Extremely scary moment when driver blocked my car on a country lane.

[ginplease8383]

I was out driving on the Blackdown hills today with my 1 year old and 3 year old DD trying to find Wellington monument. I know its pretty easy to find being pretty large but I am a bit of an idiot with driving and thought i knew the way (being relatively local) and it turned out I didn't.

Anyway, I went into a country lane and did a U turn to correct myself as I didn't want to U turn on one of the larger roads and as I was coming out onto the more main road another car (a 4X4 with 2 men in it aged mid 50s) also was doing a u turn (or so i thought initially). The driver blocked my exit out of the junction (They could see me drive up to it) as I attempted to turn left and I assumed he was stopping to turn into my lane so I attempted to veer left and drive around him and he blocked me again. I did it again and he did it again.

I didn't want to stop and wind down my window it being the middle of the countryside and that I had 2 young children in the back but he trapped me. In the end i had to and he wound down his window and he said 'I was just going to ask you how to get to xx', I was upset and panicking by then and screamed at him 'How dare you block my path!! Get out of the way!'. My heart was racing and I called dh straight away and gave him a description of the car just in case and set off hime (I didn't go to Wellington monument in the end).

AIBU? I can kind of understand if there was an accident and they needed a first aider but surely i made it perfectly clear i didnt want to stop- I was shitting myself to be honest.

Plus she had 2 young chikdren in the car to think of. Some people on Mumsnet are just crap with their stinky attitude.

Plus she had 2 young chikdren in the car to think of. Some people on Mumsnet are just crap with their stinky attitude.

In haste - at work - but YES, completely agree male violence is a huuuuuge problem. What I dispute is that a fearful, cowed, hysterical response that centres on woman-as-victim is the most effective way of handling it. I don't think threads that spread fear of ordinary interactions help build a militant, empowered resistance.

Ordinary interactions, like blocking a car 3 times in a remote place?

In haste - at work - but YES, completely agree male violence is a huuuuuge problem. What I dispute is that a fearful, cowed, hysterical response that centres on woman-as-victim is the most effective way of handling it. I don't think threads that spread fear of ordinary interactions help build a militant, empowered resistance.

You don't choose fear, it's instinct. This isn't 'woman as victim' - it's not based on women's behaviour. This situation is based on men's behaviour.

Hear hear @Buttercunt

It's almost as if some posters are saying that women choose to become victims, that they make themselves targets for sexual assaults, murder and rape through their actions. That if they acted more, I don't know exactly, they would be resistant to rape and murder. Men would avoid the women acting in the magical polite but alsostandingupforthemselves way and then what? I presume those men would then find a woman not acting in the magical way so even if I learn the magical way we are still left with the problem.

Hey, maybe we could focus on the problem! Call me crazy but if the ones causing the problem stopped doing it then the world would be bloody lovely.

A woman who can't fight off a rapist, or even who freezes in terror, is not weak & feeble mentally, just physically overpowered.

The reason women have been oppressed by men throughout much of history - and still are in many countries - is mainly down to the differences in sheer physical strength and usually size.

It's very different facing up to aggressive men in a political demonstration when you have a large group of like-minded adults backing you up.

Totally different for a lone woman.

I have also attended self-defense classes taught by ex-military and the first thing they advise women is to avoid dangerous situations whenever possible.

They specifically warn about avoiding male strangers who approach claiming they need help, especially when there are no witnesses nearby.

They say, when in doubt, shout "NO" and try to get away. So, just like the OP did.
Fighting is taught, but to be used to counter a sudden attack, or as a last resort when cornered.

There are too many ridiculous films and books when 5'3" women ninjas overpower 6' men.
Real life is usually brutally different.

Shouting "NO" is not feeble.
Personally, I wouldn't be a fan of begging "please don't hurt me" - that does show weakness.

Well done for reporting these men OP.

Your gut instinct was screaming loudly that something was very wrong with their behaviour and intentions and you reacted in exactly the right way.

Two grown men who presumably would have at least a mobile phone between them should not ever need to block in a lone female driver in a secluded location.

No decent member of the public would have the audacity to boldly block you in 3 times in pursuit of directions.

Keep doors locked when driving, get a dash cam and try never get into a vulnerable position where you can't get away.

Roaring "get out of my way" at two suspicious men in a isolated area is deemed "weak and pathetic" is it?

I think it's a strong thing to do.

How many would have panicked, got stuck in the mud, slipped a gear and then frozen.

Well Done OP, you were awesome

It's not an influx of MRAs
The names of posters thinking op was hysterical are known to me at least
The misogyny on MN was really shown up by the Doctor Who thread a while back, that was quite an eye opener
And there were a few posters known for wailing "my H treats me like a maid" who were upset about a woman in the part....but I digress...

I fail to see how shouting is hysterical
What did people want her to do? I'd have shouted fuck off. I'm sure a man would have done too. Just because the op didn't swear doesn't make her response less valid
I'd advise anyone of any sex being blocked in by a car to shout and lean on the horn.

It is obviously not remotely acceptable behaviour to drive as those two did. Makes me wonder how some of the posters here behave generally.

There is some breathtaking lack of logic going on when a poster can say that women are not weak and feeble victims and should be able to stand up for themselves, and then when they do are accused of being weak and feeble victims.

This looks like a job for @Datun et al

OP you did well actually.

Because the driver was a bit of a knob to say the least and if his intentions were honest then he could have found someone else to help him.

You shouting at him would make him think twice about doing what he did again, if his intentions were honourable.

Why risk it!

Shouting, defending yourself and getting out of a potentially dangerous situation is "weak and feeble" and being a victim

The better course of action when strangers are acting aggressively to block your car in on an isolated road is to be polite and compliant?

HurryUpAndWait

I'm not exactly sure what that means. My comments throughout the entire thread have been consistent.

Women are dammed if they don't speak up, and damned if they do. According to the logic of the dissenters on here.

We shouldn't be worried because we can defend ourselves, but when we defend ourselves we are accused of hysteria.

It's completely illogical.

It's completely illogical

Added to which apparently we overreact to everyday, normal situations but should also practice martial arts to deal with these everyday, normal situations.

It's very different facing up to aggressive men in a political demonstration when you have a large group of like-minded adults backing you up

Absolutely. And whilst yes, that does take a certain amount of courage, reacting in the same way when you're isolated isn't so much courageous as foolhardy.

I was recently in a situation in which a driver stopped and got very aggressive with me whilst I was on a quiet country road on a push bike. I stood my ground because I knew that if I backed down he'd become even more aggressive. Fortunately, after a bit of shouting, he drove off. I'm not a shrinking violet and I will defend my right to go out and about in public. But I also think the OP did exactly the right thing in this situation. She got away safely. If the men were offended that's their problem.

No, I'm all for defending yourself! I'm not for spreading fear, either in our actions or in our representations, which include the language we use to describe incidents or in the spreading of fear-inducing narratives about bogeymen. I think there is a kind of genre of fear-inducing narratives (there are a whole load of urban myths that are spread on Facebook) that actually help to disempower women and make them feel like they can't do a whole host of things. The OP may have done great, but the way she describes her experience is a total language of submissive fear and potential victimhood - panicking, fearful, ringing a man for help. You could describe the exact same incident as "Wasn't I kickass awesome handling this so well" and it would actually be empowering. The words we use, the narratives we tell, they matter. And there is a great deal too much assumed victimhood on this site, and not enough of the "Aren't we capable/brilliant/confident/empowered/kickass" for my liking, but maybe that's just me. I don't like victimhood, and I fucking refuse to quail before male violence. And before someone pulls the whole shit of "You'd think differently if you'd experienced it", I have been raped.

Oh dear God. Dammed if we defend ourselves, dammed if we don't defend ourselves and now dammed if we don't describe it correctly!

And yet we, us, WOMEN, aren't the ones doing anything!!

It's not about "correctly" - it's about seizing power or giving it away. Which we do when we use language one way or another, just as effectively as when we take action.

And my whole problem is that "WOMEN aren't the ones doing anything", because there's loads we could do - activism against DV and rape, joining right to the city movements, going to events like Slutwalk, feminist groups, self-defence... there's loads.

Where to start on your post Bemused

Bogeymen They were not and it was real and visceral. Can you not understand that?

ringing a man for help WTAF? She rang the father of her children, her partner/husband. As any normal person would. She didn't need help, she sorted it out for herself. Well done for doing so OP.

OP was kickass. You simply are not getting it are you Bemused?

If the OP has come on here and described that entire incident in The Kickass Way, I don't see how that tackles male violence.

Calling out low-level intimidation/harassment in a crowded area is an excellent idea. Intimidators rely on the fact that women are polite and don't want to make a fuss in front of others. So making a fuss, can help.

Unfortunately, it relies equally on the fact that there is a crowd and the woman is somewhat protected.

But none of that tackles male violence that doesn't occur in a crowd.

If they purposefully blocked your car from getting away then you are not being unreasonable.

And my whole problem is that "WOMEN aren't the ones doing anything", because there's loads we could do - activism against DV and rape, joining right to the city movements, going to events like Slutwalk, feminist groups, self-defence... there's loads.

Of course. Women have been protesting male violence for centuries, and it hasn't changed.

The the way to tackle male violence is with conviction rates. And a cultural shift from blaming the people who perpetrate it instead of blaming the people who are victims of it.