the junction (They could see me drive up to it) as I attempted to turn left and I assumed he was stopping to turn into my lane so I attempted to veer left and drive around him and he blocked me again. I did it again and he did it again.

I didn't want to stop and wind down my window it being the middle of the countryside and that I had 2 young children in the back but he trapped me. In the end i had to and he wound down his window and he said 'I was just going to ask you how to get to xx', I was upset and panicking by then and screamed at him 'How dare you block my path!! Get out of the way!'. My heart was racing and I called dh straight away and gave him a description of the car just in case and set off hime (I didn't go to Wellington monument in the end).

AIBU? I can kind of understand if there was an accident and they needed a first aider but surely i made it perfectly clear i didnt want to stop- I was shitting myself to be honest.

OP posts:

Original poster

ginplease8383 · 14/08/2017 18:33

It was a burgundy 4x4!!!!!

OP posts:

WindyWednesday · 14/08/2017 18:33

Report it. Please.

Splandy · 14/08/2017 18:35

That word hysterical... delightful. How often do you hear of hysterical men? Men who might actually respond aggressively, typically get into more fights etc are never branded 'hysterical'. Women are conditioned to be polite and helpful, not cause a fuss or make a scene. How far along that interaction do you go, telling yourself 'oh I'm sure it's fine, these men probably aren't here to hurt me, they're probably just totally normal people aggressively blocking me in in this secluded country lane yet not communicating anything to me.. oh they've done it again, and I am alone here with my children, and I couldn't physically protect them if I needed to, still I'm sure they're just lovely guys, I'll make sure to help them'. Where does that thinking stop? And what if they weren't harmless men? Are people really suggesting that it's more important to help people behaving aggressively towards you and wind your window down to see if you can offer assistance than to make sure to protect yourself? Is it worse to offend somebody than to run the risk of coming to harm? I try really hard to make sure I do NOT accept that I should be pleasant and assume that people aren't out to hurt me. I trust my instincts now. Of course, I'm not walking down the street suspicially eyeing up all men, but I do not try to come up with explanations for the behaviour of other people when it makes me uncomfortable and force myself to stay in that uncomfortable situation out of politeness.

I had an experience as a teenager which was a bit similar. I was walking home alone but it was very dark because it was winter. The road I needed to walk down was quite quiet, it has houses set back from the road and a steep bank on the other side which is a wooded area. A car came down the road and I could hear that it was close to me but it didn't pass me. I turned to look and the car pulled up level with me and drove along at my walking pace. He sped up slightly and pulled up, then wound the window down and I could see him watching me in his rear view mirror. I really didn't want to walk pat the car and I could just sense that something was wrong, even though he could have just been asking for directions, but even being frightened for my safety I still had to convince myself to not be polite and that it's ok to act. I crossed the road as though I lived over there. A friend happened to live in the street so I knocked on the door and the car drove off. I went in for five minutes but didn't want to cause a fuss so I didn't tell her parents what had happened and set off home again, on the other side of the road. As I got to the bottom of the hill, the car came back up, on the side I was on, the driver spotted me, slammed the brakes on and swerved up the kerb, opening the passenger side door. I screamed 'leave me alone' and ran, and then my friend's dad came running down the road (she had sensibly told him what had happened and he'd come chasing after me) and the car took off. Up until that point the driver hadn't 'done' anything, but I trusted my instincts and am totally sure he was going to attempt to pull me into his car. I know that sounds really dramatic but clearly, these things DO happen and I was right not to ask what he wanted or go anywhere near his car.

Even if they hadn't intimidated you, you're under no obligation to help anyway. They could have been the sweetest, politest men ever and you could still have decided not to stop and help. It's not illegal.

Original poster

ginplease8383 · 14/08/2017 18:35

Please could you have a look on the Facebook pages for me? Do you have link? Ringing 101 now

OP posts:

traw · 14/08/2017 18:38

For all people here know, they weren't after directions but changed tact after seeing kids.

There are some shitty people out there. We have a particular country lane near us that is a known No Go area at night.

WindyWednesday · 14/08/2017 18:38

Good work. It needs to be reported.

Rapunzel15 · 14/08/2017 18:38

Is it not sexist that everyone would have been intimidated because it was a man? A woman could just as easily murder you and bury you in the woods

WinchestersInATardis · 14/08/2017 18:38

Good grief. Anyone who thinks its okay for two men to repeatedly block a lone woman with small children in an isolated place is utterly delusional.
Rude, creepy and it would have really scared me too. Maybe he really did want directions but a decent, reasonable person with an iota of sense would never go about it that way.
Glad you're okay, OP. He was a dick.

Original poster

ginplease8383 · 14/08/2017 18:42

Two men would have found it a lot easier than a woman on her own Rapunzel.

OP posts:

PenelopeChipShop · 14/08/2017 18:44

OP I totally agree with you and I think I probably would have panicked too. That just isn't normal behaviour. It isn't your responsibility to give them directions or to make them feel ok about how unreasonably they acted.

I wonder if those who are being so cool about how they would have reacted don't have children so young anymore. You're very aware when you have a baby and a toddler or very young child of how slowly you can move, how restricted you are etc

Slimthistime · 14/08/2017 18:47

Rapunzel I've already said if it had been two women I'd say the same

I'm amazed by the reactions on this thread. Block someone off three times? That's fucking trouble right there. I don't care what sex the person is.

Agree with Trollspoopglitter and Datun.

MabelStable · 14/08/2017 18:47

Pm'd you the details OP.

Datun · 14/08/2017 18:47

Splandy

...but I do not try to come up with explanations for the behaviour of other people when it makes me uncomfortable and force myself to stay in that uncomfortable situation out of politeness.

We're so concerned we might offend. And then look stupid, rude or so much bloody worse 'hysterical'. How do we react rationally to intimidating behaviour. Who the fuck do we think we are?

Rapunzel15

When women commit the 98% of the sexually violent crime that men do, not the 2% that women do, you might have a point.

Until then, I'm not holding my breath.

Splandy · 14/08/2017 18:48

Gosh rapunzel, are you wilfully ignorant of facts all the time? Statistics show that men are far, far more likely to commit violent crimes, assault, rape and kill. Men are also, generally speaking, bigger, stronger and faster. There were two of them. I wouldn't think too well of a car of two women behaving this way either, but then I've never been assaulted by a woman, sexually or otherwise. My experiences haven't taught me to be wary of women the way they have with men. The fact that they were men only makes it worse. I wouldn't have stopped to help women in this situation, either. But they weren't women. They were men. So, in answer to your question, no, it's not sexist to fear the sex that is far more likely to do you harm in a situation where you are alone, with children, outnumbered and overpowered and your instincts are telling you something is not right. FFS

ElizabethShaw · 14/08/2017 18:49

Of course the totally normal reaction to two men repeatedly blocking your car in on an isolated country road is to politely ask them if there is anything you can do to help

LinkPlease · 14/08/2017 18:51

Is it not sexist that everyone would have been intimidated because it was a man? No it's not, not when men are responsible for 86% of all crimes commited.

'men are responsible for 85% of all indictable crimes in England and Wales, 88% of crimes against the person, 90% of murders, and 98% of sexual offences (all for the year to June 2012).'

Hth

Datun · 14/08/2017 18:52

Exactly. As soon as the rape, sexual assault and murder of women isn't determined by sex, I will give men as much of a pass as I give women.

Jux · 14/08/2017 18:53

I'd've done just what you did. I would have been very worried by two men blocking me in the first time, the fact they did it 3 times would've been very frightening indeed.

Well done.

(I'm near the Blackdowns, too. There are some right twats about.)

ShoesHaveSouls · 14/08/2017 18:55

A woman could just as easily murder you and bury you in the woods

Yeah the prisons are just full of women who murder other women

Slimthistime · 14/08/2017 18:55

To posters who think their behaviour was okay, you'd block a car in three times in order to ask for directions? I just can't fathom this. There must be something else behind this thinking.

Datun · 14/08/2017 18:56

If someone doesn't understand this, imagine you are put into a compound full of, say 7 foot musclebound gorillas. A small percentage of whom are sexually violent killers. The rest of them are absolutely fine, although they frequently display certain characteristics usually associated with that small percentage. Of that small percentage, many of them seem terribly nice and friendly. In fact, you rather like them.

Now, spend your life there.

Wordsaremything · 14/08/2017 19:00

You were a bit of an idiot really O P. If this happened to me I would assume he was blocking the lane for his stock to cross over. Usually dairy cattle but could be sheep at this time of year too.

takingsmallsteps · 14/08/2017 19:02

Another to say you were right to trust your instincts. Their behaviour was abnormal and I would put money on the fact they were not after directions. You screaming at them was not an overreaction, it may well have saved you from a worse outcome.

I was flashed at in a park when I was 15 and had my 5 year old cousin with me. The bloke kept appearing asking for the ranger and going on about how he owed him money. I was polite, I engaged in conversation. He got more and more invasive with his questions talking about boyfriends etc. He eventually got his dick out. I grabbed my cousin and ran home as fast as I could carry her. My instincts told me he was odd. I knew he was odd. But I sat there being polite. I wish I'd walked away the first time he talked to me. Well done for listening to your inner voice and not the societal pressure of being polite.

Saucery · 14/08/2017 19:03

Usually the farmer and stockmen will tell you what they are doing.

Anyway, sounds like a 'thing' so hope OP's checking details and reporting it if necessary.

Slimthistime · 14/08/2017 19:04

Words, you're calling the OP an idiot? Have you even read the thread?

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