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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help!! DD forced to share a room with SB

111 replies

ohh · 12/08/2017 21:23

I need help before i drive round to my e and lump him one. Not an easy task as he is an hour away but no the less.

At the best of times DD does not want to go and is having counselling provided by school how to deal with controlling father.

DD says she goes now because she wants to see young SB. He is 2 1/2.

Anyway..due to go to Minehead Butlins for a week with ex and his family and she has told me that she will be sharing a room with him!

DD is 14 years old. At best of times she has to look after him as a free nanny when at her dads. Her SD; my husband; wants her not to go and is very cross at the news. He has an excellent relationship with DD as has looked after her since day 1.

I know there is no law in the UK about sharing rooms but surely you cant ask a 14 year old girl to share with a nearly 3 year old boy? That will keep her awake and wake her early too.

Thanks

OP posts:

VestalVirgin · 13/08/2017 00:20

If the boy was 7 or so, I'd see the problem, but with 2 and a half, the only problem I see is that she'll be exploited as free babysitter ... which happens to older siblings everywhere, and seems to be something she's ready to accept as the price to pay for seeing the child.

You say your ex is controlling. Perhaps that's clouding your view.
He isn't doing something horribly wrong in this specific case.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 13/08/2017 00:34

Is she going to be expected to get up with him in the night/early in the morning. If so yanbu.
If not and they are just going to be sharing a room I agree with others and think that you and your dh need to stop stirring the pot and putting a downer on the holiday.

Welldoneme · 13/08/2017 00:36

It wouldn't bother me tbh.

You are coming across as a bit controlling, no wonder your dd needs counselling

BoysofMelody · 13/08/2017 01:00

Poor girl. She seems the only mature one in this clusterfuck of family relationships.

No wonder she's anxious and riled about the holiday, you've created a massive drama and stirred things up when there was absolutely no need for it. Never mind that you've made your daughter unhappy, just so long as you can use her as a pawn in an ongoing battle with her father eh?

And your husband needs to keep the fuck out of it, it is nothing to do with him and he shouldn't be chucking his weight around. Plus, I find it odd that neither you nor he think it odd for him to share a bedroom with your teenage daughter. That's far more questionable that sharing with a three year old half brother.

SouthWindsWesterly · 13/08/2017 01:01

Are you more concerned as it won't actually be a holiday for your DD as your ex will use her as the inhouse babysitter? Or was it just the sharing and disturbance you objected to?

DoveOfPiss · 13/08/2017 01:16

Slimthistime and CosmicPineapple how does it work that at 14 , a child can choose their own contact times? Does this only apply if said child is not the subject of a court order?
My DD is just 15 and has been told by her controlling twat of a father that until she's 18 she must continue with the contact arrangement as set out in the court order that was made when she was 6. Ffs.
I can't afford to take him to court to challenge it and he won't in case she does actually tell someone apart from me that she doesn't want to see him as often

Sorry for thread derail

Laine21 · 13/08/2017 01:58

Does your DD want to go on holiday with them? Has she said she doesn't want to go?

if she really doesn't want to go, then, at 14 she is old enough to make up her own mind and say NO!

she doesn't have to give a reason, and all concerned would have to accept it.
if she does want to go, then wish her well, let her know you are happy for her, but make sure she has her phone, or money/phone card to ring home if she is unhappy.

take your cue from how she feels about this, even it is at the eleventh hour, she is old enough to decide what she wants to do.

user7841794168 · 13/08/2017 02:20

Siblings sharing a room on holiday is OK IMO, mine have always done it because it's the only affordable way. We book a place with an en-suite twin room so they both have privacy when getting washed and dressed and it works well.

littlemisssweetness · 13/08/2017 07:06

I think it's you and the SD trying to make an issue out of this, not her...
I also think sharing with a toddler is better then sharing with op+SD

CosmicPineapple · 13/08/2017 07:07

Doves at 14 judges will lusten to what the child wants and their reasons for not wanting contact. The judge sees access as for the child not tbe parents so if tbe child has valid reasons to stop contact judges will listen.

If your dd does not want to go then dont send her. Your ex will have to go back to court but I doubt it will go in his favour.

Ebony69 · 13/08/2017 07:11

You have reacted in such a disproportionate way about something so trivial with clearly no insight into your behaviour. If this is typical of the way you conduct yourself in matters relating to your ex, this suggests to me that your daughter's 'depression' may also be a response to her being entangled between the hostilities between you and your ex - divided loyalties - rather than purely as a result of her father's controlling behaviour. OP, whether you accept it or not, you are part of your daughter's problem.

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