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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Extremely scary moment when driver blocked my car on a country lane.

449 replies

ginplease8383 · 14/08/2017 17:07

I was out driving on the Blackdown hills today with my 1 year old and 3 year old DD trying to find Wellington monument. I know its pretty easy to find being pretty large but I am a bit of an idiot with driving and thought i knew the way (being relatively local) and it turned out I didn't.

Anyway, I went into a country lane and did a U turn to correct myself as I didn't want to U turn on one of the larger roads and as I was coming out onto the more main road another car (a 4X4 with 2 men in it aged mid 50s) also was doing a u turn (or so i thought initially). The driver blocked my exit out of the junction (They could see me drive up to it) as I attempted to turn left and I assumed he was stopping to turn into my lane so I attempted to veer left and drive around him and he blocked me again. I did it again and he did it again.

I didn't want to stop and wind down my window it being the middle of the countryside and that I had 2 young children in the back but he trapped me. In the end i had to and he wound down his window and he said 'I was just going to ask you how to get to xx', I was upset and panicking by then and screamed at him 'How dare you block my path!! Get out of the way!'. My heart was racing and I called dh straight away and gave him a description of the car just in case and set off hime (I didn't go to Wellington monument in the end).

AIBU? I can kind of understand if there was an accident and they needed a first aider but surely i made it perfectly clear i didnt want to stop- I was shitting myself to be honest.

OP posts:
SophoclesTheFox · 15/08/2017 12:20

Exactly sockeating.

I am fresh from listening to a podcast by Gavin de Becker this morning, who covers all of this in great and helpful detail in "The Gift of Fear", which PPs have already recommended. If you haven't read it, please do, or listen to the podcast I was just listening to here

Aeroflotgirl · 15/08/2017 12:50

Op well done, you avoided a potentially dangerous situation. Yes I am doing K1 Dutchstyle martial arts and self defence, the main rule is to get away, not grapple the perp. Be it running, shouting,, making as much noise as possible, which op did, to get away and to gain the distance. There are some real weirdos and goady fuckers on this thread who think its big to make the op feel bad about what she did, and to call her hysterical Hmm. Who cares if you were hysterical and rude, it helped you get clear of a potentially aggressive situation.

Did people not read, that they blocked her in 3 times on purpose, when she tried to gain exit! My survival instincts would have kicked in, epscially with my babies in the back. Op contacted the Police who have had similar reports of these two men, obviously its a concern, she basically had a narrow escape. Gin you did the right thing, do the same again if your in a similar situation again.

Slimthistime · 15/08/2017 13:00

OP I hope it's not stressful
Id be glad to hear an update too but I obviously understand if you can't face it
It sounds like what you've done is really important reporting anyway
All good wishes Flowers

Slimthistime · 15/08/2017 13:03

Sock "That is why it's so hard to convey on a thread like this. There is not one thing that the OP experienced that cannot be rationally explained away, but together they build a picture"

So offence Sock, but being blocked in three times....I know some posters have said irs fine but none have come back to explain why. That alone is the behaviour of the cray cray!

SockEatingMonster · 15/08/2017 13:30

Could be explained away by the driver being a rude, aggressive but not dangerous twat. I can't think of any way of explaining it in which he's a nice, reasonable person! I just meant that no one single piece of information conclusively spelt out danger, it's the amalgamation of information that warns us, often in ways we can't readily explain.

SockEatingMonster · 15/08/2017 13:32

Oops. Meant to say rude arrogant, not rude aggressive!

Arealhumanbeing · 15/08/2017 14:42

'Did people not read, that they blocked her in 3 times on purpose,'

Of course they did! It doesn't suit their narrative. They are ignoring the facts in order to continue whining on about manners and poor, lost blameless men. Grin

Arealhumanbeing · 15/08/2017 14:47

'I can't think of any way of explaining it in which he's a nice, reasonable person!'

It doesn't need to be explained. OP posted to share her experience and ask if she was being unreasonable.

Not offer explanations to idiots (not you SockEatingMonster) about her feelings and response to a situation.

SockEatingMonster · 15/08/2017 15:32

I should have clarified that my "could be explained away by him being rude..." post was in reply to Slimthistime's comment on my original post (in which I said that whilst it might be possible to explain away each individual thing as not being a real threat, together they built up to be something more ominous).

It wasn't meant to be stand alone statement! My personal opinion is that the OP was at risk, especially if this is an unusual reaction for her, which I assume it is since she posted here.

whinesalot · 15/08/2017 15:37

they deserved every bit of screaming. No self aware male would do that to a lone female. It wasn't innocent.
I'd have been very scared but I wouldn't have wound down the windows. I hope you locked the car pronto.

nina2b · 15/08/2017 15:49

Yesterday 17:19 araiwa

Because you were extremely scared and screamed at someone asking you directions

That was not what the OP described and you know it. Do you have "issues" as you call it?

nina2b · 15/08/2017 15:51

It sounded very scary, OP. If you have their number report it to the police. They had no right to behave as they did and frighten you.
Pigs.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/08/2017 15:53

To those who fail to understand, the men were not asking for directions, they were intimidating her.

Put it this way. Your walking along the street and you encounter two men, one blocks your path so you can't get past, you try again to get passed, they block your path again, you try again to get passed and your path is blocked. Is this normal behaviour! No, it is aggressive and intimidating, leading up to probably something bad happening.

Pallisers · 15/08/2017 16:02

I am bemused by bemused's opinion which seems to be that women need to defend themselves when threatened but then also seems to think that the OP didn't in fact defend herself from a possible threatening situation (she did) but would have bettere dealt with the situation by rolling down the window saying "hiya threatening men, how can I help you" and if they attacked her presumably leaping from the car and taking both of them on with her martial arts abilities while her children slept in the back. Or maybe she should have staged a one woman slutwalk protest in the lane if they turned out to be attackers?

I tell my son as well as my daughters that the first thing you do is get away from a threatening situation - if you can get away without engaging do so.

OP dealt with an intimidating situation perfectly. The mistake she made was using the word "screamed" in her OP. If she had said "shouted" there just might have been less of the "hysterical female" responses. Because screaming is a word associated with women and women's responses are so often deemed "hysterical" just because.

This thread really is eye-opening about how women have been taught to value politeness over safety.

peppep · 15/08/2017 17:48

OP, hope you're okay now. Just so you're aware, this is outing for you (in case you need to name change in future!!) as it hasn't been shared so much on FB x

peppep · 15/08/2017 17:50

That should say *HAS been shared so much on FB!

simiisme · 15/08/2017 17:58

I'd give the police their registration number.
I don' think that you overreacted, and to anyone who does - did you actually read what she said?! Blocking somebody in the road is at best arrogant and at worst aggressive. I bet they wouldn't have done it to a bloke.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 15/08/2017 18:04

I'd feel threatened and intimated. if this happens again, lock yourself in and get your phone out and start taking photos - make it obvious you are doing so. Make sure to get the number plate. Then call someone - if no signal just pretend you are talking.

libbyb · 15/08/2017 18:09

Here, Here Pallisers!

chedda · 15/08/2017 18:24

Hope you're ok love ignore e of botched on here that said you overreacted I would been scared too.they were bullying and assailed.Hope you're ok always lock.your doors .don't open window at all.

therealladygrantham · 15/08/2017 18:25

Well said Pallisers.

I too would have been very frightened. It would be completely normal if they had faced the junction, waiting for OP to draw up alongside them and then wound down their window making a questioning gesture at her. That way she would probably have wound her window down, exchanged a few words and gone on her way.

Blocking someone's exit is an aggressive move designed to be threatening.

Slimthistime · 15/08/2017 19:20

Sock, I might be misunderstanding you but there's no way I'd see blocking in as potentially rude. Alone, it's basically screaming "attack". No other action needed.

Nina, I'm glad you questioned araiwa, who is another regular poster who I expect to see with this kind of opinion.

SockEatingMonster · 15/08/2017 19:43

Sadly, I think that blocking someone's exit is highly unlikely to be anything other than predatory, Slimthistime, especially given the context. However, some people are so breathtakingly rude and self-centred that it's not beyond the realm of possibility that a driver might feel so entitled to directions that they would block someone's exit to get them. Unlikely, yet still possible. It's only when the other bits of information are added in (remote location, narrow road, lack of typical 'we're lost' gestures, body language, facial expressions, window not being wound down, etc) that it starts to look less and less likely it was anything other than intentional intimidation or planned attack.

Basically, I was making a very bad job of saying why I thought the OP's intuition was probably spot on and how the posters who were trying to explain away what had happened were not focusing on the whole picture.

Lovingit81 · 15/08/2017 19:49

Terrifying, poor you. Hope you feel better now Flowers

allwomanR · 15/08/2017 20:00

YADNBU as their actions were weird and frightened you, as they would most people. Who blocks someone's car full stop?! If you have the registration number you could always report them to the police- just because you didn't get out and they drove off doesn't mean they haven't done this before and caused harm, the exact scenario you were concerned you'd found yourself in.
Hope you're feeling less shaken Flowers