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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help!! DD forced to share a room with SB

111 replies

ohh · 12/08/2017 21:23

I need help before i drive round to my e and lump him one. Not an easy task as he is an hour away but no the less.Angry

At the best of times DD does not want to go and is having counselling provided by school how to deal with controlling father.

DD says she goes now because she wants to see young SB. He is 2 1/2.

Anyway..due to go to Minehead Butlins for a week with ex and his family and she has told me that she will be sharing a room with him!

DD is 14 years old. At best of times she has to look after him as a free nanny when at her dads. Her SD; my husband; wants her not to go and is very cross at the news. He has an excellent relationship with DD as has looked after her since day 1.

I know there is no law in the UK about sharing rooms but surely you cant ask a 14 year old girl to share with a nearly 3 year old boy? HmmThat will keep her awake and wake her early too.

Thanks

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 12/08/2017 21:55

I don't see a problem with sharing a room.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/08/2017 21:56

Its not bad, I thought SB would be 12 and your dd 5. But if its making her that upset, she does not have to go, she's 14.

Mychildcouldnotbreaatfeed · 12/08/2017 21:59

I don't see the problem with them sharing a room af all.

We are having a night or two away in a few weeks and my kids are sharing. They are teens and we are bunking wherever. Surely that's normal?

ShootingQuadrantids · 12/08/2017 22:02

OP is she using the fact that she will have to share with DSB as an excuse not to go? I don't think that it's unreasonable to share so I'd be digging deeper!

kali110 · 12/08/2017 22:03

She's sharing with a 3 year old, not a 13 year old.
If she doesn't want to go because she maybe used as childcare then that would be another reason and fair enough.

sosoverytired · 12/08/2017 22:04

She obviously doesn't want or have to go. But bet you would be on here ranting if they didn't include her on the holiday wouldn't you. It's a no win situation for the other side regardless of the controlling father. Tell her she doesn't have to go. And if she still decides to go then she has to just put up with it.

Mumof56 · 12/08/2017 22:10

So she gets her own room or with us me and DH

So there's a problem if she has to share a room with a 3 year old, but not with a grown man? Confused

debbs77 · 12/08/2017 22:12

Blimey, my children's step siblings share a room at home at that age! Really not a problem

Excited101 · 12/08/2017 22:12

You are being crazily OTT, if you want her to be happier about things in general then you need to massively shift your attitude asap. Read back your op with fresh eyes and calmly, try and get some perspective.

MammaTJ · 12/08/2017 22:13

I thought from the beginning of your OP that she was sharing with a 15/16 year old boy, but a toddler who is her sibling, really no big deal!!

was actually trying to work out how I could help, as I only live a mile away, was even thinking about cancelling going away on Monday, but am over that now

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2017 22:14

Blimey, when I was her age our family holidays consisted of 4 kids and 2 parents, sleeping in a caravan that only had fold out wardrobe doors to make a couple of partitions > Blush

I thought bunking down where you can, was just part of any holiday that didn't involve a hotel.

Original poster
ohh · 12/08/2017 22:15

Posted before about controlling father and thats the issue really. I know it. Ok she has to share and that is considered normal. Yes to a deeper issue. Thank you.

OP posts:
Witchend · 12/08/2017 22:19

When we go to Butlins dd1 (age 16y) and ds (age 10y) share a room because we go with friends and dd2 goes in with them as they are a 3and their girl gets on better with dd2.
If we got a 6 berth to give ds a separate room it would be over £200 in the week we go (and standard accommodation) more.

OrphanAccount · 12/08/2017 22:19

Oh come on. They're going to Butlins not a 5 star resort in the Seychelles. It's completely normal for families members to bunk up.

I also thought you were going to say she had to share a room with an older teenaged boy. A toddler is not a big deal at all.

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/08/2017 22:19

So your ex is controlling and your DH has a big spoon.

You sure can pick them.

Underthemoonlight · 12/08/2017 22:21

I think your projecting you concerns onto her especially saying it shouldn't be happening and she doesn't have to go. Positive reinforcement it's totally fine to share and builds the experience of being on holiday as a family unit. It's certainly not abnormal. My ex his DW and DS and their baby all shared a bedroom on holiday because that's what was within their budget, I was just glad that my DS was included.

PollyFlint · 12/08/2017 22:21

Out of interest, is the toddler her stepbrother or her brother - ie, is your ex the child's father?

Not that I think it makes any difference to the argument about whether they should share the room, but if they share they same dad he is her brother, not her stepbrother.

I think everything you've said really suggests that you and your husband just don't really want your daughter going on holiday with your ex, and you're looking for reasons for her not to go. If she doesn't want to go, that's fine - don't make her. But the fact that your husband is so furious is quite telling, I think.

BackforGood · 12/08/2017 22:21

Another who can't see the problem.
On a week's holiday you share with siblings.
Normal.
You said the only reason she still goes to her Dad's is to see / spend time with her little brother.

MadamPince · 12/08/2017 22:23

There are 11 years between my brother and me and we always shared a room in family holidays - no it's not perfect but it's not unreasonable.

SavoyCabbage · 12/08/2017 22:25

ok. Yes i think its more her not wanting to be with him. We are lucky I suppose because all our family (blended) is 2 boys and 1 girl. So she gets her own room or with us me and DH.

So is the problem that she is sharing with a boy?

And do you mean she sometimes shares with your dh? Surely that's worse!

viques · 12/08/2017 22:28

I am not surprised she is getting worried if this has been your attitude. Be positive, tell her she is going to have a great time.

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/08/2017 22:28

Given some of what you have posted you and your DH are doing your best to put blocks between her and her dad

Sofabitch · 12/08/2017 22:30

Yabu.

She can share a room for a few days on holiday. It's not ideal sure. But its not wrong either. Ridiculous to expect them to pay for an extra room

grecian100 · 12/08/2017 22:32

Not ideal but quite an over reaction on your part that you feel this makes you want to "lump him" Hmm

Mine often have to share on holidays. Not ideal, but better than not having a holiday at all (which in my case and possibly your EH's) which may be the alternative

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 12/08/2017 22:33

YABU and projecting other issues onto this. Nothing wrong with siblings sharing on holiday. Mine have to, I'd prefer them not to as they piss around for hours but needs must on holiday.

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